I've got spare kilts if anyone wants to stay within the guidelines but remain pantless...
my mom likes to tell the story "when i was younger (she's 93 now) i went on a trip to Scotland and met a man wearing a kilt. she asked him is it true about what the say what you wear under your kilt. he said reach under and check yourself. she reached and pulled her hand back quickly and said THAT'S GRUESOME! he said check again it just grew some more.