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Author Topic: funny  (Read 592 times)
csj
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I used to be a wolfboy, but I'm alright NOOOOOWWWW

Peterborough Ontario Canada


« on: July 20, 2020, 10:53:38 AM »

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the question of course.

 Q. Do female frogs croak?
 A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough they will.

 Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
 A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

 Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
 A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

 Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
 A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

 Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
 A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

 Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
 A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

 Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
 A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

 Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
 A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

 Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
 A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

 Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
 A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

 Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
 A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

 Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
 A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

 Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
 A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

 Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
 A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

 Q. Can boys join the CampFireGirls?
 A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

 Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
 A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

 Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
 A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

 Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
 A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

 Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
 A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

 Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
 A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

 Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
 A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

 Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
 A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

 Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
 A. Charley Weaver: His feet

 Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
 A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh
 
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A guy called me a Ba$tard, I said in my case it's an accident
of birth, in your case you're a self made man.
Valkorado
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Posts: 10499


VRCC DS 0242

Gunnison, Colorado (7,703') Here there be twisties.


« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2020, 11:28:43 AM »

They were sure quick witted, and sharp as tacks.  Thanks for the memories.   cooldude
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Have you ever noticed when you're feeling really good,
there's always a pigeon that'll come sh!t on your hood?
- John Prine

97 Tourer "Silver Bullet"
01 Interstate "Ruby"

Jess from VA
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Posts: 30445


No VA


« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2020, 12:41:03 PM »

Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
 
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


 2funny (old jokes are the best)
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bassman
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Posts: 2158


« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2020, 01:08:01 PM »

These are definitely classics !  Thanks !  Brought back some great memories and lots of laughs.   Grin Grin
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old2soon
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Posts: 23402

Willow Springs mo


« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2020, 03:52:10 PM »

           Memories. Sadly most of those answers are NOT p c today!  Cry Some folks tryin hard to turn the world into a much sadder place. Rose Marie was Always good for a snort and chuckle and down right guffaws!  cooldude Paul Lynde was also Quick with the sharp retort.  Wink Thanks. RIDE SAFE.
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Today is the tommorow you worried about yesterday. If at first you don't succeed screw it-save it for nite check.  1964  1968 U S Navy. Two cruises off Nam.
VRCCDS0240  2012 GL1800 Gold Wing Motor Trike conversion
gordonv
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Posts: 5762


VRCC # 31419

Richmond BC


« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2020, 04:54:53 PM »

I could still imagine hearing their voices saying those responses. Some I even remember watching.
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1999 Black with custom paint IS

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