Perspective

[The emperor has no clothes]

I suppose I’ve had a hard time keeping it, all my life. I’ve mostly lived in the moment, be it good or bad. These last few years are bringing it closer and closer though.
 We recently had some drama with my son and had to cancel some plans. I was feeling pretty much woe is me. I’ve been making plans for retirement diligently in the last 5 years or so. Only to have them tossed to wind when it finally came a little over a year ago. Some more woe is me.
 Then 4 days ago my FIL suffered a stroke. Can’t stand now. I never realized how much I take the little things for granted. It is very hard to see a strong man who spent nights awake being shelled by the North Koreans become helpless and feel humiliated.
 We were able to get him out of our local hospital and down to Phoenix. Hopefully it wasn’t too late. Connie (and any other health professionals) please don’t take offense, but I’m going to rant a little here.
Monday morning we got the call that he couldn’t stand and walk to bed the night before. My MIL being the hard headed woman she is, not wanting to bother anybody, got him drug to bed and thought he would be better in the morning. He wasn’t. They got him to our hospital at about 7am. My wife had my phone with her back in his ER room when I got there at about 8:30. The admission snobs wouldn’t let me walk 40 feet and at least let them know I was in the waiting room. I finally realized that I could use the IPad at home to text her. I finally saw him at about noon. His right side of his face was slightly slumped and his eye almost closed. It seemed apparent to me what happened. They frigging did jack crap that whole day ! Took his blood pressure, a CatScan of his stomach and head. Didn’t even have a doctor see him till about 6pm. Never saw a neurologist. He takes numerous medications, ranging from blood pressure, diabetes, Parkinson’s, and more. They wouldn’t even give him those. Said they couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t stand and were send him to Vegas or Phoenix to find out. Here it is Friday morning till a neurologist looks at his MRI taken yesterday and tells that yes he had a stroke. I’m no doctor, but I’ve heard numerous times that the first few hours are critical. I hope he hasn’t missed that threshold.
 They only allow 2 visitors per day. Brenda and her Mom have been there 8am-8pm, so what I’m told is mostly secondhand. I have switched badges a couple times and snuck in. It seems about half the nurses these days are traveling nurses. I guess the monetary advantages are hard to turn away for them. But, it does seem some don’t seem invested much, nor really care. I haven’t got to see any of the doctors, but some of what I heard was not flattering. (Mostly in Havasu)
 Having Bruce’s landlady leave us, along with many others, does seem to focus one’s perspective. I hope Joe makes it. I also hope doesn’t end his last days feeling degraded.

Thanks for listening.

[Rams]

Will keep your FIL in my thoughts and prayers.   Stay strong for your wife and MIL.   One never knows........  

Reference medical staff, I have no doubt they care but, they are faced with such circumstances all day, every day.   I expect that would affect anyone while trying to maintain some semblance of professionalism.  I have no idea why it took so long for a doc to see your FIL.

Rams

[f6gal]

I'm not offended. I can only control my small circle.

Unfortunately, your FIL missed the window for the best early treatment by waiting until morning.  tPA needs be administered asap and within 3 hours of symptom onset (depending on the patient, that is sometimes extended to 4.5 hours).  

With the classic stroke symptoms you described, along with the imaging performed, I can't explain why your local hospital was unable to diagnose the stroke.  Nor why they didn't get him transferred to a stroke facility immediately.  I hope they sent him to St. Joe's.  

Wishing you and your family the best.

[Valkorado]

Sad to hear.  Prayers up for your father in law Rob.  Hoping for the best possible outcome for him.  Stay strong for your wife and her mother, I'm sure it's tough on them putting in such marathon hours waiting at the hospital.

[Oss]

You can only do what you can do

Like Connie said, the 1st hours are everything


Your family know that you were there for him and it is nothing you can do about what happened

Venting is necessary and we all do it  Your poor MIL will be second guessing herself for a long while


People do sometimes recover from strokes over time  MY FIL did and my wife recovered from a cerebral hemhorrage a few days after we visited with connie and mike  (just a coincidence    )  She let her blood pressure meds run out

[Willow]

I don't mean to be too discouraging but the sequence parallels the story of my mother.

My mother and father were traveling from Arkansas to Oklahoma.  My mother began feeling ill (experiencing a stroke) and my father chose to stop overnight and see if she would get better.  By the morning she had not so they returned home and sought medical attention.  Some twenty-four hours or more had passed.  My mother lived for another eight years with many restrictions including lack of mobility, disability to articulate well and others.

If medical help isn't given with a few hours of the stroke the best that can be done is to try to reduce some of the ongoing disabilities and teach the victim how best to live within those limitations.

[..]

Bad news Rob.

For others

https://www.healthination.com/health/fast-stroke-diagnosis/

https://www.mass.gov/service-details/stroke-signs-and-symptoms-act-fast

[f6gal]

my wife recovered from a cerebral hemhorrage a few days after we visited with connie and mike  (just a coincidence    )  She let her blood pressure meds run out

Wish you would have said something about the meds.  I could have probably found her some.
At least she recovered. 

[scooperhsd]

My wife's Grandmom had a stroke at age 79. She laid on the floor of her home for an unknown amount of time before one of her sons found her. Due to the fact that she was an avid crossword solver, she mostly recovered.

Some years ago, my wife suffered a "microstroke" while she was doing someone's taxes. This affected the "planning center" of her brain - for sometime after she suffered this, she could not remember to turn off the lights, had a problem turning off the gas cooktop, and other activities that required "planning". Eventually , she went to our doctor complaining about "not be able to turn off the lights" - Doc sent her to a specialist, where they found (with ultrasound) that she had a blockage on the right side of her carata artery - fortunately, your brain gets blood from both sides and it is connected together.  For the most part she is recovered from it. In getting ready for some female surgery, they found the blockage is still there.

[Willow]

...
Some years ago, my wife suffered a "microstroke" while she was doing someone's taxes. This affected the "planning center" of her brain - for sometime after she suffered this, she could not remember to turn off the lights, ...

I assume that by microstroke you are referring to TIA.  I've had two.  The TIA has no permanent damage but is sometimes a warning of an oncoming major stroke.  I suspect the damage to your wife's "planning center" was not caused by the TIA but was a participant in what brought on the TIA.

Just so some folks can feel guilty the first TIA was brought on after our visit to Eureka Springs planning InZane.  We rode, I drove, the cage rather than riding the bikes.  Clots in the leg are much more likely to form during long distant driving than during long distant motorcycle riding. 

[TTG53#1717]

I am also hoping for the “best” outcome for your FiL.

My dad, at 53, was in a minor auto accident. Someone rear ended his ‘72 Impala at a light. Very little cosmetic damage to either car. It caused a brain bleed from an undiagnosed AVM that took 3 full months and many incorrect diagnoses before it crushed his brain inside his skull and left him 95% disabled for the  next 32 years. His employer, with 3200 employees,  held Aetna hostage until they agreed to cover ALL his expenses. Righteous guys all.

My mom, with help from me, took care of him at home for most of that time. After he passed she moved to an assisted living facility in central NY state near my brother and I came out to TX.

After 11 years she was the longest surviving resident in that facility and 93 years old. Once every 6 weeks or so she would have a recurring respiratory problem. The ambulance would show up and take her to the local hospital for a 4 day stay. One day she told the EMTs she felt “different”. They said “ Ok Marie, we’ll get you strapped in and on your way”. At the hospital, after the usual greetings with people who had treated her before, she also told them she felt different…No one thought to look for a stroke. Business as usual.

Familiarity, SOSDD.

She slipped away, aware but never fully regaining consciousness and passed peacefully 6 days later.
For her, there was no suffering or pain and for my brother and I pretty much the same. She went the way she hoped she might and we were comforted with that.

The EMTs and a few hospital folks were in the same bowling league as my brother, in that local setting, and we’re worried about missing the signs and signals. Would we file a suit ?

 Not for a moment did we even consider that. The cards were cut, dealt and the outcome was , in perspective, the best that we could envision.

However this turns out, I hope you can all find peace and strength to deal with it together.

[Hook#3287]

Rob, sorry to hear of your troubles.

The best you can do is be there for Brenda.

[DDT (12)]

Rob,

The sense of helplessness and seeming hopelessness are huge when those we care about suffer. It is normal to seek to lash-out, to find fault, to vent... Most of us are unable to actually do anything helpful at all, but we feel an almost overpowering impulse to act anyway.

You will become increasingly important with your inner strength, warmth, and calm... It may be that only a comforting shoulder is all that you can offer, but it will be much needed. Good luck with your future generally, but with this role in particular... I'm pulling for you!

DDT

[Bret SD]

Sorry to hear this Rob, my gal's brother passed from a major brain bleed at 56, he was removing his shoes after work and fell over unconscious. They found him a couple days later, he lived alone and was still breathing when found. His prognosis was not good, a few days later they let him pass.

Hopefully your FIL will recover, a prayer is up for him, and his loved ones.

[J.Mencalice]

Being motorcyclists, this acronym may be easily remembered to recognize signs and symptoms of an impending stroke or one in progress.

 Balance, Eyes, Face, Arm and Speech Test. Remembering B.E. F.A.S.T. is an easy way to quickly identify the early warning signs of a stroke.

BALANCE
Sudden dizziness, loss of balance or coordination.

EYES
Sudden trouble seeing out of one or both eyes.

FACE
First, check for facial weakness. An uneven smile or weakness on one side could mean trouble.

ARMS
Next, check for arm weakness. Inability to raise both arms evenly could be another sign.

SPEECH
Check for impaired speech. Slurred speech or difficulty repeating simple phrases could mean a stroke.

TIME
Immediately call 911.

Committing this to memory and utilizing it at a crisis point can save your loved one's life.

Rob, much strength for a positive outcome for your family and father in law. 

[Bret SD]

Being motorcyclists, this acronym may be easily remembered to recognize signs and symptoms of an impending stroke or one in progress.

 Balance, Eyes, Face, Arm and Speech Test. Remembering B.E. F.A.S.T. is an easy way to quickly identify the early warning signs of a stroke.

BALANCE
Sudden dizziness, loss of balance or coordination.

EYES
Sudden trouble seeing out of one or both eyes.

FACE
First, check for facial weakness. An uneven smile or weakness on one side could mean trouble.

ARMS
Next, check for arm weakness. Inability to raise both arms evenly could be another sign.

SPEECH
Check for impaired speech. Slurred speech or difficulty repeating simple phrases could mean a stroke.

TIME
Immediately call 911.

Committing this to memory and utilizing it at a crisis point can save your loved one's life.

Rob, much strength for a positive outcome for your family and father in law. 

This is gold.. thanks!

[f6gal]

Secondhand update. He stood today  As I can decipher their stories, with a walker and a nurse’s help he shuffled to the door and back. About 20 feet. I take this as a good sign. 

Definitely a good sign.

[Red Diamond]

Health to your FIL Rob, and to your entire family, hope to meet you someday.

[Sweet Cheeks]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. 

My FIL had a stroke at 97 that took out his speech center.  With the help of a speech therapist and tons of determination on his part, he learned to speak again.  Another stoke at age 101 took his speech center again.  He didn’t recover as fully that time, but was with us almost two more years.  He passed in July …. Just 26 days shy of being 103.

All that to say that miracles do happen.  Don’t give up hope. We are all pulling for you and your family.

Janice

[NewValker]

All my healing vibes & prayers to your FIL & family Rob.
Craig

[Oss]

positive steps, literally

 

[RNFWP]

positive steps, literally

 

+1 

[The emperor has no clothes]

Thank you all for the positive feedback and support  My FIL is back home. He is a little worse for the wear, but he is able to use a walker. It was a long 2 weeks for everyone involved. My MIL spent all but 2 days staying in his room, sleeping in a chair. She is no spring chicken either, and I can tell she is wore down. Brenda’s sister flew down early from Alaska to help out, and that has been a godsend for Brenda. My strengths aren’t really in moral support so much. I spent most of my time running them back and forth to the hospital, picking up food, and clothing. I now know my way around northern Phoenix pretty well. I got their place fixed up with safety bars, etc. Again, thank you all for your support. 

[matt]

Rob just seen this thread sorry to hear but happy to hear he is home and some what mobile. Hope he continues improving and has positivity around him as that is going to be needed for the battle of getting back what he can.

Matt

[NewValker]

Good to hear this Rob, progress…
Hi to Brenda

Craig