I got pulled over driving my used AZ State Police Fury ('70 - 383ci) too enthusiastically on a MI freeway. He asked if I had been drinking and I told him I had had a cheeseburger, fries and one beer about an hour earlier (it was two, but one sounded better).
He didn't believe me, though I wasn't drunk or acting drunk. He said he didn't have a breathalyzer with him and wanted to drive me to the station for a test. I really didn't like this idea. I also didn't tell him I was a licensed MI attorney because unless you are a county prosecutor, they generally hate lawyers.
So I said I had heard of these things called field sobriety tests (I knew all about them), and I would be happy to take them for him. He said OK, and proceeded to give me the standard lean back with fingers to the nose, heel toe walking and a couple others, which I aced. All with I-75 traffic flying by us.
He said I passed the tests, but he still wasn't sure I wasn't drunk and again said he wanted to take me to the station for a breath test. I said let me show you what else I can do, and proceeded to pop a hand stand at the rear of my car, walked on my hands to the front, turned around, and walked back to the rear, and kipped up to my feet (nice and neat, not all wobbly). (I did gymnastics in HS and gym class).
He said,
holy crap, I could never do that sober. You must be sober. And he let me go with no ticket. We had been there for about 30 minutes.
As I drove away, I thought to myself, people driving by watching this this guy walking on his hands with the cruiser and lights blazing must be thinking.....
damn those field sobriety tests are really getting ridiculous.
True story. (I can probably still walk on my hands, but it would be all wobbly 40 years later, and I'd still need two beers first)
