How To Be A Gentlemen. Circa 1875

[carolinarider09]

I have long said, that it appears the notion/concept of "gentlemanly" behavior has seemly vanished from our young men.  Maybe not all, but I rarely see it these days.  

Anyway, I ran across this website and there are many things here I was taught growing up.  Maybe not in such detail as described but, many I still do when the opportunity arises.  

50 Tips for Cultivating Gentlemanly Manners and Conduct From an 1800s Handbook on Etiquette

Some Examples:

Number 3.  Never perform any little service for another with a formal bow or manner as if conferring a favor, but with a quiet gentlemanly ease as if it were, not a ceremonious, unaccustomed performance, but a matter of course, for you to be courteous.

Number 5.  Avoid gambling as you would poison. Every bet made, even in the most finished circles of society, is a species of gambling, and this ruinous crime comes on by slow degrees. ..........

Number 9. Avoid a conceited manner. It is exceedingly ill-bred to assume a manner as if you were superior to those around you, and it is, too, a proof, not of superiority but of vulgarity.

Number 18.  Gentility is neither in birth, wealth, or fashion, but in the mind. A high sense of honor, a determination never to take a mean advantage of another, adherence to truth, delicacy and politeness towards those with whom we hold intercourse, are the essential characteristics of a gentleman.

Number 40.  If walking with a lady, never leave her alone in the street, under any circumstances. It is a gross violation of etiquette to do so

The rest, if you are interested, are at the link below.

https://www.theepochtimes.com/50-tips-for-cultivating-gentlemanly-manners-and-conduct-from-an-1800s-handbook-on-etiquette_5024418.html?utm_source=partner&utm_campaign=TheLibertyDaily

Edited to correct some typos.  No change to real content.

[Heathen]

Just 50-something years ago I was taught to say "Yes Ma'am" and "No Ma'am" and open the doors for females, pull out their chairs, and if lucky enough to be honored with a date, I'd pay for everything, and expect nothing except perhaps a smile, If I received a kiss at the end of the date, that was a plus. 

Apparently that's ALL changed now and some of it is even considered rude.

Well, I guess I'm rude then as I've no desire to change.

[carolinarider09]

Just 50-something years ago I was taught to say "Yes Ma'am" and "No Ma'am" and open the doors for females, pull out their chairs, and if lucky enough to be honored with a date, I'd pay for everything, and expect nothing except perhaps a smile, If I received a kiss at the end of the date, that was a plus. 

Apparently that's ALL changed now and some of it is even considered rude.

Well, I guess I'm rude then as I've no desire to change.

 

[da prez]

  Heathen , that is the way we were raised. I still do it today and receive some flack on occasion.  I still think it is funny when I say "thank you ma'am"  The retort is "I am a sir". My re-reply is , "do you stand up to pee"? Reply " no , I am a girl" .

                                             da prez

[Oss]

the other day in court I answered a question "yes maam"

I was corrected  "yes Judge"

I replied "if it pleases the Court"

sometimes you just gotta go with the flow

That said  I open doors and walk on the street side of the sidewalk and if we are in the road the side away from the curb, and let women out of the elevator first with a "ladies first"

just the way I was raised

[carolinarider09]

I do understand...........   

Part of the results of this type of "upbringing" is the notion of "respect" and how we should respect eachother. 

[Willow]

I do understand...........   

Part of the results of this type of "upbringing" is the notion of "respect" and how we should respect each other. 

It is about respect but it is also about protecting and giving preference to the "weaker sex".  That causes offense to some.

I was born in 1951.  Oss and I follow some of the same rules for behavior.   

[Jess from VA]

I hold doors open for more men than women.  Simply because more men are following me in or out the doors than women.  I haven't had a female take offense at this for a long time (but it's happened). 

No man was ever offended.   

[carolinarider09]

There are many, many things we were taught as children (speaking about guys now).  OSS mentioned one that had slipped my mind but I still do, walking on the "correct" side to protect the lady.

I don't think we were taught that in school but might have been.  Might have been Boy Scouts.  

When I was thirteen or so, my parents "enrolled" me in something I think was called "cotillion".  I did not know what it really was but found out it was about learning to dance and that also meant how to ask a lady to dance.

Those things become engrained in your being.  It becomes part of you.  And sadly, I think it has been lost in the upbringing of recent generations, I fear.  

Edited to corect a typo.  No change to real content.

[Jersey mike]

There are many, many things we were taught as children (speaking about guys now).  OSS mentioned one that had slipped my mind but I still do, walking of the "correct" side to protect the lady.

I don't think we were taught that in school but might have been.  Might have been Boy Scouts. 

When I was thirteen or so, my parents "enrolled" me in something I think was called "cotillion".  I did not know what it really was but found out it was about learning to dance and that also meant how to ask a lady to dance.

Those things become engrained in your being.  It becomes part of you.  And sadly, I think it has been lost in the upbringing of recent generations, I fear. 

Holding a door is an ingrained reflex for me. At times I sometimes feel like a doorman at a fancy venue. There have been countless times I’ve fallen behind while I’m out because I held the door for the people exiting only to find the people behind me going in while my wife wanders away and circles back in the store or wherever we’re going. I don’t do it for the thanks, but it’s weird so many have forgotten how to use that word.

[Reb]

I do understand...........   

Part of the results of this type of "upbringing" is the notion of "respect" and how we should respect each other. 

It is about respect but it is also about protecting and giving preference to the "weaker sex".  That causes offense to some.

I was born in 1951.  Oss and I follow some of the same rules for behavior.   

*SARCASM*
Take your toxic masculinity elsewhere....   

[Willow]

I do understand...........   

Part of the results of this type of "upbringing" is the notion of "respect" and how we should respect each other. 

It is about respect but it is also about protecting and giving preference to the "weaker sex".  That causes offense to some.

I was born in 1951.  Oss and I follow some of the same rules for behavior.   

*SARCASM*
Take your toxic masculinity elsewhere....   

LOL!  Sometimes we're too deep in who we are to let the surrounding culture to dictate what we need to be.   

[Jess from VA]

Take your toxic masculinity elsewhere..

My masculinity is not toxic, it's just normal and pleasant.

However I've been around a couple of really toxic females in my lifetime (and married one of them).   

[3fan4life]

Today's society is doing everything that it can to Demonize Male Masculinity.

I'm not sure why that is but it's certainly the case.

If males continue to succumb to this nonsense, in a few generations no-one will be able to distinguish male from female.

Maybe that's their goal. 

[carolinarider09]

Today's society is doing everything that it can to Demonize Male Masculinity.

I'm not sure why that is but it's certainly the case.

If males continue to succumb to this nonsense, in a few generations no-one will be able to distinguish male from female.

Maybe that's their goal. 

I could do an analysis of the reason based on the notion of Masculinity. 

A good man is strong (as he can be), determined and protective.  He will stand against violence to himself and others as he best can do.  Always protective of the weaker amongst us, no matter who they are.

He will stand up in the crowd when someone says something that is "wrong" (best word I can come up with).   He will turn the other cheek if possible, but he will not let harm come to those who cannot defend themselves.  Not withstanding the harm he may suffer. 

A good man only bends the knee to God, not to anyone else.  He will fight until he cannot fight any longer.

The fight does not have to be physical but.....   

Yes the goal today appears want to have a society of those who will not fight when confronted by evil.  Evil comes in many forms.   Today, evil exists in our federal, state and local governments.  They are evil because many do as is stated in the quote above.  They demonize Male Masculinity.  It is for one reason and one reason only.  To control us.

We, as Homo Sapiens, are either male of female.  There is no in-between.

Just for the record, while men may be equipped to fight evil and stand and defend, there is a reason that we stand and defend women.  It's not because they are weak for many women are strong in mind and body.  But it is because the human race is solely dependent on the female of the species for future generations.  They are the source of Homo Sapiens.  And for this reason, they must be respected and defended.