"I'm Just Trying To Leave Something Behind..."

[DDT (12)]

"I’m Just Trying To Leave Something Behind…"
 
A recent excellent post by Carolinarider09 prompted many thoughts for this solitary ponderer who constantly does that throughout long days in the saddle. Riding has become a major component of much needed quality time for thinking through perplexing issues smoldering inside this still fairly naive confused traveler on his earnest ‘Vision Quest’… This student of ‘us’ who has far more questions than answers…
 
The theme of that song (soundtrack for the thought-provoking movie ‘The Accountant’) triggers many expected thoughts, and among those are our legacy, our net worth, our memory; all the things we bequeath to those we hold dear who happen to outlast us. In the case of this inquisitive student, it has also triggered a line of thought not expected at all… Several intriguing questions have lingered and simmered until now, when they have forced this unknowing gypsy to openly confront them… here goes…
 
Occasionally the question arises, “Is your present lifestyle actually about you running away from something in your past…?” The instinctive, automatic answer has always been ‘No’; but… I now wonder… Am I actually subconsciously trying desperately to ‘leave something behind me’? A deeper dive into that possibility has produced some remarkable insights into the concept of ‘self’ that I’d held throughout most of my life…
 
Like with everyone else, there are some regrets, some memories of instances where we’ve pulled bonehead stunts that today boggle the mind, and there are, of course, a couple of things we all hope no one else will ever discover about us! The worst ones, I suppose, are the ones where we’ve disappointed or let-down those for whom we care the most… The times we’ve embarrassed them or possibly even made them ashamed of being linked closely to us… Is it important now to confront consciously and seriously such distasteful things?
 
A conclusion is creeping up that it is an important step along the lengthy, difficult road to genuine self-respect. That indeed an ‘approving conscience’ is impossible without it. We are all imperfect beings, and we've all made mistakes… We do things that not only bring shame, pain, and/or loss to ourselves, but they also have a negative impact upon others. No great mystery there. We all know these things about each other, and we all forgive as we in turn seek forgiveness for simply being human. However, is that enough? Is it OK simply to accept the cold, hard facts and move on…?
 
There is also a creeping thought that there may just be different levels, onion-like layers, to these complicated but vivid stains upon our memories… the permanent record in the archives of our total life's journey. Is it possible to fully come to terms with obvious wrongs and to find peace with those glaring blots on our own life’s record… perhaps even our character?
 
It may be possible, but to this ‘imperfect’ observer it seems they cannot simply go unaddressed. An unexamined life is unavoidably an unfulfilled… and unforgiven… life. Easy answers are rarely satisfying in the end, but deeper inquiry can often prove painful and increasingly difficult. Unavoidable but very necessary, serious self-examination is absolutely vital to true understanding and ultimately to forgiveness.…
 
To be truly able to trust others, we must first be truly trustworthy ourselves. To hope to find forgiveness, we must first be able and willing to sincerely forgive… and therein lies the ultimate rub… Have we ever truly forgiven ourselves for all our own missteps... for being so undeniably imperfect? Are we yet even capable of that degree of forgiveness? To those who don’t see a problem here, I simply say, “You have either been extraordinarily fortunate throughout your entire life so far, or you are obviously overlooking some very unsavory or at the very least unpleasant recollections of facts!”
 
The difficulty of this process inclines us to readily accept shallow, easy answers. The unpleasantness of deeper inquiry discourages us and points us towards other ‘distractions’ or to pursuing other ‘more pressing’ priorities.  Those steps can appear to ‘let us off the hook’ and allow us to temporarily avoid the discomfort of delving further into the murky waters of self-analysis: Alas, they are little more than a Band-Aid than an actual cure, however…
 
For those who aren’t satisfied with simple explanations of complex issues, though, we really have no choice. Still having many more layers to peel-back, this ponderer has much work remaining to be done… Thanks, Jim, for your inadvertent but very timely reminder of some unfinished but most urgent business…
 
DDT (12)
 

[Whooray]

What a great message Bruce! It sure has me thinking.   See you in Roanoke

[DDT (12)]

Thanks, Raymond! It is indeed gratifying to receive such a nice compliment from someone of your caliber!!! I look forward to seeing you in Roanoke, also...

DDT (12)

P.S. That leaking fork fluid fix you provided held-up all the way back east to the safe harbor of Trout Dude's garage, where the seals were finally replaced. You surely saved the day for our girl and her rider when we really needed it!

[Willow]

... We are all imperfect beings, and we've all made mistakes… We do things that not only bring shame, pain, and/or loss to ourselves, but they also have a negative impact upon others. No great mystery there. We all know these things about each other, and we all forgive as we in turn seek forgiveness for simply being human. However, is that enough? Is it OK simply to accept the cold, hard facts and move on…?
 ...
To be truly able to trust others, we must first be truly trustworthy ourselves. To hope to find forgiveness, we must first be able and willing to sincerely forgive… and therein lies the ultimate rub… Have we ever truly forgiven ourselves for all our own missteps... for being so undeniably imperfect? ... 

Excellent insight.  Forgiveness is a key.  Forgiving others, yes, but sometimes difficult.  Forgiving ourselves, yes, sometimes even more difficult.  In forgiving ourselves, though, it is important that the forgiveness doesn't give us permission to continue that for which we have forgiven ourselves.  No matter how many times we fall short, our continuing goal must be to not only forgive our past but to ever strive to rise above the need to keep on forgiving ourselves.

Good insight, Gypsy.

[Valkorado]

Indeed a fantastic read Bruce.  It really is a keeper, and maybe a great intro for your upcoming compilation of coddiewomples and vision quests.  

While you hardly seem like a flawed man, I felt a kinship learning that even the legendary Valkyrie vagabond sometimes questions the path he chose, where it leads, and if he infringed upon or didn't fully appreciate some others along the way.  As we get longer in the tooth, most of us have these feelings.  It's it guilt that haunts us?  I know I've pulled my share if boners in life, and sometimes the old skeletons come out of my closet to harass me with feelings of remorse.  The monkeys on the back can weild a baseball bat, and beat your brains in if you let them.  Am I doing right?  Am I worthy?  What am I doing with my life?  Have I made a positive mark on my community, my family, my friends and loved ones?  How can I make up for the wrongs I have done in my life, and say sorry to those I may have hurt along the way?

I've finally learned to turn my former sins over to Jesus.  To deal with what I can change looking forward, and turn the rest over to God.  To release the heavy burden of guilt from my spirit.  And most importantly, to be grateful for my blessings.  I'm a pauper, with a cup running over!  When the awesome joy of life overtakes me sometimes --  there's a realization that I just need to let go and do good, or at least the very the best I can.  For me.  For Him.  Sometimes I slip, still.  It bothers me.  But this time, I'm staying the course and keeping the faith.  I've learned too much from the school of hard knocks to go backwards...

Again, a great and thought provoking read Bruce.  You've left so much good behind already by sharing
your perspective and insight, not to mention the friendships you've formed.  Looking forward to seeing you again, wherever that may be!

[DDT (12)]

Carl,

As with so many of our personal conversations, I continue to be impressed with your often unique but always spot-on insights into the interplay and inner workings of such things as values, core principles, and the fundamental intricacies of the intellectual workings of a 'just' mind. I say that to say that fortunate knowledge leads me to be extremely pleased to receive such a nice compliment... Thanks very much, my friend!

DDT (12)

[DDT (12)]

Seth,

And speaking of kinships... Like with some others in our amazing community, I recognized immediately that you were a kindred spirit in terms of curiosity and concern for the things in life that truly matter. Also like you, I consider myself a pauper with a cup filled to overflowing... As always, I sincerely appreciate your generous compliment and special thoughts on things I know to be worthy of deep, intellectually honest consideration. I look forward to our next skull session, my friend, wherever and whenever that may be...

DDT (12)

[The emperor has no clothes]

I love how you think. I wish I thought more like you. I strive, but fall short.

Brenda and I are having an exceedingly good time traversing the wilds of Canada at the moment.

Great read, as usual. 

[DIGGER]

Brings to mind......
"I know you think you understand what you think I said...but I'm not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant"

Ok....its 3:35 in the morning and a thunderstorm has woke me up and there are a few cobwebs keeping my thinking machine just a little groggy.   To start with, lets dont even consider regrets in life and bone head stunts as I would have most all of you beat out.   i've done things in life that I really really really wish I hadnt done.   Some of these stupid stunts coulda got me jail time....ha.   If you...or rather I....dwell on these things your ulcers would increase in size and it would mentally mess you up.  You have to learn to put those thoughts out to pasture and try not to look back.  Sometimes someone brings these thoughts back to the surface....like now.....and it'll take a few hrs to beat them back into the lower echalones of my brain.   BANG...BAM...THUMP.....  Ok...good to go....everything is back in place and I'm once again back on my motorcycle cruising the beautiful scenery I've seen in my thoughts.   So If I've let loose in my posts in the past I ask for your forgiveness....ha.   

I too wonder sometimes what I will be leaving behind on this earth.  I have a great wife that I truly love.    When My thoughts and actions go astray she forgives me and I for her and we move on.   I have 4 grandchildren that I was actively involved with when they were little but now as young men and women they have their own lives to live and my wife and I have a lot of memories of them.....and pictures....lots and lots of pictures....I have worked hard all my life....and am ending up able to physically and financially go and do most of the things I like to do.   Most of the things we like to go and do are not real expensive and we conserve our spending as much as possible so we can go do more things.  I have been actively involved with a Bible Class here locally the last 6 yrs that I really like and it has really helped my inner soul to feel I may have a chance at getting to Heaven in the afterlife and has put me in the path of some really nice people our age that enjoy being around.   ( I highly recommend it)     

So to sum things up.... somehow in and amongst all the bonehead and stupid AND NOW SUPPRESSED things I have done I've managed a life that I am proud of and I feel I am overall leaving a descent legacy....and a couple bucks each....for my descendants.    Now back to my good thoughts and memories of past and future motorcycle trips.

[DDT (12)]

I love how you think. I wish I thought more like you. I strive, but fall short.

Brenda and I are having an exceedingly good time traversing the wilds of Canada at the moment.

Great read, as usual.  

Rob,

As always, my friend, thanks for the kind words! Glad your trip north is going well, and that y'all are having fun... Have you pretty much missed the fires up that way? I hear the smoke in Calgary is still quite thick and frequently blocks out the sun for much of the day... Some lifelong residents say it's the worst they've ever seen... Continued good luck to y'all!!!

DDT (12)




Digger,

I hear ya, man! Sometimes, especially when I first awaken, my grogginess can produce some downright peculiar thoughts! Reactions to thoughts of others, too, can issue forth curious renderings at such times... Anyway, my post wasn't such a thing this time...

Coping with fouls, errors, boo-boos, and other dumb stuff in our pasts can become debilitating for sure! Typically, we try to ignore those embarrassments, but some recollections of past transgressions just won't stay banished from our consciousness. Dealing with the worst and often most persistent ones, can be a for real burden, so various methods, explanations, even an incantation or two are tried...

The thing all of that has in common is that regrets can diminish our quality of life; therefore, something must be done. For this carrier of many past sins that burden his conscience, forgiving myself seems a good place to start... Just a thought...

Thanks for your response! Yours has become a welcome 'voice' of reason and thought on our board, and I'm glad to read all your stuff...

DDT (12)

[Oss]

It has taken me a while to consider your words this time Bruce and  that happens with some of your
deeper stuff  

3 G's come to mind           Grace, Gratitude, God

They control how I meet my adversary in Court and how I treat my clients

BECAUSE,  How we treat people as well as ourselves matters,

we can not control what people do but we can control how
 we react to stuff they do  which usually impacts the end result

On your vision quest you have surely made an impact on so many of us
as well as a difference in ways you know and in ways you can not perceive

You ask "Are you dependable? " That is a great question.  I do not have the answer

I suppose something Don once said is appropriate

If we were in a firefight and he needed more ammo, and we needed to send Oss back to get it
We know beyond doubt that he would return or if I didnt it was because I was snuffed out.

One would hope that all of us have each other's backs and spend a bit less time fretting over stuff that is in the rear view mirror that we can not change   But for a good answer, ask your kids about you.

Keep em comin

[The emperor has no clothes]

Rob,

Have you pretty much missed the fires up that way? I hear the smoke in Calgary is still quite thick and frequently blocks out the sun for much of the day... Some lifelong residents say it's the worst they've ever seen... Continued good luck to y'all!!!

DDT (12)

We went thru some areas that were the smokiest I’ve ever seen in my 65 years. It was weird how the wind controlled it. Pushed it thick for many miles (they would say kilometers).


We just got here today. Everything was fine and unmolested, by man or beast. But man, did a roll of toilet paper in the outhouse ever succumb to a shrew ! He was living in tall cotton with that shredded Charmin as insulation in his winter home.

[DDT (12)]

Evan,

I normally think and rethink your words over time, as there is always much to consider... and some subtilties that don't jump out right at first. Still, I enjoyed your reply so much, I'm going to react a bit early anyway...

3 G's come to mind           Grace, Gratitude, God

They control how I meet my adversary in Court and how I treat my clients

BECAUSE,  How we treat people as well as ourselves matters,

we can not control what people do but we can control how
 we react to stuff they do  which usually impacts the end result


The value of one's life is not to be found in the degrees, pedigrees, titles, or trappings they may have... it is in the testimony of their life. Not in their words or even their deeds, but in the day to day conduct of their life... how they treat others and themselves. Is goodness, fairness, justness, integrity and kindness to be easily observed? Your 'three Gs' go a long way towards a succinct commentary on that.

Your impact upon our amazing 'community' has been huge, and your impact upon this 'questor' has made a very positive difference... Thanks, my friend, for all you do... and for being you day in and day out...

DDT (12)




Rob,

I'm very glad to read that y'all made it all safe and sound! Brenda, no doubt, did a superb job of backseat driving! That shrew probably owes you his/her life! Aren't you happy now that you left that roll of Charmin instead of a couple of corncobs?

Yes indeed, huge plumes of smoke can do amazing things including letting us ride into traps, then being surrounded by fire! My last trip up was majorly impacted by the fires of that year, and they prevented a stop in Calgary on the return leg and a visit with some dear friends... We're all looking forward to some tall tales from the north woods... hopefully ones not focused upon being consumed in flames!

DDT (12)