Embarrassing medical exams........

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
>
>
> 1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . ....'
>
>
> My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
> I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
> dress and began to take off her underwear.
> Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
> and I was in the wrong one.
>
> Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
> San Francisco
>
> 2. At the beginning of my shift
> I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
> and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
>
> 'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.....
> 'Yes, they used to be,'. .. .replied the patient.
>
> Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
> Seattle , WA
>
> 3.. One day I had to be the bearer of bad
> news when I told a wife that her husband had
> died of a massive myocardial infarct.
>
> Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
> reporting to the rest of the family that he had
> died of a 'massive internal fart.'
>
> Submitted by Dr... Susan Steinberg
>
> 4. During a patient's two week follow-up
> appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
> me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
> one of his medications..
> ' Which one ?'. . . I asked. 'The patch....
> The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
> running
> out of places to put it !'
> I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
> I wouldn't see.
> Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
>
> Now, the instructions include removal of
> the old patch before applying a new one.
>
> Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
> Norfolk , VA
>
> 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
> I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
> After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
> ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
>
> Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
> Corvallis , OR
>
> 6. I was performing rounds at the
> hospital one morning and while checking
> up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your
> breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good
> except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
> to get used to the taste.'. . . Bob replied.
> I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
> a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
>
> Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
> Detroit ,
>
> 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
> when a young woman with purple hair styled
> into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
> of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
> entered . . . It was quickly determined that
> the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
> scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on
> the
> operating
> table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
> been dyed green and above it there was a
> tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
>
> Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
> wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
> which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
>
> Submitted by RN no name
>
> AND FINALLY!! ! .. . . . . .. . ... . . . . . . .
>
> 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
> I was quite embarrassed when performing female
> pelvic exams........ To cover my embarrassment
> I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
>
> The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly
> burst
> out laughing
> and further embarrassing me.
> I looked up from my work and sheepishly said.. . ....
> ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
> She replied with tears running down
> her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ..
>
> ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was . ... .
> ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '
>
> Dr. wouldn't submit his name....