Borrowed From FB,

[Rams]

Not sure if any of this is factual but, the responses are funny to this former Test Pilot:

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Kind of reminds me of some the replies found here. 

Rams 

[Jess from VA]

I read that a long time ago.

It was funny again this time.

It reminds me of the back seat ride I got in an F16 B (with back seat).

The crew chief belted me in so tight I could barely breathe.

Is that really necessary?

Yes sir, it's SOP.

After the full afterburner straight up takeoff (and partial grey out, with G suit squeezing the hell out of me), I forgot all about the tight straps).  

[RP#62]

Once upon a time, I used to review a dozen or so maintenance logs every night to make sure that all open discrepancies were properly dispositioned and signed off and I'd sign the airworthiness release.  I used to write the good ones down.  A couple of write-ups that we struggled with how to sign off were:
 Right engine shakes like a dog passing a peach seed on takeoff.

 Aft galley smells like fish even when the flight attendants aren't there.

Unauthorized visual material in compass card holder (here, the pilot was trying to be discreet)
It was signed off though as: removed picture of young lady with large breasts from compass card holder (which I thought was a shame as I thought it was more useful than the compass card on an aircraft with multiple other sources of heading information.  If you're down to using the wet compass you have other more pressing problems.)


-RP

[old2soon]

     U S Nany Aviation those shhets were reffered to as Yellow Sheets. And I've filled out a couple of them myself. BUT while some funny retorts were Indeed pondered I was told by a fairly Stern Maintenance Officer to "keep it Military"! Some of the Senior Officers who enjoyed a funny now and then I'd relay What I Really wanted to write! But a Lot of the time the pure foilishness of the Pilots shone through!  RIDE SAFE.

[Rams]

As Commander, Chief test pilot and responsible all of the maintenance teams doing the work and QC on all the helicopters in my Attack Battalion of a Helicopter Maintenance, such comedic replies were not allowed.   Should one be involved in an accident/incident, there would have been hell to pay when the Investigation Team arrived.   But that doesn't mean there were not a lot of verbal complaints and smart assed responses.  It just didn't get written down.

Rams

[Mooskee]

As Commander, Chief test pilot and responsible all of the maintenance teams doing the work and QC on all the helicopters in my Attack Battalion of a Helicopter Maintenance, such comedic replies were not allowed.   Should one be involved in an accident/incident, there would have been hell to pay when the Investigation Team arrived.   But that doesn't mean there were not a lot of verbal complaints and smart assed responses.  It just didn't get written down.

Rams

I was air Navy too. We got a lot of strange complaints. Most of the funny replies were not recorded for posterity. The ones that were A799 coded ( could not duplicate priblem), sometimes would get pushed back on us for not fixing it. First time I flew back seat after qualification, there had been a repeat radio problem. I had fixed the radio and preflighted the plane. Pilot walked around the plane as I stood by. He came to me and said "Petty officer Morgan is my plane ready to go. "Yes sir." I replied.  He asked "Is my radio fixed?" "Yes sir, I fixed it myself" I answered. He asked would you fly in it? I said "Yes Sir!" He said "Go get your gear on; you're going with me!"
He was an actual Top Gun graduate, with 3 tours in Nam. We had one hell of a ride. The radio worked. I had never passed out before, but I did that day in 4 G loop.
Working on those jets was the best job ever. Where else can a 21 year old play with multimillion dollar toys, but in the military?

[RP#62]

We had a big push once due to an FAA policy change to make sure that all signoffs included a maintenance manual or other approved document reference, essentially backing up the action taken.  You couldn't just sign it off as checks ok, or adjusted per maintenance manual, you had to include the specific maintenance manual, section and verse.
After we (and the feds) had confronted several mechanics over this, I was reviewing logbooks one night and there was a write-up that a mouse was seen in the aft cabin.  The mechanics, being a little gun shy by this point signed it off as "captured mouse in accordance with Victor M040 mouse trap instructions, dated...."

-RP

[carolinarider09]

We had a big push once due to an FAA policy change to make sure that all signoffs included a maintenance manual or other approved document reference, essentially backing up the action taken.  You couldn't just sign it off as checks ok, or adjusted per maintenance manual, you had to include the specific maintenance manual, section and verse.
After we (and the feds) had confronted several mechanics over this, I was reviewing logbooks one night and there was a write-up that a mouse was seen in the aft cabin.  The mechanics, being a little gun shy by this point signed it off as "captured mouse in accordance with Victor M040 mouse trap instructions, dated...."

-RP

That is something similar to what we learned in Nuclear Power Training (both Navy and Civilian).   The rules for safety and verification of steps taken are applied to all events. 

While it may seem simple, just take one simple instance.  Well there are two. 

Basically "Three Point Contact".  Climbing a ladder, three feet high or 25 feet high always, every time, use three point contact. 

If you engrain the simple things in your mind, the more complicated things are almost guaranteed to be followed. 

One more, use the handrail on stairs.   Watch people climb freely, no hands on the railing.  Ask them why.  They will say "you don't know if it was ever cleaned".  But you are far more likely to trip and fall than catching a disease from a hand rail. 

These little things engrained in the minds of employees from the bottom to the top also help ensure more competent work. 

[scooperhsd]

As Commander, Chief test pilot and responsible all of the maintenance teams doing the work and QC on all the helicopters in my Attack Battalion of a Helicopter Maintenance, such comedic replies were not allowed.   Should one be involved in an accident/incident, there would have been hell to pay when the Investigation Team arrived.   But that doesn't mean there were not a lot of verbal complaints and smart assed responses.  It just didn't get written down.

Rams

I was air Navy too. We got a lot of strange complaints. Most of the funny replies were not recorded for posterity. The ones that were A799 coded ( could not duplicate priblem), sometimes would get pushed back on us for not fixing it. First time I flew back seat after qualification, there had been a repeat radio problem. I had fixed the radio and preflighted the plane. Pilot walked around the plane as I stood by. He came to me and said "Petty officer Morgan is my plane ready to go. "Yes sir." I replied.  He asked "Is my radio fixed?" "Yes sir, I fixed it myself" I answered. He asked would you fly in it? I said "Yes Sir!" He said "Go get your gear on; you're going with me!"
He was an actual Top Gun graduate, with 3 tours in Nam. We had one hell of a ride. The radio worked. I had never passed out before, but I did that day in 4 G loop.
Working on those jets was the best job ever. Where else can a 21 year old play with multimillion dollar toys, but in the military?

4G's isn't that bad - we did more on our Intermediate ACM (Aerial Combat manuevering) jet hops in T-2's when I was in NFO training back in '85 ...

Now, today would be a different matter (my back alone would disqualify me, not to mention the Type 2 Diabetes for service in general).