Old People

[Jess from VA]

I've reported before, my mom is 95.

She lives in her own little home, connected to my brothers big home by a short backdoor causeway (my brother the master carpenter built it for my retired parents 20 years ago with dad's help; dad's gone 12 years).  My brother and his wife take care of her, take her to doctors, shopping and everything.  I'm 9hrs away and call them all the time.

Mom just got over a sinus infection.  When you're 95, any virus, infection, a stubbed toe, etc, can be life threatening.

So my brother's wife emails me 2 days ago.  "Jess, just to let you know, your mom spent the night....".
That's it.  What the HELL???   Calls and emails get no answer.  "spent the night in the hospital"??

I'm beside myself with worry.

Finally, she returns my email the next day and explains mom was having trouble breathing and we ran her up to the ER, and it's a return of congestive heart failure (water in the lungs) she's had before.  Mom just thought it was being old (she's still got all her marbles and smarts, but..).  My brother's wife saved her life, so I can hardly complain about this incomplete email that worried me so.

The medics and nurses fixed mom right up and she's almost back to normal, and back home, just like that.  Mom is the Energizer Bunny.  I love her so much. 

I'm sending everyone flowers.

[LadyDraco]

Glad  it all turned  out well.
And YES ! That was  a very incomplete  message  to you !

[f6john]

I spent the day with my mom on Friday. My wife thinks the world of her and has started to prepare food dishes to take every time we visit. Mother will be 97, August 29th and lives by herself but fortunately my sister and her husband live about 15 minutes away and they transport her any where she needs to go, and manages her medications.

I’ll admit an incomplete email about my mother would be troubling but at least I’m now only an hour and 45 minutes away. My mother had experience with elderly parents and my grandmother lived with my parents from 1978 until 1999. I was largely tied up with life and work during those years and didn’t visit that often. I only found out after my grandmothers death how much pressure it put on my parents lives at a time when they should have been enjoying their “golden years”. So, my mother has said she will live by herself up to the point she can no longer take care of herself and then if it comes to it a nursing home will be her next stop. I’m praying that is never her fate.

Something tells me our mothers are very much alike and could have been great friends.

[Jess from VA]

John, I bet they could be great friends.

Mom complains everyone I ever knew my whole life is dead.

She also complains the few old people I occasionally talk to always want to talk about their bowel movements... what the hell kind of conversation is that!!!  

I wish I lived closer, I'd visit all the time.  Some years ago, my brother told me a nice home was for sale out where he lives just across the street.  I was raised in that frozen tundra with 6 months of cold and snow and swore I'd never live up there again.  And I've been in my little home in VA for 35 years, and it's all fixed up to my liking and paid off, and I'll die here (if not riding motorcycles).

I visit every Summer and sleep on a spare mattress on her floor.  I spend that week doing every single job she can think of to make her life easier (clean and scrub and windows).  And I give her money, and buy her anything she wants (like every single appliance in her house, electric lazyboys, water heater, just anything).  And we talk on the phone often.  It's the best I can do. 

[GiG]

Jess:
I think your brother & mom live near me. It’s been 95• past 2 weeks , no much frozen anywhere.
But, the canucks are trying to kills us all with their pollution  
Air quality is awful! Air is thick & hazy. My eyes have been itching & watering nonstop. Breathing is difficult too. Could be part of what’s ailing Mom    Never thought I was sensitive to smoke, but it’s really kicking my butt!    
Hope mom recovers and feels better!

[John Schmidt]

Jess, I know what you're talking about when a number of elders get together, the conversation seems to always turn into an organ recital. When asked, I always tell the participants I have my own problems the same as everyone else so don't need to have a repeat. That usually gets a few nods and I then change the subject.

It's good to hear "mom" is doing ok now, you and John are fortunate in that your mothers are still here and living on their own. My adoptive mother died when I was 10, dad remarried and she died near 80 from a stroke(we never go along), my bio-mom I did locate and later she passed at 71. The one I missed the most was my adoptive mother, we were inseperable during the war years and beyond.

[Jersey mike]

My dad who lives in Boca Raton has been staying with us since Father’s Day, he’ll be 93 the end of September.

Dad’s a tough cookie trying to get him to fly, and return to NJ. He lives alone in a little townhouse and my brother who is in Lake Worth food shops and visits 3-4 times a week and does odd jobs around his house  for the last few years.

Dad stayed with us a couple summers back and I almost had him convinced to stay but he eventually decided he wanted to be home in his house.

We got him up here this summer under the guise of a couple important family parties, my great niece graduated HS and is going off to college and my nephew had an engagement party, now it’s can I convince him to stay on permanently. This will give my brother (69) some long needed free time since dad will not allow any outside help other than the cleaning ladies to come to his house. He doesn’t want “Visiting Angels” or anyone of that nature coming to the house, he says they’re too expensive and he doesn’t need them in his house.

It’s often difficult for my brother and his wife to make trips up here for important events and the holidays since all of his children are here in NJ and dad is uncooperative. So trips up to NJ for my brother and his wife are often short.

We have some things to consider regarding him staying permanently, finding new doctors, getting him new health insurance so he can see doctors from NJ as well as FL and what to actually do with his townhouse. My daughter is getting married in May ‘26 and my nephew in September’26 so flying back this  fall and returning come the end of April is quite a lot of air time for him. On his flight up here in June, his right foot swelled up considerably and it took a number of days to get that swelling down.

Dad isn’t so nimble these days, he has balance issues, uses a Walker, can’t walk all that far and is hunched over like the proverbial question mark. Other than that he’s is pretty good shape although they did put a stent in about 3-4 years ago which helped considerably.

[Jess from VA]

Jess: I think your brother & mom live near me.

Gig, it's 48111, West off I-275, Oakville-Waltz, 20 acres in Wayne and 20 acres in Monroe Counties.

You and John are fortunate in that your mothers are still here and living on their own.

Yes we are John.  I know the day will come when I get THE call, and every time I see her I wonder if it's the last.  But I don't dwell on it.  I live to make her laugh.

He doesn’t want “Visiting Angels” or anyone of that nature coming to the house, he says they’re too expensive and he doesn’t need them in his house.

I get the independence thing Mike.  I feel the same way.  My mom likes company, but she likes living in her own place, and our remaining family works to make that happen for her.

I'm not crazy about people in my house either, except the necessary tradesmen to fix stuff I can't.  My old treadmill finally blew up and I get a new one delivered tomorrow, and I had to open my front door which is crooked in the frame and weather stripped, and stuffed full of foam and hadn't been opened in about 5 years (becasue the hot, cold and bugs got in.   )  But it's the only door the old treadmill can go out, and the new one in.

[Jersey mike]

Jess: I think your brother & mom live near me.

Gig, it's 48111, West off I-275, Oakville-Waltz, 20 acres in Wayne and 20 acres in Monroe Counties.

You and John are fortunate in that your mothers are still here and living on their own.

Yes we are John.  I know the day will come when I get THE call, and every time I see her I wonder if it's the last.  But I don't dwell on it.  I live to make her laugh.

He doesn’t want “Visiting Angels” or anyone of that nature coming to the house, he says they’re too expensive and he doesn’t need them in his house.

I get the independence thing Mike.  I feel the same way.  My mom likes company, but she likes living in her own place, and our remaining family works to make that happen for her.

I'm not crazy about people in my house either, except the necessary tradesmen to fix stuff I can't.  My old treadmill finally blew up and I get a new one delivered tomorrow, and I had to open my front door which is crooked in the frame and weather stripped, and stuffed full of foam and hadn't been opened in about 5 years (becasue the hot, cold and bugs got in.   )  But it's the only door the old treadmill can go out, and the new one in.

Trying to find that sweet spot for independence and peace of mind for my brother and I has been trying to say the least. My brother did install a couple of WiFi cameras to at least check his movements. Dad insists he can care for himself but his decline is really noticeable. It’s a fine line that’s for sure.

[Jess from VA]

Trying to find that sweet spot for independence and peace of mind for my brother and I has been trying to say the least.

The fine line is often decided by either a big fall and injury, or a serious illness, resulting in incapacitation precluding independent living. 

My mom took a fall a few years back where her head put a hole in her drywall (even sent me the picture of the hole).  She didn't lose her independence, but that put her on a walker for all ambulation since. 

[Jersey mike]

Trying to find that sweet spot for independence and peace of mind for my brother and I has been trying to say the least.

The fine line is often decided by either a big fall and injury, or a serious illness, resulting in incapacitation precluding independent living. 

My mom took a fall a few years back where her head put a hole in her drywall (even sent me the picture of the hole).  She didn't lose her independence, but that put her on a walker for all ambulation since. 

My brother told me dad’s primary doctor was pretty up front with him and dad. Doctor told them both he’s in great shape for his age. At this point he can eat and drink anything he wants, it the implications of a fall especially a broken hip or leg that’s going to probably be his demise.

This is another reason I’m trying to get him to stay. At home his floors are all tile and he likes to walk barefoot. My house is carpeted throughout and ne wear socks, slippers only sometimes.

Difficult to be forced to make decisions for the ones who once did the same for you.

A friend of ours down the street has her mom living with her. Just a few months back the mom somehow got her leg trapped between a door, fell and broke her leg, needing surgery. The mom hasn’t hasn’t been the same since surgery, issues from anesthesia and her memory.

[GiG]

Took a ride on Oakville Waltz today, reckon they are 3 miles south of me- same  zip.
Was really just wondering how some other folks been coping with this poor weather quality.  Got me down!

[Jess from VA]

Took a ride on Oakville Waltz today, reckon they are 3 miles south of me- same  zip.
Was really just wondering how some other folks been coping with this poor weather quality.  Got me down!

I haven't heard anything from her on air quality, only heat.

Up until recently, she was walking 3/4 of a mile (slowly) outside on her upright walker at the crack of dawn. 

Got one for her last year.