My MIL just passed away this morning

[scooperhsd]

We got the call from the home health / hospice care at 0610 this morning. She spent the last 4-5 years in an assisted living / memory care facility.

Until her dementia took her away, she was a great person to have around.

[f6john]

God bless her. My mothers prayer has always been to be able to maintain her mind until she is no more. I hope your MIL is rejoicing in heaven this morning!

[Robert]

Sorry to hear this, but she had been gone awhile from the description. Hope your ok.

[carolinarider09]

Prayers for you and you family.   

[Oss]

very sorry for your loss

We lost Mom in May, She could recognize everyone by name till the last few days
butt yeah  Dementia is a cruel downhill slope to ride or be around a loved one

she was in the memory unit almost 2 yrs when she passed

Very greatful for the wonderful people who care for our loved ones

[Jersey mike]

You and your family have my deepest condolences and sympathy, it’s not easy.

Before I got married all I ever heard were mother in law nightmare stories, but I never experienced any of that. My mother-in-law took me as one of the family and became a part of my life. She was a good person.

As for her passing in the home, we experienced something similar with my father-in-law. We got a call 2 days before he passed and were able to spend time with him. On the third day, early in the morning (7am or so) as we were getting ready to go over and talking…me, my wife and her sister, the call came that he had passed just a little earlier. Although we did spend time there we were hoping to be there with him when the time came but it wasn’t meant to be.

Again, sincere condolences and deep sympathy for you, your wife and the entire family.

[old2soon]

      PRAYERS up from the Missouri Ozarks!  Do yer best to Remember her as She was before that dilitating dementia took over. May She be 3 days in Heaven before the devil knows she's gone.

[Rams]

My sincerest condolences for your loss.  

Firsthand experience losing both sets of parents for my wife and I.   It never gets easier.  

Should there be anything you need, please let us know.

Rams

[OnaWingandaPrayer]

May she rest in peace, with her creator forever. May your family be blessed with comfort.

[DIGGER]

Sorry gor your loss....praying for you and your family

[Alien]

I'm very sorry to hear this.  My dad is dealing with a very fast moving dementia and I know how hard it is. 

[scooperhsd]

I'm very sorry to hear this.  My dad is dealing with a very fast moving dementia and I know how hard it is. 

You have my sympathys. We kept Mom at home until we just couldn't deal anymore. My wife was undergoing cancer treatments at the sametime Mom was spiraling down - not a good time for me.Wife is now 3.5 years past treatments, and we got Mom into the facility just as the wife was finishing up.

On that note - I'd like to thank all of you for being there for me.

[cookiedough]

sorry for the loss, lost mom age 80 to dimentia 3 years ago, dreaded thing to be around for like a good solid 8 years of not really knowing even your own family or names, etc. acting like a 3 year old, it sucked!  Neither is a good way to go not sure which is worse loosing your mind or your body,  I would pick loosing body over mind though for I do not want my family members seeing me like that not knowing much even close family members and needing help at the end in wheelchair not remembering how to walk, go to bathroom,  showering, eat very well by myself, needing basic helps daily.

Is tough dealing with it all mostly by myself, moving mom to 4 assisted living homes in those 8 or so years.  I had to take her out of her home, another tough thing to deal with but her DR. at the time, told her she can no longer go back home after falling down unable to get up and also with dimentia walking away from her home in the middle of the night in freezing winter temps, lucky neighbor lady friend saw her and walked her back into her house. I knew she shoulda been taken out of her home a few years prior, but I could not force myself to do it, luckily nothing very very bad happened besides falling down and walking away from her house.

She was on risperdone and sertraline for over 8 years about since her mind would hallucinate her seeing intruders in her house thought it was real calling the cops a few times as well.  Every weekend for well over 10 years I would have to go over and visit and mostly check on her to make sure meds taken (mostly were???) and one time walked into hallway felt the carpet soaking wet about 1 inch standing water over carpet even.  Her toilet was leaking at the base and WHAT a MESS leaking into the basement for am sure few days or more.  Most of the water dripping into the basement went into the old 14 ft fishing boat NO JOKE about 1 foot of water on the entire floor of boat.  There went that weekend drying up the soaked carpet and replacing the toilet.  Mom's mind was so far gone she did not realize she was walking in water over the drenched carpet in hallway outside of the bathroom.

[Farside]

 May she RIP. Prayers for comfort and peace.

[Jersey mike]

I'm very sorry to hear this.  My dad is dealing with a very fast moving dementia and I know how hard it is. 

You have my sympathys. We kept Mom at home until we just couldn't deal anymore. My wife was undergoing cancer treatments at the sametime Mom was spiraling down - not a good time for me.Wife is now 3.5 years past treatments, and we got Mom into the facility just as the wife was finishing up.

On that note - I'd like to thank all of you for being there for me.

Some may remember I tried to chronicle our Alzheimer’s / dementia experience with my wife’s father who came to live with us after my wife’s mom passed. It was a terrible experience all the way around, from him being awake almost all night, wandering the house and keeping people awake to getting violent here at home as well as the adult day care center that we enrolled him at.

The subject brings up all the bad things of the disease and just how no two people who are afflicted with Alzheimer’s or dementia react. I wouldn’t wish this disease on my worst enemy, it stole most of his personality and the entire memory of his life, wife and children as well as the over 30 years of volunteer service involving youth soccer and the concept of the game he was passionate about and would watch whenever possible.

His unpredictable violent tendencies forced us to request from his doctor a medication called Haldol(sp?) which would turn him into a zombie for the time he was on it. It was very difficult to find a home that could handle him but we eventually did with the help of the folks at the day care center he attended.

It’s a terrible, terrible disease not just for the poor people with it but for the family and people who care for them as well. It’s a disease that tries your patience, pulls at the heart and takes a mental and physical toll on everyone involved or who tries to help.

[cookiedough]

well said, Jersey Mike..

Almost forgot about the outburst and tempers my Mom did a few times near the end.  My mom was pretty mild mannered always happy go lucky type, but one of her drs. appts. I suggested lowering the dose of risperdone to lowest dose seeing as how she was doing fine since the dose of risperdone was already like 2nd lowest dose as compared to at first 8 or so years ago on much heavier dose since she was seeing people attack her in her own house thinking it was real, calling the cops.  BIG mistake. just a few days later she became violent at the assisted living throwing her silverware and being basically mean/grumpy, totally something she has never done her entire mild mannered life.  Just a smidge lower dose of that one pill made her attitude/mind become angry/violent.  Shoulda just left meds alone.

It doesn't make it any easier knowing a close relative/friend will be passing soon as I knew my mom would be since she was constantly sleeping most of the day and night last few months.  Somehow though knowing she was going to go was a relief mostly to her seeing as how she was not herself all these later years in life vs. as say when my dad passed unexpectedly Christmas night in 2008 seemed much harder to take.

[Jersey mike]

As a comparison to what I mentioned how no two people have the same symptoms, our neighbor across the street, her mom had Alzheimer’s and she was as gentle and easy going as a baby lamb. My neighbor would say her mom’s only issue was that the mother would say she keeps her mom too busy (my neighbors are constantly on the go) when all she would want to do is either watch tv or sit outside.

A few times a year her mom would come and stay with her for a few weeks to give her family who she lived with a little rest.

I cannot recall the entire story but at one point the mom would invite strangers into the house (that she lived in with my neighbor’s family) for tea, coffee and snacks and a salesman had her signed up for some home renovations that the family caught wind of and promptly handled. The mom lived in a downstairs “apartment” and had some freedom of “living alone”.

It’s a crazy disease that’s for sure. I can’t tell you how much we read up on it. How much crisscrossing information we came across…one source would say this and another would say that. As many sites would suggest we look for support groups which were few and far between and the ones we did find only met during regular work hours and on a monthly schedule.

We tried respite care a few times only to be called in the next day to take him out because he was such a difficult patient. He’d be up all night wandering the halls, waking up others and causing disturbances. One place sent him to the hospital because he was so unruly he started a fight after trying to leave and had to be restrained.


Sorry, didnt mean to go on a rampage, it just brings back all the stuff I slowly forgotten about…and yet that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Anyone dealing with this you have my respect and sympathy as well. All you can do is the best you can do. To try and fix it is not a solution. This disease needs to be addressed at an extreme level.

[scooperhsd]

The funeral was yesterday afternoon, with a decent number of people in attendance. My siblings, several of Mom's surviving friends. Unfortunately, Mom's surviving siblings were not able to attend - too far away, too old for travel. I had one of my brothers video record it, he'll have his oldest son do some editing, and then we will make it available some how (I'm thinking a youtube video) to watch.

 Yes, the early stages weren't too bad, but as time went by(and her disease progressed), it was terrible to watch and be helpless to ease her life. I remember how angry she was when I had to have her driving priviledges revoked for her own safety.

One plus - at the funeral, the cousin who caused so much trouble (and we ended up kicking him out) has grown up, and apoligized for the trouble he had caused. We had a 10-15 minute civilized conversation.

[Jersey mike]

The funeral was yesterday afternoon, with a decent number of people in attendance. My siblings, several of Mom's surviving friends. Unfortunately, Mom's surviving siblings were not able to attend - too far away, too old for travel. I had one of my brothers video record it, he'll have his oldest son do some editing, and then we will make it available some how (I'm thinking a youtube video) to watch.

 Yes, the early stages weren't too bad, but as time went by(and her disease progressed), it was terrible to watch and be helpless to ease her life. I remember how angry she was when I had to have her driving priviledges revoked for her own safety.

One plus - at the funeral, the cousin who caused so much trouble (and we ended up kicking him out) has grown up, and apoligized for the trouble he had caused. We had a 10-15 minute civilized conversation.

They say time heals all wounds and to an extent I’ve found that to be fairly true.

Today is one of my daughter’s birthday, today is the day my wife’s father passed. Yes he died on her birthday. That evening after a day of dealing with everything involving his passing many tears were dried up and we lit the candles on her cake and sang to her, we omitted the word happy from the traditional birthday song and it actually made her laugh and her laughter brought out smiles and laughter from all who were here with us.

Some more tears did follow but we got through it and moved forward. Today my wife and daughter are now out looking at florists for her upcoming wedding in May and we will have our typical pizza and ice cream cake celebration.

My wife (and myself) miss her father but not the man the disease turned her father into. He was a good man who loved his family deeply.

I hope the healing process is quick for you and your family and that the time needed will not be prolonged. Remember the good and discard the bad. She’d the tears when necessary and smile when the good memories come back.