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Black Pearl's Captain
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« on: March 17, 2009, 04:27:44 AM » |
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No I don't have any so post yours.
Oh yeah, have a happy green day.
Raymond
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FLAVALK
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« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2009, 04:57:06 AM » |
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OK, but only because you asked...
So, three Irishmen are sitting at a bar....
The first says: "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"
The second then starts: "That sounds like a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one called Quinns. At Quinns, you buy a drink, Quinn buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Quinn buys you another drink."
Then the third pipes up. "You think that's good? Where I come from, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That sounds fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?" "No," replies their friend, "but it happened to my sister!"
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Live From Sunny Winter Springs Florida via Huntsville Alabama
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Duffy
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« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2009, 05:02:12 AM » |
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Two Irishmen walked out of a bar.  |
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junior
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« Reply #3 on: March 17, 2009, 05:20:10 AM » |
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i was told and irish man aint drunk unless he cant hold on the the blade of grass and not fall off the earth  |
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Valker
Member
Posts: 2995
Wahoo!!!!
Texas Panhandle
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« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2009, 08:00:36 AM » |
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From my Irish side of the family... Where does an Irishman go for vacation? A different pub. Why did God make alcohol? To keep the Irish from ruling the Earth.  |
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I ride a motorcycle because nothing transports me as quickly from where I am to who I am.
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vanagon40
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« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2009, 08:26:25 AM » |
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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
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vanagon40
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« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2009, 08:39:33 AM » |
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I’d received a request for equipment from a company in Belfast, Ireland. They wanted me to come over and check the job site. But I didn’t want to go. I’d heard that there was a lot of violence over there.
Jim, my brother-in-law who is Irish, told me to reconsider. He said Belfast was a magnificent city, with wonderful pubs, a great history, good public transportation and so on.
Then he said, “Why, my own father worked there for over ten years and never had a problem. The stories about violence are greatly exaggerated.”
I asked, “What did your father do over there?”
He said, “He was a tail-gunner on a milk truck.”
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X Ring
Member
Posts: 3626
VRCC #27389, VRCCDS #204
The Landmass Between Mobile And New Orleans
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« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2009, 08:45:32 AM » |
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A Frenchman, a German and an Irishman walk into a bar and order a round of whiskey. When the drinks are served each one has a fly in it. The Frenchman says, "Mon Deiu, I can not drink zeese." The German takes the fly out of his drink, drops it on the bar and starts sipping his drink. The Irishman picks the fly out of his drink, holds it over the glass and says, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"
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People are more passionately opposed to wearing fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than bikers.  |
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Hogg
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« Reply #8 on: March 17, 2009, 09:09:03 AM » |
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One night, Mrs Mcmillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep,
"Hello Paddy, but where is my husband, he went with you to the beer factory" Paddy shook his head slowly.
"Ah Mrs Mcmillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned" .
Mrs Mcmillen starts crying.
After a minute, she managed to say between sobs, "Oh don't tell me that, poor Shamus. did he at least go quickly?"
Paddy shakes his head,
"No, I'm afraid, not really, he got out 3 times to pee he did".
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Varmintmist
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« Reply #9 on: March 17, 2009, 12:22:45 PM » |
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That is similar to the Quincy McFarland death.
He fell into a vat of Jamesons and drowned. They pulled him out three times but he managed to fight his way back every time.
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What is a Irish 7 course meal?
A six pack and a baked potato.
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However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.
Churchill
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MP
Member
Posts: 5532
1997 Std Valkyrie and 2001 red/blk I/S w/sidecar
North Dakota
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« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2009, 02:52:30 PM » |
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I'm Irish, and I resemble these jokes!
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 "Ridin' with Cycho" |
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15196
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2009, 03:16:55 PM » |
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How tough was he? He could put his left hand in his right hip pocket and hold himself out at arm's length! |
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Wizzard
Member
Posts: 4043
Bald River Falls
Valparaiso IN
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« Reply #12 on: March 17, 2009, 05:03:48 PM » |
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An irish toast to our wives and girlfriends,, may they never meet each other
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 VRCC # 24157 |
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Wizzard
Member
Posts: 4043
Bald River Falls
Valparaiso IN
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« Reply #13 on: March 17, 2009, 05:04:44 PM » |
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Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little crap, O'Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty to look at it was ... but useless in a fight."
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VRCC # 24157 |
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ptgb
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« Reply #14 on: March 17, 2009, 06:42:41 PM » |
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Hey! All these Irish jokes are offensive to my two Irish friends... Paddy O'Furniture and Holden Magroin |
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 Lower Lakes 1000 - 07/07 & 09/10 * Bun Burner GOLD - 09/10 Lake Superior 1000 - 07/11 * Lake Michigan 1000 - 09/11 * Lake Huron 1000 - 09/11 Saddlesore 2000 - 09/11 * Ohio 1000 - 07/13 |
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Mr.BubblesVRCCDS0008
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« Reply #15 on: March 17, 2009, 07:26:38 PM » |
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An Irish guy sitting in a pub looking out the window. A stranger comes in and ask his name. Shawn replys by saying you see that dock out there on the lake I built it, but nobody calls me Shawn the dock builder, you see that stone fence by the road, I built it but nobody calls me Shawn the fence builder. But just let I guy have #@$ with a goat........... |
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Willy
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« Reply #16 on: March 17, 2009, 09:29:09 PM » |
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What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk!  |
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BigAlOfMD
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« Reply #17 on: March 17, 2009, 10:34:17 PM » |
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Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have
services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do
something for the creature." Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father.
Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?" Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn`t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
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