So much for marriage... I gave it my all....

[Trynt]

Sorry to hear of your problems.  It may not seem like it now, but you are better off without her.

[BF]

Excellent advice from ALL.....especially alph's.  You're at war.  If not now, you will be.  Primary above all else, protect yourself and your assets. 

I don't have any first hand experience (thank goodness), but I have seen more than several friends go though this and they ALL have turned out the same way.....the women goes on a witch hunt with you being the target. 

After watching one friend and his experiences go through what your about to go through, I've got one other thing to add that no one else has told you.....

Stay out of titty bars, do not date any other woman, don't go on a drinking binge, stay out of pool halls, etc.......don't do ANYTHING that can and will be used against you.  Someone may be following you taking pictures. 

Don't laugh......that kinda crap actually happens. 

[NEHI]

    Google," After a while you learn."A great poem that has helped me through a few tough relationships.

[Tropic traveler]

Wow, I hate to hear that as I have been there & had that done to me as well.
PLEASE take Britman's advice & PROTECT YOUR ASSETS!!!!!!!!!!!
You have no idea at this stage how important that will be. I guarantee the soon-to-be ex-wife is & has been getting an earful about how to go about taking all she can from you. Don't bet your financial future on it!!
The pain WILL pass & trust me, better days are ahead..... MUCH better days!  Don't let the experience sour you on the fairer sex because there ARE lots of women who will do right by you.
I wasted my late teens & all of my 20's on a worthless woman only to go thru a very rough spell {the deception} & then find someone FAR better than I ever expected.
Lay back, play it smart & cool. Vengeance is not yours, she will do that to herself. You cannot sell something to someone who doesn't want to buy so don't even try. Concentrate on the things you can control. My father told me it takes 2 to get married but only 1 to get divorced. Boy aint that the truth!
We are all pulling for you, you have friends you don't even know!!

[Gear Jammer]

Joe,  When I first read the post TITLE, I thought "here's another good one from Joe !",,, then I read the text below.  I'm almost speechless, and that doesn't happen too often.  Take care and listen to your friends here.  I too have "been there, and done that",,, though not as many times as a couple of guys here      I'll be staying on the sidelines, to avoid any cross contamination of "Bobby's Law",   

[ILcruiser]

I'm new here, but am an attorney and have been through two divorces, so I do have some advice.  The best thing you can do right now is get good legal representation.  A lot of people don't do that, thinking that somehow doing that might completely eliminate any possibility of reconciliation.  That's not true.  Just speaking from a guy's perspective, when you're in shock as you are now, there's a tendency to make decisions with your heart and your emotions, and that's where a lot of us get in trouble.  You wouldn't try to walk with a broken leg, would you?  Aside from finding good legal representations, engage in self-care.  That means eating healthy, exercising, turning to your faith, and surrounding yourself with people, friends and family who care a lot about you.  And above all, stop beating yourself up.  All of us who have been through it could have done more to try to keep the marriage together, but in reality, few of us would have succeeded.  I hate seeing anyone go through it, but it's obvious from reading the posts of members here who know you that you're a quality guy, and once you're through it and healed, there's a good life waiting for you, in many ways better than the one that's changing on you now.  Good luck and godspeed.

[JOCK3]

Theres a lot of good advice on this thread,get a lawyer,protect your assets.Ive been there,going through a divorce was the most distressing experience of my life,dont sit on your own with a whisky bottle,and when your feeling bad,go and see a funny movie.

Since i divorced my ex,i have been in one serious relationship and its lasted over 22 years and i hope it lasts another 22 years at least,my ex is now on number 5 .

At this time you are at a real low ebb,go and cheer yourself up,she will walk all over you if you do not protect yourself.

my thoughts are with you

[Gunslinger]

Lots of good advice here Joe, I won't burden you with my opinions as I don't know your particular situation.

As always though, if you need ANYTHING Call.

Anytime, any day, for any reason.

[Crazyhorse]

Prayers from Middle Tenn.

[tivoklr]

When it became obvious that a  friend of mine's marriage was headed for divorce he met will all the best divorce lawyers in town to discuss their taking his case.

It did cost him a little money, but the result was that she couldn't hire any of them because it would've been a conflict of interests on their part.

A little dirty perhaps but believe me she doesn't intend to play fair.   

You have a very astute friend. If you have the cash to do this, DO IT. Likewise, try to lawyer up with a female attorney, as was mentioned above, best move ever if you do have to go to court.

Went through divorce in 2009 (I think?) We were separated forever before that so it's all a blur. It's war now for you, bottom line. Protect YOU and let the chips fall where they may. It's not your fault...as somebody else said before, take time for you now, you will need it and it will help you figure out who you are and where you fit into this picture and will help to formulate what exactly you want in the future.

Keep your chin up and fight fight fight.

[valkmc]

Hide all the $, vauables and assests you can, it is much easier to give them back (if a judge ever tells you to) than to get them back from her. I know, been there done that.

Married 13 years and then single, once I got use to it I had a lot of fun. Keep the faith and you will be alright and certianly don't blame yourself.

[HotRod]

Hang in there brother,you will get though this,prayers from Vegas.

[czuch]

This thread reads like a "What to do".
Theres alot of love here for you Bro.
It will get better. The advise about getting followed is spot on.

[Fatboyman05]

I wish you the best of luck and will pray for you.

Past experience is an expensive lesson. I agree with all that has been said but I’d like to offer the following suggestions:
If you sell anything to convert it to cash, keep receipts and detailed records.

You need a mailbox, preferably at the Post office where you get a key and your mail is safe. It does not need to be in the town where you physically live and if you commute get one in the middle. Breaks up the drive and you’re less likely to be “surprised” by someone who “just happened to be there” (who was actually waiting for you). If you work or have any predictability in your schedule your mail being stolen is a risk you can’t afford. Once you have the new PO Box, do a TEMPORARY address forward for the maximum 6 months. (Permanent ones get responded to differently on return receipt mail). Keep track of the mail you get and individually update your address with them.
You will use this address for all your new mail too and even for any court papers.

Cell phone – Keep your current number but switch it to a super low # of minutes and put it in a drawer.  Some phones, even when turned off, can be tracked. Check the voicemail on the old number for important messages, save her venomous messages. If you have a close friend they can screen the voicemails and only tell you what you “need” to know.
Get a new physical phone with a new number or even a new provider if it suits you. Keep the new number as private as possible.

Change all of the beneficiaries that you can and you now need a will, living will, power of medical attorney. You should discuss these with the attorney you retain. These are simple form documents that you can get on the web and at bigger office supply stores.
If you own your vehicle outright you may want to discuss (with attorney) adding a second owner (not necessarily family) to the title or putting it in the name of an out of your state LLC which you can “own”. Or even trading it in on a leased car (just not one she would want). May or may not be worth it based on your state laws.

You can no longer bank at any bank where you and she have both had an account whether or not they were joint. () I’d suggest a bank that is a couple towns over from where you live. With the internet banking these days you’ll be surprised how easy it can be.
Forgetting all the above, do yourself a favor and write a letter to the future you. One for a month from now and one for six months out. You could do a summary of the present situation but Be optimistic for the future you; write it in the third person a little, telling yourself where you want to be emotionally, spiritually, things you should be spending your time on by then. Don’t squirrel them away; give em a read when you think of it from time to time.

I know it's a long post, sorry bout that

[fudgie]

Sorry to hear this.  Been there myself. Was together for a total of 11 yrs with 6 of it married. Everything was fine till a week prior. I felt a whole lot better tho when I smashed 2 beer bottles in his face.  In the end it was the best thing I could have done. I put on a boat load of Valk miles and found another girl, alot younger!  Still close with the x and her hubby.
Alot of good advise. What ever happens after the separation is your to do and not hers. If you buy another Valk, she can have no take in it. But anything you do have together she has take in. So be careful there. Dont sell a bike and think she cant have it, she will. The Valk was my out and made things go away. I fought to keep it and am still paying on it, again. She is mine tho.
Careful with your personal life during these times. I done alot of stuff that I regret doing cause I was 'free'. I was the man that I hated in the 1st place.
You will go through stages. Denial, blame, and acceptance. Talk to someone.

[Lil D]

prayers from NY friend....

[tybme]

Joe,

I am very sorry to hear this and I will make my reply brief.

I have been through all of this and more please call me if you need someone to talk to. You are starting a walk into some very grey mists and you don't have to do it alone.

Ty, I spoke with Joe.  He says it will go a long way to ease his pain if you'll check the Classifieds and buy his receiver hitch.    

Edit:  Violation of Rules corrected.

Sigh I am such a bad person.  

[stude31]

to my extended family... 

I just wanted to check in and say that I am alive and doing well.  Thank you for all your support and concern.  No worries!  my assets are protected and I am doing just fine.  God is amazing and he sustains.  I appreciate all the prayers and love that you have sent our way. 

Thank you...  continue to keep us in your prayers these are two good people trying to figure things out.  Try not to make her out to be too vicious.  Yes I have seen some women go very evil but Jessi hasn't shown that even in the darkest times.  No one really knows the details as we do and honestly only God knows so with his guidance and love we will figure this out.  In due time.   For the record I have been in her shoes in a previous marriage so please don't think I am an angel, I too am a sinner and need Jesus.  If it wasn't for him in my life 12 years ago when I asked him to come into my life I wouldn't be the man nor have the character that I have.  So with all due respect, please understand I am not perfect and not that I make excuses or blame myself entirely. 

There are many phone calls from you guys to pm's and the support is very humbling.  You guys are family and I know you all are looking out for me and that is much appreciated and encouraging.  We can argue about what tire, oil, or octane we run in our bikes but the one thing that I am drawn to is the most important thing is it's about relationships.  Our bikes will fade but the relationships they have created will last a lifetime.  I have more friends than I could have ever imagined it is truly amazing. 

Thank you all and God Bless you guys...   One of the toughest things in life is when your in hard times and all the walls are closing in.  Where do you go?  I choose to lean on God and trust in him.  I may not be perfect but I know who is.  And the support of all of you is unbelievable.   

yours truly,

Joe.

[HayHauler]

You have your heart in the right place Joe.  Keep the faith my brother, we will get through this.

Hay 
Jimmyt

[Super Santa]

Sorry to hear this, Joe.  Prayers for you on the way from Texas.

I can't offer you much more as that is one road I have not traveled.

I still treasure the time I got to spend with you last summer getting acquainted

If there is anything I can do to help, please ask.

Ray

[¿spoom]

As one who divorced his wife about 15 years ago I can attest to the fact it's possible to remain friends and not have either person cheated. I also know it's possible to win the lottery and that hasn't happened to me or almost anyone else in the world   Take the advice given earlier and talk to a good lawyer and prepare for the worst. If it doesn't happen-swell. If it does, you'll be prepared and not a deer in headlights. You don't have to bury your money in the backyard or hide stuff in Mongolia. You DO have to secure everything so it is actually accessible to distribute according to the courts. She may be wonderful now, but things can change in a hurry and then it's too late to change the locks and close the joint accounts. All she has to do is hit a few hard times or come up a dollar short and you're going to look like a giant piggy bank. I know of one person who's Rolex disappeared from his house while he was work. Nothing else was missing and no sign of a break-in. She accused him of "hiding it" and wanted the judge to award her half the $7k-$8k it was worth. Get those charge cards taken care of however a lawyer advises, if nothing else call in and report them lost/stolen so they can cancel them and send replacements  
Time will heal things, but unless you have a time machine that don't mean squat right now. All my best,
glenn

[Mr.BubblesVRCCDS0008]

A good friend of mines divorce became final a week ago. He'd been married for over 23 yrs and never unfaithful or cheated on her. It hit him like a ton of bricks when she just said she hadn't loved him in a long time and it was over. Fast forward 6 mths of hell and two times into rehab for poor health and booze. Finally got his sh#t together and now that it's over he's starting a new life one day at a time.  Take all this good advise and run with it. You have to take care of you and what is yours. Our  thoughts and prayer are with you. Remember you have family here.