The electric fence & lawn mower...

[R J]

THIS IS FUNNY.  I LAUGHED TILL I CRIED. 
     
If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this. The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without
cursing. If you don't laugh hysterically at this, ...CHE CK YOUR PULSE... this is funny....and true. This was sent by a retired dentist.
 
We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
 
Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 2 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
 
One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.   It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
 
Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
 
Time stood still.
 
The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front
side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the
lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine..
 
It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of crap lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.
 
Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
 
At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad always had those piece of crap chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas. 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
 
Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a
loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please let it die .... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.
 
So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity,
standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day .... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
 
I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire .... I woke up
laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
 
Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
   1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
   2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right                        butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
   3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
   4 - My left eye will not open.
   5 - My right eye will not close.
   6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.
   7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long..
   8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
 
That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
 
The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

[Willow]

Checked my pulse.  I'm still alive.    

[hubcapsc]

Our chargers are the good kind from the Farm Store, not Lowes. Our ground rods are pounded all the way in.

When the new kittie jumped up to the top of one of the posts, I swear I ran as fast as I could to try and
get over there before she touched the wire.

Did you know cats can fly?

-Mike

[ChromeDome]

 

[Brad]

That is funny.  I think that this is the same guy who had his story posted on here awhile back.  He is the guy that bought the stun gun for his wife and decided to test it out on himself.

[Thunderbolt]

I remember as a kid hitting an electric fence with a blade of grass in my hand.  Didn't think it would go through grass, but it did.!!!!!!!!!

[R J]

It is more fun when ya walk up to a fence, grab it and then reach over and touch whoever ya have with ya.

My brother-in-law can't stand it.    He says it knocks his socks off......  He is a wimp anyway.

[Garfield]

I remember as a kid hitting an electric fence with a blade of grass in my hand.  Didn't think it would go through grass, but it did.!!!!!!!!!

Is that why you call yourself Thunderbolt? 

[alph]

Well, at least you know it works!!

I have an electric fence wired to my bird feeder.  I use to have squirrels stealing my bird seed, after I solved that dilemma, I noticed that my bird feeder was going empty again, so I set out a trail camera and took this picture.  Now with the electric fence wired around the feeder, I’m waiting for one of the kids to run the wire over with the mower, just to watch them experience the same thing you did.

Glad to hear you’re alright!!

[Gear Jammer]

Had to get out the Kleenex tissue paper for that one !  

[Wizzard]

you want to really find out how it feels, just take a piss on one. Did that as a dare when I was very young,, and yes I got 3 kids today. 

[sugerbear]

out rabbit hunting early one morning, my brother stepped over an electric fence.
his pants were wet from the dew. i just stood there laughing my but off as that wire slapped back and forth between his legs.

[Sharkey]

I own a weed burner type fence charger. It will do 50 miles of fence. It really does a number on the horses with nice metal shoes on. It shockes in pulses. One day I thought it was not working and touched it. With rubber bottomed boots on it still lit me up. I was on the couch the rest of the day with my back muscles tied up with spasms.

http://www.zarebasystems.com/products/ProductDetails.aspx?id=274
50 mile range
2.8 stored joules of power; 2 joule output at 75 ohms
Heavy weed conditions
115 volt, 60 cycle; pulsed output ( 1-second intervals)
Digital timing
Fuseless design
Fence lamp flashes when operating
Vented weather-resistant nonconductive cabinet
Moisture-resistant internal components
Repairs in minutes
UL listed
Order # A50LI

[rockrat]

I know all about those "weed burner" type fences.  Snuck on a neighbors place one night to raid his pond (good catfishing).  He had the electric fence about 6" from the barbed wire fence.  Cleared it going over, but not coming back.

Had both hands on the barb wire fence to "protect" things and the electric fence got me on the inner thigh about half way between the knee and the other thing.  I was there and coulldn't move.  I remember every pulse of that fence!!   Little brother wouldn't help, he knew better than to grab me.  Took alot of willpower to move my leg off that fence.

Had a bruise bigger than my hand , on my leg for about two weeks, from that.   Decided fishing there was too hazardous.

Things we do (survive) in our youth