Humor in Uniform 12/31/2010 through 1/7/2011

12/31/2010
I was standing on the shore of a lake in Fort Polk, LA., showing some soldiers how to use a compass, when I heard a collective gasp from the group. I quickly wheeled around only to catch sight of a huge alligator crouching in the mud no more than five feet away. Before I could flee for my life, one of the guys let me know I should take my time. “Don’t worry, Sarge, he ain’t movin,” he shouted. “He fell asleep listening to you too.”
Larry Thompson

1/1/2011
Because of the constant movement in the military, our headquarters command marked parking spaces with acronyms representing the various job titles worthy of reserved spots. A new staff sergeant was immediately struck by the variety of vehicles owned by the person assigned one particularly choice slot---it seemed a different model was parked there each day. Curious, he looked through the base phone book to find out who was in charge of “FCFS,” as the space was marked. Finally, unable to come up with the answer, he asked his coworkers if they knew. That’s when he learned the acronym stood for “First Come, First Served.”
Capt Jamey Cihak

1/2/2011
Sitting in basic communications training, we were having trouble understanding some concepts of satellite technology. “Come on, guys,” the instructor said, “this isn’t rocket science.” After an uncomfortable pause, a courageous trainee raised his hand and said, “Sir, I’m no genius, but since we are dealing with launching satellites, I believe this actually is rocket science.”
Jon Reinsch

1/3/2011
As a professor at Southwest Baptist University in Bolivar, MO, I often begin class by telling a story about my son who attends the U. S. Naval Academy. Last December, one ingenious student left me a note on the blackboard, wishing me a merry Christmas with the following words: “Feliz Navy dad!”
Bing B. Bayer

1/4/2011
There were tons of vending machines on base, and as the supply sergeant, I was responsible for all of them. So I pulled in a private and had him count the money. An hour later, he was finished. “Good,” I said. “What’s the count?” He replied, “I have 210 quarters, 180 dimes and 35 nickels.”
David Morris
For those of you who want the answer, it is $72.25.
RJ

1/5/2011
A friend was visiting me at Davis-Montham Air Force base and asked me to explain various acronyms. I told him PCS means permanent change of station, NCOIC stands for noncommissioned officer in charge, and TDY is used for temporary duty. Later, we were visiting in the ruins of an old fort. I mentioned that an assignment there must have been tedious. My friend asked, “What’s TDS?”
Robert Wido

1/6/2011
One day a young Air Force enlisted man walked into the base newspaper office where I worked and said he’s like to place an advertisement. “Classified?” I asked. “No, ma’am,” he replied with great seriousness. “It’s unclassified.”
Monica Costello

1/7/2011
While attending a formal military dinner with my boyfriend, an Army National Guardsman, I was baffled by the number of acronyms that were used, Finally I turned to the colonel next to me and said, “You should have a translator here for civilians. I don’t speak ‘Acronym.’” “I guess I never thought about it,” he said apologetically, “So what do you do for a living?” “Oh, I replied, “I work for a CPA.”
Ursula Klein