I intercepted a copy of RJ's application to Wal-mart...

> This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.
>
> They hired h im because he was so funny.....
>
>
> NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
>
> SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
>
> DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place
>
> DESIRED SALARY: $185,0 00 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
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> EDUCATION: Yes.
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> LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
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> PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
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> MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
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> REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
>
> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
>
> PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>
> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment ..
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> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
>
> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
>
> DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
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> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
>
> DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
> On my breaks - yes!
> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>
> NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
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> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
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>
>
> ***Old People Rock!