PAVALKER
Member
Posts: 4435
Retired Navy 22YOS, 2014 Valkyrie , VRCC# 27213
Pittsburgh, Pa
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« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2011, 10:17:34 PM » |
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With 22 years worth of experiences in the Navy I have seen, assisted with, and personally experienced, some of the issues with spouses and those relationship/divorce/child support/custody issues and financial hardship and stress. I have seen some great careers ruined, and people lives changed.... forever. It has been happening for many years, and might now be coming to more of a head because of the number of repeated or back-to-back deployments our troops must do. Not saying it doesn't happen in civilian life, but when a Soldier/Sailor/Marine or Airman is deployed, and this happens, it's like having your hands tied behind your back..... and literally being helpless. This is a terrible situation that most civilians can't comprehend, but it surely isn't the only reason why some of our returning military commit suicide, there are many other reasons as well. Some other reasons are the inability to adapt to civilian life, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the economy or lack of related jobs or any jobs, financial hardship, or whatever other situation that drives them into a deep despair and depression.
During my career, I was married...., and divorced, three times (a glutton for punishment I know). Each divorce was a little worse financially than the one before it, but somewhat easier to overcome emotionally and get thru. Kids were involved as well, which only complicates and compounds the issues even more. I was called into court at my home state for unwarranted custody/support issues on two occasions. Fortunately, a woman judge read between the lines and was on my side, but the lawyer retainer fees were already spent (no refunds there... even tho he didn't have to do a thing or say a word in court...really). At the end of what would be my third, and last marriage, I was deployed on the West Coast and my 3rd wife, and kids from my 2nd wife, were living back in our home town on the east. Without a long detailed story, I was persuaded to put in my retirement papers in hopes of saving my marriage... at a time I was up for a significant promotion (O4) (I was an O3E filling an O4/O5 Dept Head Billet on a carrier). Probably one of the worst decisions I could have made (aside from the decisions to get married to begin with) as the marriage was over anyhow - she just didn't tell me, but it was too late. My family wasn't present at my retirement, I drove across country myself and came home to an empty house (and I mean empty - just a a bed and a small selection of cooking/dinnerware - what the law requires I guess). I had to break into my own house to get inside, the locks and garage door code were changed, and speaking of change... even the change (coins) in my large whiskey bottle were gone...she didn't take the empty bottle tho. My kids were lied to and brainwashed and kicked out and back to their unfit mother. I had to scramble to recover my wits, recover my kids and protect what assets remained, then maintain a household. My kids and I ultimately recovered for the most part, although I am estranged from the youngest and she has issues as well. But I have a great relationship with the eldest (she knew and could see what was going on whereas the youngest did not).
I truly sympathize with our young troops that experience these significant life altering events, and wish there was some type of support system, emotional, legal and financial, that they could count on, even more so than what they have (with isn't much). Obviously I don't think it's worth the taking of their own life, but can understand how some feel that way. It's a shame.... a real shame....
My heart and prayers goes out to those men and women that go through this and other related life changing events....may the good Lord look out for them in their time of need.
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