Riding Scared

[Willow]

It was three years ago today I made the mistake of riding a motorcycle to a car crash.  During the ensuing weeks of recovery and recuperation I dealt with the issues of whether and how to ride again.  I was one of the fortunate ones who owned multiple Valkyries, so the process was not further complicated by decisions of whether and what to buy.

I was expectedly fearful in traffic when I was once more able to resume my time on two wheels.  I had anticipated that and was sure that it was something that would pass with time and experience.  I find with the passage of time it has improved, but not completely disappeared.  On the open road I am mostly as I always was, but when cages are present, I still often find my heart beating more rapidly.  I'm still from time to time riding scared.  I've also retained much longer than I'd expected an underlying fear of falling down.  If you were riding with me I don't think you'd actually notice except that my brake lights tend to flash at some odd moments.

Don't misunderstand.  I thoroughly enjoy my time in the wind.  It is, however different than it once was and it has surprised me how long some of the discomfort has lingered.  I feel oftimes that something was stolen from me three years ago and I resent that I believe it will continue to happen until "I didn't see him" is accepted as a legitimate excuse by no one.

Be safe.  Take reasonable precautions.  Enjoy what you have as much as you can have it.

Thanks for listening (reading).

[SANDMAN5]

Glad you're still here! Been a little over 4 years since our "accident". I feel
much the same way as you...still like to ride but it's a little different. Actually
it's helped me in a way because I pay more attention to my surroundings. I did
that before, but now I've turned my "Spidey-senses" up a notch. I'll make a deal
with you....if you don't wreck any more, I won't either.

[fudgie]

At least you got over your fear by getting back in the saddle.  Fear is how we fall. A similar but different story, I use to bull ride when I was 18-19 yrs old. Got knocked out for a few hours. Long story short everyone was against me riding again. After getting back up to par to ride again, I drew the same bull that gave me a ambulance ride. Rode him for 8 sec and I never rode again. Had to get over my fear.

I still remember you arriving at that Italian resturaunt during the G-burg ride and everyone clapping as you entered. 

[DarkMeister]

Scared is good. 

[RoadKill]

Unfortunately I ,and many others here,can empathize with your statements. 4yrs ago February 20th the emergency personnel were not sure if I needed a priest or a rabbi. When I walked out of that hospital I knew I would ride again,but it was not until I was getting that wind in the face,free therapy on my Valk,that I had time to reflect and wonder about all the 'what ifs' and close calls in the past...then it hit me hard......what about the ones in the future? How many lives did I start with and how many are left?    Then all of a sudden , out of the blue I remembered this
                         http://youtu.be/DBSAeqdcZAM
That's lookin at the bright side of things! Why cant my glass be 1/2 full instead of 1/2 empty as well?
But there are still days..even weeks that,altho' I am 100% for riders choice, I dont feel comfortable with out the helmet,and other days I just live on the edge!  

I just think of Garp when the fear gets in the way.


But sometimes I just WHISTLE !  http://youtu.be/jHPOzQzk9Qo
 

[bscrive]

I can relate as well.  Me, I had my accident only a couple of days after I got my motorcycle license back in '84.  I flew over the front of the car on to the pavement but my sister was not so lucky.  She went under the car with the bike and broke both her legs.  I rode again a couple of days later but she wouldn't even look at my bike after that.

I am glad that you recovered, they say that time heals all wounds but the ones we keep in our minds take a lot of time, if ever.  

One of my cousins who rides with me often has decided to get rid of his bike because he says that as he gets older his confidence level keeps dropping and now he is at the point where he is afraid to drive his GW in the 400 highways (interstates to you US guys).

[Grumpy]

I can really relate to your statements, two and a half years ago, when I was side swiped at 65 mph, took a while to recover. After I was able to get around again, had the bike repaired.  Took several months to get enough nerve to get on it again, then stuck to local back roads for a while. after a few weeks started braving the highways again, but with a different attitude. Now I make sure that no one is beside me at the same speed, I either speed up or slow down to stay away from the place I was hit before. I always try to stay in an outside lane, to give me an out to avoid getting nailed again. I still love the wind in my face and the thrill of two wheels. I no longer ride like I am invincible, I have a completely different attitude now.

[Devl]

I don't expect that you'd ever feel 100% safe after that kind of an accident.  I don't and am fortunate enuf not to have been involved in one on a bike.  Bob & I are just glad that everything turned out as well as it has for you two.  You'll be forever counting your blessings and thats a good thing
Be safe and take care till we see you guys again

[Oss]

True Carl, very true

Do you remember being behind me on a poker run and we talked about getting back in the saddle and the fact that fear is not all bad.  I discussed my unwillingness to ride beyond what I can see and let others and yourself pass me by as the road dippped and rose blindly on that perfect day

There may be days that you dont ride but you had planned to

That is ok

You enjoy riding, thinking about the ride, your last ride, your next ride, riding alongside Lori and have
conquered your fears.

They do not own you but the memories shall remain a part of you

Safe winds my friend   Bob  I will sign on for that deal if its open to more than just Willow

[VALKIFIED]

Wow, the way that bike's pushed in, glad your able to climb back on.

[Karen]

Carl, back in the early 70's, a motorcycle accident happened directly behind me while I was driving a car.  I was very surprised to find that the next time I got on my bike (BMW R26), I didn't enjoy it at all. I tried several times, but I was so aware of the hostile massive cars around me that it was not fun anymore. Figured I'd had 10 years of great experiences, including riding a 50cc scooter from Ft McClellan AL to Detroit, trying to ride it back the next year & ending up with a ruptured appendix in Harrisburg PA, shipping it up to Alaska & riding from Anchorage to Palmer, so I sold it, and did other things. Wasn't till the early 90's that I saw a 74 CB750K4 for sale for $300 and I bit. Took a couple of years to be able to feel comfortable on the highway, but that's comfortable with the awareness that falling down a couple of stairs cracked a rib and it hurt like hell. What is getting off the bike going to feel like? I really respect the courage that it took for you to mount up again. Don't worry about the brake usage, you're just doing what you need to do to feel as safe as you can. Thanks for adding to my awareness while riding, that's a salute you're feeling.

[Smokinjoe-VRCCDS#0005]

I remember that day well....I was worried about you my friend getting the reports from Carolyn  and then Lori it did'nt look good     It was the same type crash that took Steve's ( Old Skool ) life and that's all I could think about. I remember seeing you pull up at GOTF on your bike in Texas ...That was one of the best parts of that ride....Ride On   




   

[Flat6Valk]

Willow  I admire your courage as well as all who have suffered through this type of circumstance.

Greg

[Bonzo]

You survived! And some how we are stronger. It has only been four months for me. I still have a pronounced limp and ache but I am riding again, no one will deny me that. I may flinch when a car leans out a bit to far, but that will pass also.
Your experience and recuperation is a powerful example, thank you.

[Willow]

Wow, the way that bike's pushed in, glad your able to climb back on.

40 mph.  No brake; no horn.  They totaled the Focus.    

The passenger in the cage suffered a broken elbow.  I went for an ariel spin. All the time I was lying on the asphalt I could hear the woman screaming in pain.

They also totaled the Valkyrie.  I bought her back.  In the words of my friend, Raymond, I took the saddle off her and rolled unother 99 Interstate under it.  It was a complete rebuild.

I have at least four family members who either stopped riding or gave up plans to start resulting from the event.  The thought crossed my mind more than once, but two days after the doctor let me out of the wheel chair I was in the wind.  I got a good chewing over that.    

God is good, but sometimes the world in which He's placed me leaves something yet to be sought.   I'm pleased and blessed to be where I am.

[Willow]

...I was worried about you my friend getting the ...     It was the same type crash that took Steve's ( Old Skool ) life and that's all I could think about. I remember seeing you pull up at GOTF on your bike in Texas ...That was one of the best parts of that ride....Ride On   

I thought about that, too, Joe.  First when I was lying on the asphalt and then over and over again during the following weeks.

I remember riding up to the GOTF 2009.  Seeing you was a great part of the ride for me also.  We both had flirted with the Reaper, hadn't we?

Keep it in the wind, Joe.  You and I know what it means to PttP.

[Black Pearl's Captain]

I think that guy with the fancy hat is saying "I told you not to let them shave your upper lip just because your ass was bare".

A good friend of mine once told me excessive comfort breeds weakness. Keep your ugly face in the wind Carl.

Raymond

[Willow]

I think that guy with the fancy hat is saying "I told you not to let them shave your upper lip just because your ass was bare".

LOL!  Yeah, he's always given pretty good advice.    

[Bigdog]

Good read and pics...Thanks for sharing. 
I say all the time that it's not a smart thing to straddle a bike and head down the road.  But it sure is the most peaceful feeling ever.  I thank God I'm still able to ride and feel the wind.....God is Great..!!!

[BigAl]

Glad you grew your mustache back.

Reminds me of a time when Dad shaved his beard off.

We all said grow it back please.

Glad you chose to keep riding.

I think about quiting often.

I did quit back in 1989, but thankfully started again.

It has been over 100,00 miles since I started back in 2004.

I hit a station wagon on the rear quarter panel in 1974.

She backed out in the raod.

I was doing about 50 and came to an immediate stop.

Body cast and broken or cracked pelvis, broken left leg.

Ripped up my right knee.

Amazingly she blamed it all on me. Even though she was breaking the local and state laws of backing out into the main road.

Oh and she did not see me.

Dad made me quit then, but at 18 was riding a dirt bike and then at 19 a street bike.

Again glad you are still riding, but most of all I am glad you are alive and able too.

[bigdog99]

T boned a '70 pontiac once with a small 750 doing the same speed. wrapped all up in the handle bars, the 15 year old girl took off. i still remember the eyes of the 14 year old passenger, big as saucers at impact.
best thing for me i was 20. p*ssed me off so bad, i rode it home and had to turn right only. wheel was wobbling, fender was rubbing, but i didnt have a truck, what do you do. sat for 5 hours crying at the site of it in the garage before a realized my right shin hurt like heck. hairline fracture and some gravel in the palms of my hands where she threw me down after taking off. young bones!! i still ride slower than most, i leave more distance than most, but i ride one of the baddest bikes ever made. i still play, but usually no one around.
you have to RIDE ON like Joe said. there are still several of us that want to meet you. IZ 12 is the plan

[Fudd]

I was sitting at my desk when you first posted this topic today.  I have read through it basically everytime a new reply came in.

Looking at the pictures and reading the comments, I have reverently reflected on my relationship with motorcycles and life in general, all day.  I can relate only in my "close calls," but having never been through a wreck like you did, an over-active imagination of "what it's like" is all I have to compare.

I can't see how you wouldn't have frightful moments, having had your experence.  I picture in my mind often what would happen if someone turned in front of me.  I find myself looking for an out, and sometimes there isn't one.  I know it would hurt and I know I don't heal as fast as I used to.

If the aftermath of your wreck is that you drive slower, that's OK.  If you brake too often, so what.  If you're more cautious,  It may save your life.

My friend hates to ride solo.  He thinks everybody's out to hit him.  But, he rides with confidence in packs.  Something to do with safety in numbers.  Just be careful and alert.  You can always take the cage on days when things aren't perfect.

[R J]

Hey Gunny, you will NEVER get rid of that thought.

I crashed in So San Francisco one nice evening in August.  Spent a good sum of time in Oak Knoll Military Hospital, got released and there was no firkin way I wanted on another bike.    Dudley Perkins of Dudley Perkins Harley Davidson, came over to the hospital to pick me up on a bike.   He told me to get on a ride it back to San Fran, told him no way, I'd walk and or hitch hike back to the Base.  After about 10 blocks, I got super pooped, gave in and rode the bike back wiith Dudley riding Bitch.

I rode CHP bikes for many years, I've ridden bikes even after I retired, but it is finally my health that has caused me to quit.

Before I quit riding, I still had those fears 60 years later.

Ride safe and enjoy, it will live wit ya till the end.

[clintsdivco]

Friday will be one year ago since my accident with the deer that nearly did me in.  It was only 4 months before that, that the guy fell asleep in his cage while passing me on the freeway in southern California.  I still have some physical problems but am slowly getting better.  If I were 10 years younger I'd probably have already been back on a bike, but the healing goes a lot slower at 65.  Was lucky to survive 2 bike wrecks in 4 months, not sure how lucky I'd be next time.

Clint

[shortleg]

  When you hear the word BRAVE. To me it means
being afraid but going ahead anyway!
         Love Ya Willow, hang with it.
        Shortleg[Dave]

[Jabba]

I have been down a couple times.  Never with any serious injury.

Everyone should ride like one of the above posters says... do NOT ride next to a cage.  No NOT ride next to a semi.  Always have an outside lane it at ALL possible.  (Grass is a HELL of a lot softer than the asphalt... I learned that in one of my go downs...)

ALWAYS be looking for an escape route.

Always be trying to make the most dangerous cage in your AO awareof your presence.  Always pick your lane position to make you the most visible to the most dangerous cages. 

Almost always ride in the cage wheel track, and NOT in the center of the lane.

Ride like this for a few 10's of 1000's of miles, and it'll become second nature.

Carl... I am glad you are still kickin' it.  The world would be a lesser place without you in it. 

Jabba

[Jabba]

  When you hear the word BRAVE. To me it means
being afraid but going ahead anyway!
         Love Ya Willow, hang with it.
        Shortleg[Dave]

Brave men are defined not by the fear that they feel, but rather how they react to, and overcome that fear. 

Many people ask me how I can continue to ride when I have a 4 year old son.  I always answer one of a couple ways.

1.  I am not willing to NOT live, because I am afraid to die.
2.  I am a LOT better Daddy than I would be without Valkyrie therapy.
3.  There is 1 death in 2.4 million vehicle miles traveled in motorcycles.  If you take out the people killed in the 1st 10000 miles of their career, I would be willing to bet that the number changes to 1 death in 7 or 8 Million vehicle miles traveled.

We all do what we do for different reasons.  BlackDog describes Valk time as "Brain Floss".  That's as accurate as a description for what it does for me as ANY I have ever heard.

Jabba

[solo1]

We're all glad that you're still with us and riding again.  I can only imagine what you and others on this forum have gone through.

I, too, am uneasy and afraid (some days more so) but being  in the wind still trumps the fear.

Although I've never had an encounter with another vehicle it is my age now that's bringing on the apprehension.

Luckily, since I don't take any long trips anymore, I can pick and choose where I want to ride.  I try to ride where my comfort zone is, well , comfortable..  Maybe I'm missing something now but but the riding experience is still there for me even on short rides and our straight as a stick roads that we have here.

[rmrc51]

Although I've never had an encounter with another vehicle it is my age now that's bringing on the apprehension.
 

This is my fear as well. I don't trust my abilities like I use to. That's why I went to a Trike. And even with the Trike,, I still remain fearful at times.

I think the time is approaching that the Trike will be for sale and my riding days behind me. 

[Valk6 (diaz)]

Willow,
Thank you for your willingness to share your experience with us, your courage and strength is an inspiration to me.

I also want to say thanks to all who have responded, seeing the encouragement and support you all give, gives me a sense of comfort and pride to know I'm part of this community.

Best Regards,
  ~Chris

[hubcapsc]

I've also retained much longer than I'd expected an underlying fear of falling down.

Everything in your mirrors must seem like it is falling down... 



I got to play chicken with a Harley last month (he passed me on my right side, I was in
my lane)... it is crazy out there...

-Mike

[Disco]

Thanks for sharing your reflections, Carl.  I'm at 23 months post-incident, and think about it often.  I try not to think about the details of the first minute or so as it still terrifies me, or dwell on any of it for too long, but a quick look-back from time to time helps me keep many things in a perspective I didn't have before.  It has affected my behavior both on and off the bike.

[Hef]

Willow, All of us who have had a bad one have gone through the exact same feelings you have. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Mine was with a deer that broadsided me while I'm running 60 mph down a highway. Leaped off a hill out of the brush and landed in the left side of my bike. I don't remember much about the incident itself but the recovery was a long and painful one. Said I was giving up riding, bought a small convertible and thought that would suffice for the open, wind in the face desire I had inborn in me. Wrong! It just wasn't the same but I came so close to death I felt for my family's sake I had to make the convertible work for me. Then, my wife being the loving, understanding woman she was said to me "Why don't you get you another bike and do what you really want." I took her up on it and 21 years later I am still riding......but I do still ride scared sometimes. It's odd because there are times when I don't even think about it and then others when I am very much aware of the danger involved. But, life itself is uncertain and my motto is with Jabba's statement that I refuse to let the fear of death rob me of enjoying life. Ride on and ride safe. Hef

[The Anvil]

Willow, you should change your name to Hard2Kill. 

I kno wwhat you mean about being gunshy. I was far more fortunate than you were in terms injury (none) but I'm still more alert than I was before that cager nerfed me off.

[Bobbo]

A friend told me long ago that fear and managing it properly is what keeps you alive.  Once you lose all fear, that is the day you die.

[old2soon]

Willow-thanks for sharing that experience. Been down a couple times-nothing real serious-and no encounters with a cage. I still love to ride and have never lost the respect or fear of what may be out there. I've also been around long enough to understand it could/might/maybe/possibly happen the next time out. Like you and Jabba and others-i REFUSE to let that fear keep me from the mind floss. All the years ridin and that has got to be the best description i've heard in awhile. Looking forward to meeting you at Inz-12. Maybe as riders we do have a screw loose. But if that is the case(loose screw)i don't want anybody trying to fix it. I happen to like the loose screw. RIDE SAFE Bro.

[Dubsvalk]

It is alright to let fear temper your judgement; usually, better decisions are made because of it.  And you did the right thing; you didn't allow it to rule your life!  You have too many years of riding in front of you!
Dubs

[BonS]

I ride with 25% fear and 75% pleasure. I honestly believe that that is what has kept me alive over the past 46+ years of playing in traffic.

[Jack]

+1, Carl.  It has been 4 yrs since my being run over and I have anxiety every time I see a car at an intersection and every time I have to stop at one.  I have convinced myself that it will be OK if I am killed riding my valk but I don't want to be totally disabled in an accident.  My wife, Anita, has stopped riding altogether and she so enjoyed her VTX.  Kinda feel guilty about that.  I ride maybe 4000 miles/yr now which is less than a third of what I use to ride.  At least, my Valk won't be worn out any time soon.

btw, love the shorts!

[PhredValk]

I won't even pretend to imagine what you have been through, all of you who have limped away from the Bad Ones and got back on. I hope I never do.

I think that handling fear is what makes a better rider. I only started riding 5 years ago, and have recently noticed that I now ride through sweepers, one handed and faster, that had me terrified and white knuckled when I first rode them. Riding in the rain is much easier than it used to be, because I was willing to feel the fear the first time and do it anyway. It's how I've learned to ride the way I do. Being constantly aware of the cages around us, nearing intersections, watching road conditions and such brings confidence, but is rooted in a healthy controlled fear.

I would like to think that someday I can ride the twisties throwing sparks, but that will only happen by pushing the bike farther and faster than I can now; and that means being scared half to death but doing it anyway, using that fear to make me more careful and focussed.

Anyone that rides without an occasional touch of fear in the back of their mind is an idiot.
Fred.