Perspective

[ArmyValker]

Well, I guess I'm sharing this on here because I don't know many folks, much less any that would appreciate the story... You guys seem to have a good deal of perspective on life, death and all in between. More than anything, I feel like I should say something, to someone, somewhere.

Anyway, my neighbor died this morning. She was 84 years old, a holocaust survivor, a mother, grandmother and all around tough lady. She took care of her husband (a WW2, Korea and Vietnam vet) who has suffered cancer and all the other benefits of Agent Orange for the last 40 years. I knew this time was coming, and I often marveled at her (and her husbands) ability to live on through the illnesses, the injuries, the long recoveries with no hope in sight...

Finally she's gone to rest somewhere else, and I can't say that I didn't breathe a sigh of relief this morning.  I don't know what's after this (for her husband), and it's always been a personal struggle for me to think about, but whatever it is, I can say that it's gotta be better than what her last few years were like.

He'll not leave home, and I hope he decides to keep on like he has been and live a few more years, but I wouldn't fault him a bit if he decides he'd rather go with her. I truly believe they've only been alive this long because they both felt obligated to care for one another.

Not really sure what you say to a man who's just lost his wife of 55 years. I'm sure he's got a much better handle on it than I do.

[Jack]

My grandfather lost my grandmother after being married over 50 yrs.  The old man surprised us when he started dating old widow women from his church.  He remarried and lived to 96.  btw, he and she broke down the wedding bed on their "honeymoon".  Both were large folk and my dad teased him until the day he died.

[RainMaker]

When you're married that long, it's really difficult for the surviving spouse to go on.  It's like a big part of them has been ripped out and died as well.  Women seem to handle it better than men do, but my father in law is 91 and widowed for 11 years and keeps on going despite missing my mother-in-law each and every day.  He doesn't remember the bad years - only the good ones.

What can you do?  Let him know you are there, that you also cared for his wife and will also miss her.  Check up on him a lot if you can because the first 6 months seems to be the time when men will just give up after their wife dies.  We kept George interested in other things, got him to come over for dinner, got the grandkids more involved with Grandpa - anything to keep his will to live alive.

You're a good guy to care.

[bigguy]

He's lucky to have you as a neighbor. My only advise is to stay in contact and let him know he's not alone in the world. If he's truly ready to go be with his wife, don't begrudge him that. Just give him options if you can.

[old2soon]

Whatever you do do not give up on him. Judging by your post i don't think you will. You can still be a good neighbor and a friend even though his wife has gone to her reward. I'll say a prayer for the both of you. Be an anchor for him in his time of need. Good luck and may GOD BLESS.

[Oss]

They are and were lucky to have you as their friend

Sorry for his and your loss

[RoadKill]

Dont tell him anything....just listen if he'll talk,be a friend like always and avoid showing pity.

Just my 2c

[da prez]

I never tell anyone I know how the feel. (Twins  have different feelings) I will tell them I am sorry for their loss. Instead of just offering to do something, (call me if you need anything) ask them out for coffee, a fish fry etc. Most people do not ask . Do not be a pest. Yes , do listen . Sometimes silence says more than words. If they need a hug, then hug him. Our family always hugged, men and women. I will  hug my brother any chance I get.

                                                             da prez

[Hef]

I tend to have a very compassionate side for those older than me and when one of my dear elderly friends wife passed after 61 years of marriage, he went into a deep depression, wouldn't hardly eat and wouldn't go out of the house much. I got a group of guys from our church together and we set up a schedule so that one of us would go by the house and urge (almost force) him to go have a meal with us and visit a while at least a couple times a week. At first he was very reluctant but shortly began to look forward to it. His daughter who lived several hundred miles away called me and said he would call her and and she could hear a definite difference in his mood and attitude. He lived another 11 years and shortly before he died he told me that we would never know what our kindness meant to him and he appreciated it greatly. The best thing you can give is your time. Really don't have to say much, older people love to talk as a rule. Stories are sometimes boring and you may hear them several times over but it means a great deal to them for you to care. Good luck.