Baptist Church Dinner . :)

[John Schmidt]

A group of friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet wanted to outdo all the others. She decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But mushrooms are expensive. She then told her husband, "No mushrooms. They are too high."

He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed."

She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poison."

He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them and they're OK." So Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.

Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol' Spot (the yard dog) a double handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite. All morning long, Janet watched Ol' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve. After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played '42' and dominoes. About then, the helper lady came in and whispered in Janet's ear.

She said, "Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot is dead."

Janet went into hysterics.

After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quickly as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.."

Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.

One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.

After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everything will be fine now," and he left. They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room and about this time the helper lady came in and whispered to Janet, "You know, that fellow that run over Ol' Spot never even stopped.

[3fan4life]

Now if I was a good Baptist I might take "Offense". 

But since I'm not............................... 

[John Schmidt]

Now if I was a good Baptist I might take "Offense". 

But since I'm not............................... 

The funny thing about church dinners is they can apply to about any denomination in existence. I've seen some hilarious things take place at those events. I'll never forget a situation that developed in a small NW Iowa farm town where my dad was the school superintendent back in the 40's. There were two churches in town, Lutheran and Presbyterian, with another Lutheran about three mile out of town for those that got up early enough(local joke). The Lutheran folk had their twice monthly church supper for a few years and was a great success, often attended by some of the Presbyterians...on the sly I assume. The Presbyterians decided it was such a good deal and a bit of a money-maker so decided to start having a church supper as well. They made one big mistake....they announced they would have it on one of the same nights as the Lutherans. This feud went on for a couple months with no big problem until the Lutherans found out some of their folk were going to the Presbyterian supper on the night the Lutherans were having their supper. I guess the food was better or the Presbyterians were better cooks.  The uproar that followed became the community joke, especially for us Nazarenes and Free Methodists.    We, along with all the Catholics, drove a few miles over to a nearby town to attend. The pastor of the Lutheran church had two boys that were good buddies of mine in grade school and I spent a lot of time at their place. One day I heard the pastor on the phone with the Presbyterian pastor, discussing their big problem of conflicting church supper nights. So, my buddies and I told him they should arrange to have the suppers on alternate weekends and if a month had a fifth weekend, make it a joint supper. Thus, the big church supper fracas came to a quiet end, only to be replaced by a small carnival sponsored by the other Lutheran church that was 2-3 miles out of town. The in-town folk thought this a great idea.....and away we go again. 

[John Schmidt]

3Fan, we visit my sis-in-law in Roanoke once in awhile so I looked up where Moneta is. That looks like a neat ride over from Roanoke, only about 30 miles.

[3fan4life]

3Fan, we visit my sis-in-law in Roanoke once in awhile so I looked up where Moneta is. That looks like a neat ride over from Roanoke, only about 30 miles.

There are alot of good roads to ride around here, bring your Valk with you on one of those trips and I'll be glad to show you some of them.