A Tuesday morning chuckle.

[John Schmidt]

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new Doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.
 
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL Pills?
 
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
 
“Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that that could possibly help you sleep!"
 
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee...."Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old Granddaughter drinks. and believe me, it definitely helps me sleep at night."
 
You gotta Love Grandmas!!!!
 
===========================================
 
THE NICE MAN BECAME IMPATIENT
 
A man was riding on a full bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
 
Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here."
 
A few minutes later, the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”
==========================================
 
BIOLOGY EXAM:
 
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.  The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
 
One student, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
 
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
 
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
 
3) It is always the right temperature.
 
4) It is inexpensive.
 
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
 
6) It is always available as needed.
 
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
 
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
 
He got an A.
================================================
 
WISE ITALIAN GRANDFATHER 
 
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
 
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
 
"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "
 
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' “?
==========================================
 
A RIDE IN THE TAXI
 
A woman and her twelve-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
 
"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"
 
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.
 
The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the Truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
 
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"
 
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes".
 
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"
 
She said" "Most of them become taxi drivers."

[Jess from VA]

"Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”

   

[flsix]

All of them have brightened my day.    Thanks John.

[OnaWingandaPrayer]

Thanks for the chuckles .

[Bert AKA,Valkaholic]

Thanks  John,Reading These Just Brightened My Day.


Here's One I'll Share With Ya'!

                           
                                 "The Finals Of The National Poetry Contest"
This Year The Contest Came Down To Two Finalists. One Was A Duke University Law School Graduate From An Upper-Crust Family; Well-Bred,Well-Connected,And All That Goes With It. The Other Finalist Was A Red-Neck From Southeast Alabama's A&M University.

The Rules Of The Contest Require Each Finalist To Compose A Four-Line Poem In One Minute Or Less, And The Poem Had To Contain The Word "Timbuktu".

The Duke Graduate Went First. About Thirty Seconds After The Clock Started He Jumped Up And Recited The Following Poem;

    Slowly Across The Desert Sand
    Trekked The Dusty Caravan.
    Men On Camels Two By Two
    Destination ,"Timbuktu" .

 The Audience Went Wild !!! How, They Wondered ,Could The Redneck Top That ?
The Clock Started Again And The Redneck Sat In Silent Thought. Finally, In The Last Few Seconds ,He Jumped Up And Recited:

     Tim And Me,A-Huntin' We Went,
     Met Three Whores In A Pop-Up-Tent.
     They Was Three,We Was Two.
     So I Bucked One, And "Timbuktu".

     
     

[FloridaValkRyder]

Good stuff!! 

[Jess from VA]

Everyone's heard a few irreverent dinnertime prayers.

Heard this one yesterday:

Lord.... please bless these sinners while they eat their dinners. 

[OLDFRT]

Good Bread
Good Meat
Good God
Lets Eat!

[reclaimerroger]

Rub-a-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub Yea God.

[John Schmidt]

When my girls were little they always wanted their grandma to say grace before a meal. Dad was a firm believer in not missing a chance to let it all out and the girls really got antzy. You could hear a groan each time he started to pray because they knew they were going to be there for a while.    My mom was always short and sweet and the girls loved that. More than once I'd catch one sneaking a piece of something to eat while dad was covering every possible subject of prayer before a meal. I never stopped them and my mother always would giggle over it. Don't know if dad ever caught on.