hospice care

[cookiedough]

well,  drs. and social workers, etc. thinks it is time to consider mom for hospice care.  She has been in the hospital (ER) now 2x's past 2 months for stomach issues (vomiting), kidney stones, constipation, open skin wounds (fault of assisted living not applying lotion and cleaning her good enough down there), along with 1 surgery July 1st to remove kidney stones on left side.  Right side kidney stones want 2nd surgery Sept. 2nd since surgeon said over 2 hours surgery (if zapped both side kidney stones in 1 longer surgery) with pretty bad altheizmers can make it worse affecting mind, etc.

sounds like if 2 drs. approve hospice condition,  medicare pays all for it with review again if she lives past 6 months, which IMO she might say 9 months up to tops 2 more years.  Mom really has no mind left and would not care if she goes elsewhere vs. assisted living home she at now.  Also, constant UTI infections read up besides lack of depend changes and not cleaning area up well enough, can be a sign of hospice care needed soon. 

Am upset at assisted living for the open skin wounds down there NOT applying lotion nor changing depends soon enough after she goes poddy or not even acknowledging the open skin wounds/rash down there.  3rd time in less than 3 months being WARNED having to go to ER over it few days ago might be my last straw at that place.

Social worker suggested going elsewhere to live like skilled nursing facility but private pay is 10K per month vs. now 4K for assisted living place.  If this current assisted living place cleans mom up EVERY depend change and applies lotion doing their job,   I think current place is fine.  Talked to owner and mgr. and 2 workers of the small 8 unit place, and will see how it goes mom released next few days back there.  One thing is for sure and another trip to ER for the skin issues down below and will NOT go back to that assisted living home. 

[Valker]

I couldn’t afford the assisted living facility when they put my wife on hospice. We had to do it at home. I could hire some local girls to come take care of my wife for about $15 per hour. I had them come between eight and 10 hours every day. They took really good care of her here. She only lasted about a month in hospice. One thing that helped on the cleanup, was that the girls who came to help used shaving cream when they cleaned her up. That kept her much cleaner, and did a better job than just the wipes they used.

[f6john]

These are challenges I haven’t had to face yet. God bless everyone who has to love and support their family member during such difficult. And God bless those in similar situations who have no family support.

[Serk]

I'm sure you know this, but with hospice it's a different philosophy of care. In theory for general care the goal is to get the patient better, even if it hurts them to do so.
With hospice, it's once you've come to the point of understanding that there is no longer a "getting better" scenario, so stop any care that would hurt them in hopes of healing them. Instead, keep them comfortable for their last days physically amongst us.....

A difficult choice to make, a difficult mindset to get in to, when it comes time for me to make that choice for my parents (And for my kids to make that call for me) I hope I have the wisdom to make the right call.

I don't know what that call is in your situation, I'm sure you'll make the right one though.

[Oss]

When I was young if you told me what we have to do for our spouses and parents I would not believe it

Valker you did right by Kim so sorry for your loss

Cookie I do not have an answer, but making sure mom is comfortable and not in pain is job 1 IMHO

Prayers up from here for you all

My mom is on the downhill mind slide and I am seeing the next steps

[Jersey mike]

Hospice care for my father-in-law was terrific. Amazing people doing amazing work. It’s a sad day when you come to the conclusion that it’s that time but there’s also a relief they will keep your loved one cared for and comfortable…right to the very end.

We’ve had a few experiences with hospice and have never been disappointed.

Wish you all the best.

[cookiedough]

I'm sure you know this, but with hospice it's a different philosophy of care. In theory for general care the goal is to get the patient better, even if it hurts them to do so.
With hospice, it's once you've come to the point of understanding that there is no longer a "getting better" scenario, so stop any care that would hurt them in hopes of healing them. Instead, keep them comfortable for their last days physically amongst us.....

A difficult choice to make, a difficult mindset to get in to, when it comes time for me to make that choice for my parents (And for my kids to make that call for me) I hope I have the wisdom to make the right call.

I don't know what that call is in your situation, I'm sure you'll make the right one though.

Serk very wise words indeed, thanks.  I had a talk with her Dr. today she called me and said sorta the same thing.  My issue with hospice now, as you say, is with hospice if she what I say needed another surgery for say kidney stones, etc. and feel she could recover from surgery,  hospice will NOT do the surgery then and instead just give her meds to subdue the pain.    I am not a fan of that at all.  I feel she is not 6 months from passing in her state now but her primary Dr. today said she would approve it.  

I am now leaning, for a few months starting soon,  see if her Medicare will cover (with Dr approval) a nurse going into the assisted living home 2-4x's per week and providing more care in terms of skin rashes/depends/poddy/movement/socialization.  I do not have much faith in the retired old guy nurse there 3x's per week doing much at all with my mom as he should.    If Medicare will pay for it,  want to go that route BEFORE hospice.  IMO, she could go 1-2 more years as she is now since besides her mind going and lack of movement,  she just needs help with the basics poddy, dressing, eating, showering/cleaning up bed sores with lotion.

The 2 skilled nursing facilities with or without hospice and insurance is not to my liking either.  Called 2 places nearby 9500 and 10750 per month, more than double the cost of assisted living facility.  Yah, is NOT about the money (or soon lack thereof), but if the assisted living facility can do THEIR JOB and clean her better down there with more depend changes with lotion to NOT get skin wounds pretty severe,  I think will be fine there. 

Read up on UTI infections as well and although they maybe caused by lack of proper cleaning/care/changing dependsd, it is also a sign of hospice care needed end of life.  Mom has had several UTI's in past 5 months.   She is also sleeping more so past few months during the day have noticed so maybe will be 6 months, but hoping for 1-2 years tops. 

[Valkorado]

Such a tough decision Cookie, and none is necessarily "correct" in this situation.  Talk it over with your wife and siblings (?).  I feel for you and my heart goes out to you.  When making your decision remember to consider the everyday quality of your mom's life, and not just its duration.  Whatever choice you make, it's clear that it will be made with a son's love and best intentions.

[baldo]

This experience will come to most of us at one time or another. My Mom came to my home in her last month or so. Hospice was there for the last two weeks and did an excellent job. We helped as much as they'd let us. I'm fairly certain Mom was comfortable and at peace when her time came. Coming up on 25 years now.

[cookiedough]

Such a tough decision Cookie, and none is necessarily "correct" in this situation.  Talk it over with your wife and siblings (?).  I feel for you and my heart goes out to you.  When making your decision remember to consider the everyday quality of your mom's life, and not just its duration.  Whatever choice you make, it's clear that it will be made with a son's love and best intentions.

yah, quality vs. duration.   IMO her quality of life is not good at all not knowing her surroundings, but seems happy overall giggling like a 2 year old would if spoken to her even though she does not understand what anyone is saying to her.    I think everyone would like to see their parents live longer, but with altzheimers not knowing anyone or unable to speak your thoughts on pain level to understand what is wrong and where, etc., is a tough one.    The day of her 1st kidney stone surgery July 1st was a rough one prior to surgery.  I was there to see 3 nurses poking mom with needles trying to find a vein for 1 hour and she was fighting them tooth and nail telling the nurses to STOP, it hurts.  Plus,  I was in the room with mom asking me to STOP the pain, it hurts grabbing her left side where the kidney stones were causing her discomfort.  I think surgery was a blessing and right timing since if waited a day longer no surgery to zap kidney stones would have been much more painful for her.

[Jersey mike]

Reading your post about mom is heartbreaking. Thankfully we had a different scenario with Barbara’s dad regarding his overall physical health. His only real ailment was severe heart disease. The heart surgeon insisted he be allowed to perform surgery but when it was revealed it would not improve anything related to his Alzheimer’s but would mean he’d need to be in rehab until healed she declined the surgery. Dad was not good with a band aid let alone any type of surgical dressing. There was a time he fell and ripped the skin on his arm which we needed to bandage, within an hour he was tugging, pulling on the dressing and repeatedly asking why it was on him even though blood was slightly visible. He had no recollection of falling or us applying the bandage. At night he would unravel the bandage and bleed everywhere, even when we took an old sock, cut the toe out and use it for protection.

Kidney stones are a tough issue, I’ve had them and I could just imagine how it would feel seeing mom experiencing such pain. Trying to balance out care for your mom will seem unending but it come down to “how will this next procedure affect her overall health”, the last thing she needs to endure is repetitive procedures, plus if there’s deep anesthesia (even twilight from what we were told) involved it can make matters worse with the Alzheimer’s.

Keep her comfortable. Spend as much time as possible with her. When there attend to some basic needs and if not up to your level of expectations address it with supervisor. When we finally got dad into a home, Barbara would visit and see to it he was being well taken care of and address concerns asap which were taken care of. Bed sores and hygiene are no laughing matter and maintaining a level of dignity for mom along with care is quite a fine line but the last thing she needs is a UTI and kidney stone issues.

If there’s special soaps or creams or lotions which are recommended, by all means buy them in quantity once they show to help.

I wish you and your mom all the best.

[Disco]

For anyone or any family facing this decision, I highly recommend looking for the nearest chapter of the Visiting Nurse Association (VNA).  Thankfully, I've only had to go through this once, but I've never dealt with a more kind and professional organization. 

[0leman]

Cookie:  When my Mom started going downhill, we were able to do two things for her.   I up the level of care in the assisted living place to their highest level (thankfully my had a see that she would have adequate funds to this type of help).  The second was to have her visit our family Doc (only the second time in last 20 years she had seen a doc).  He prescribe hospice care.   Only need one doc here in OR.

The hospice folks came nearly every day to see her.   Also had their own Doc who came. They cared for her nearly a month before she went home the Lord.  The hospice Doc was the one that sign the death certificate.   All this care was covered by SS.

I do recommend the hospice.  Hopefully those in your area will/can provide the same help as ours did.

[cookiedough]

I think I will consider hospice AFTER her Sept. 2nd surgery for 2nd set of kidney stones.  Her Dr. said if we go visit her soon after the surgery in a Drs. appt.,  that she will do a Home Health nurse order to come in say 2-4 days per week to check up on mom at the assisted living home, without hospice prescribed yet but should consider it I think before 2022 is up.  Medicare should cover it I think with just Home Health care nurse without hospice involved yet.    I just do not have much faith in the 1 person working small 8 unit assisted living home to care for mom's skin and rash issues causing open skin wounds and changing her depends enough, etc.   I guess 4K per month which is relatively cheap for an asst. living home in our area, is not enough to feed, toiletry, washing/dressing, mom???? 

[cookiedough]

well, met with local Hospice care yesterday and signed her up to come in and check up on mom.  Past few months she has been sleeping near all day long.  4x's over there recently she is either still sleeping until noon in bed NOT wanting to get up.  Or, she is sitting in her wheelchair and wake her up and while talking to her she closes her eyes every few minutes. 

some days better than others eating/drinking, but more often than not she just wants to close her eyes like 80-90 percent of the time all day/night. 

[scooperhsd]

These are challenges I haven’t had to face yet. God bless everyone who has to love and support their family member during such difficult. And God bless those in similar situations who have no family support.

Ditto !!!

[Jersey mike]

well, met with local Hospice care yesterday and signed her up to come in and check up on mom.  Past few months she has been sleeping near all day long.  4x's over there recently she is either still sleeping until noon in bed NOT wanting to get up.  Or, she is sitting in her wheelchair and wake her up and while talking to her she closes her eyes every few minutes. 

some days better than others eating/drinking, but more often than not she just wants to close her eyes like 80-90 percent of the time all day/night. 

I know and understand your situation, it’s not an easy journey. Spend what time you’re able and have faith in the hospice nurses.

[carolinarider09]

I know and understand your situation, it’s not an easy journey. Spend what time you’re able and have faith in the hospice nurses.

 

[0leman]

Our experinece with Hospice Care was very good.   They really helped out a lot.

We did see my Mom going downhill, it was hard to take.   But her body was slowly shutting down. 

Cookie, spend time with your Mom while you can. 

[Jersey mike]

Our experinece with Hospice Care was very good.   They really helped out a lot.

We did see my Mom going downhill, it was hard to take.   But her body was slowly shutting down. 

Cookie, spend time with your Mom while you can. 

 Yes on all of the above.

[cookiedough]

so far so good.  the staff at hospice been in 2x's already and making suggestions on bedding/wheelchair, etc. that will help mom be more comfy.  Plus,  all paid for by medicare along with DEPENDS covered,   been paying for about 5 years now monthly 45 bucks for a huge pack of them, not cheap on that alone.   

Glad Hospice asked me to check Friday on mom's adjustable hospital bed that goes up/down etc. not working they said.   I guess the Medicare paid for bed got for mom 4+ years ago the mechanism to raiser/lower the head/legs and go up/down no longer works.  So, makes me wonder why in the world the assisted living place did not tell me and how long her adjustable hospital bed has not been working?  Sorta irks me that asst. living not notice that and let me know took hospice care to come in and tell me that already.   

Like said, cannot hurt to have more eyes on mom since asst. living places sometimes do not do their job very well.

[Jersey mike]

so far so good.  the staff at hospice been in 2x's already and making suggestions on bedding/wheelchair, etc. that will help mom be more comfy.  Plus,  all paid for by medicare along with DEPENDS covered,   been paying for about 5 years now monthly 45 bucks for a huge pack of them, not cheap on that alone.   

Glad Hospice asked me to check Friday on mom's adjustable hospital bed that goes up/down etc. not working they said.   I guess the Medicare paid for bed got for mom 4+ years ago the mechanism to raiser/lower the head/legs and go up/down no longer works.  So, makes me wonder why in the world the assisted living place did not tell me and how long her adjustable hospital bed has not been working?  Sorta irks me that asst. living not notice that and let me know took hospice care to come in and tell me that already.   

Like said, cannot hurt to have more eyes on mom since asst. living places sometimes do not do their job very well.

Discuss all your issues regarding the bed as well as any other facility issues with the patient advocate or the management. Hospice is there for the care of mom only but they can also act as an advocate on the patient’s behalf. Don’t be a nuisance but do address your concerns asap especially if you are onsite. Do be sure to visit during “normal business” hours when they are fully staffed when management and supervisor should be onsite as well.

As far as mom’s necessities such as Depends, there are other brands which are just as good, less expensive and more comfortable but I can’t remember the name, I think they came in white with orange lettering. Also, if mom liked a certain bath soap and other toiletries such as wet wipes you can bring those as well except the cost will be out of pocket.

We used to ne able to bring certain snacks for Barbara’s dad, not too many and not too often but they were permitted.

Best of wishes for you guys.

[cookiedough]

well,  things took turn for worse Friday got call from Hospice nurse and mom no longer waking up.  Took afternoon off to see mom and 4 hrs. there no response.  Got call again Friday night 10 p.m. mom's breathing shallowed and slow, but got over there 10:30 p.m. past midnight, she perked up a smidge (movement at least a tad) is all so fed her applesauce and got her crushed meds in her.  This morning, getting worse pulse rate and oxygen down so no longer feeding her at this moment (she threw up), took mom off all her pills, and in no pain but only a matter of a day or few weeks tops. 

Hospice ordered pain meds just in case she needs them soon but pretty sure only a matter of days, if that.  Called a few of her younger brothers/sisters and all 4 came same time today to see mom.  That was tiring in itself, and am tired, and wish NO ONE seeing this type of slow progression over the 10-15 years of her alzheimers disease, especially this past 48 hours so far, which I know will just be worse to see the next few days.  Man, it is tough on anyone to see a family member be in this type of condition even though I knew it was coming soon.  I would rather pass quickly ASAP than to slowly progress the past 4  to 5 years of not knowing much mental wise and be at mom's current point.  My older brother cannot stomach long seeing mom like this so he would rather not show up just that one time Friday afternoon.   

Let 2022 be over with already.  Between my 4 days in hospital diverticulitis which I guess lucky having no major colon rupture not needing emergency surgery (me stubborn-bull headed told wife I will be fine but gave into my 1st ambulance ride after 30 minutes of shaking, etc. where drs. said if let go and colon rupture not come in coulda been fatal) , wife's emergency appendix surgery 1 month after that,  mom's disease with 2 kidney stone surgeries back to back and several ER visits, and one kids hernia surgery and 4 wisdom teeth pulled, worst year of my life by far, both mentally/emotionally and physically.   Just wish I coulda lost 30lbs. mid-year to get both hips replaced still in 2022 since by far exceeded our out of pocket maximum this year using insurance. 

Monday, meeting with a local funeral place to get stuff in order. 

[Jersey mike]

well,  things took turn for worse Friday got call from Hospice nurse and mom no longer waking up.  Took afternoon off to see mom and 4 hrs. there no response.  Got call again Friday night 10 p.m. mom's breathing shallowed and slow, but got over there 10:30 p.m. past midnight, she perked up a smidge (movement at least a tad) is all so fed her applesauce and got her crushed meds in her.  This morning, getting worse pulse rate and oxygen down so no longer feeding her at this moment (she threw up), took mom off all her pills, and in no pain but only a matter of a day or few weeks tops. 

Hospice ordered pain meds just in case she needs them soon but pretty sure only a matter of days, if that.  Called a few of her younger brothers/sisters and all 4 came same time today to see mom.  That was tiring in itself, and am tired, and wish NO ONE seeing this type of slow progression over the 10-15 years of her alzheimers disease, especially this past 48 hours so far, which I know will just be worse to see the next few days.  Man, it is tough on anyone to see a family member be in this type of condition even though I knew it was coming soon.  I would rather pass quickly ASAP than to slowly progress the past 4  to 5 years of not knowing much mental wise and be at mom's current point.  My older brother cannot stomach long seeing mom like this so he would rather not show up just that one time Friday afternoon.   

Let 2022 be over with already.  Between my 4 days in hospital diverticulitis which I guess lucky having no major colon rupture not needing emergency surgery (me stubborn-bull headed told wife I will be fine but gave into my 1st ambulance ride after 30 minutes of shaking, etc. where drs. said if let go and colon rupture not come in coulda been fatal) , wife's emergency appendix surgery 1 month after that,  mom's disease with 2 kidney stone surgeries back to back and several ER visits, and one kids hernia surgery and 4 wisdom teeth pulled, worst year of my life by far, both mentally/emotionally and physically.   Just wish I coulda lost 30lbs. mid-year to get both hips replaced still in 2022 since by far exceeded our out of pocket maximum this year using insurance. 

Monday, meeting with a local funeral place to get stuff in order. 

I’d spend as much time with mom as possible the next couple days even if you need to take time from work and if you’re not with mom don’t venture too far. Hold her hand. Kiss her cheek. Whisper in her ear and tell her everything you’ve ever wanted to, just keep letting her know you’re with her.

Hospice will ensure mom is comfortable.

Be well and keep it together.

[0leman]

Ditto on what Jersey said.   Take the time, if you can be with her. 

[scooperhsd]

Cookie - getting ready for the inevitable funeral is a smart thing to do. I'm sorry that you're losing her, but nobody lives forever. Ensure she is comfortable until the end comes (sounds like you have that covered), spend as much time with her as you can. If you need someone to talk to , talk with whoever you are comfortable with.

Best of thoughts headed your way..

[..]

well,  things took turn for worse Friday got call from Hospice nurse and mom no longer waking up.  Took afternoon off to see mom and 4 hrs. there no response.  Got call again Friday night 10 p.m. mom's breathing shallowed and slow, but got over there 10:30 p.m. past midnight, she perked up a smidge (movement at least a tad) is all so fed her applesauce and got her crushed meds in her.  This morning, getting worse pulse rate and oxygen down so no longer feeding her at this moment (she threw up), took mom off all her pills, and in no pain but only a matter of a day or few weeks tops. 

Hospice ordered pain meds just in case she needs them soon but pretty sure only a matter of days, if that.  Called a few of her younger brothers/sisters and all 4 came same time today to see mom.  That was tiring in itself, and am tired, and wish NO ONE seeing this type of slow progression over the 10-15 years of her alzheimers disease, especially this past 48 hours so far, which I know will just be worse to see the next few days.  Man, it is tough on anyone to see a family member be in this type of condition even though I knew it was coming soon.  I would rather pass quickly ASAP than to slowly progress the past 4  to 5 years of not knowing much mental wise and be at mom's current point.  My older brother cannot stomach long seeing mom like this so he would rather not show up just that one time Friday afternoon.   

Let 2022 be over with already.  Between my 4 days in hospital diverticulitis which I guess lucky having no major colon rupture not needing emergency surgery (me stubborn-bull headed told wife I will be fine but gave into my 1st ambulance ride after 30 minutes of shaking, etc. where drs. said if let go and colon rupture not come in coulda been fatal) , wife's emergency appendix surgery 1 month after that,  mom's disease with 2 kidney stone surgeries back to back and several ER visits, and one kids hernia surgery and 4 wisdom teeth pulled, worst year of my life by far, both mentally/emotionally and physically.   Just wish I coulda lost 30lbs. mid-year to get both hips replaced still in 2022 since by far exceeded our out of pocket maximum this year using insurance. 

Monday, meeting with a local funeral place to get stuff in order. 

I’d spend as much time with mom as possible the next couple days even if you need to take time from work and if you’re not with mom don’t venture too far. Hold her hand. Kiss her cheek. Whisper in her ear and tell her everything you’ve ever wanted to, just keep letting her know you’re with her.

Hospice will ensure mom is comfortable.

Be well and keep it together.

Said it well.

[Oss]

you are all in our thoughts and prayers

Sounds to me like you are a good son and that is something to be proud of in my book

[f6john]

God bless hospice care and the caregivers. A dear lady and friend entered hospice care this past Monday and was gone by Thursday morning. Her husband another close friend, got her to hang on till Christmas at home with him seeing to all her needs. She had cancer for over 2 years and Tom her husband has been battling cancer for a year and a half himself.

Prayers for your mother in her final days.

[cookiedough]

you are all in our thoughts and prayers

Sounds to me like you are a good son and that is something to be proud of in my book

thanks Oss and all others,  I tried, unlike my brother.  I am going to 'attempt' to HOLD it together this Saturday but me doing 95% of the arrangements, with wife's help, is exhausting taking all 4 days off work.  Only good thing me off work for 4 days.  He and his older kid are making WAY WAY too much obsession over the reception afterwards and planning that all out for what few friends of hers left that will show up and all 6 left of her younger siblings that have NEVER visited mom once the past 7+ years EVER.  He expects 80 to show up including family and NO way, more like 50 tops at the reception get together afterwards in local Legion building.    Attempting to 'show off' after the ceremony will not bring mom back and just want Saturday to be done with already.   One example which pissed me off was he never 'had time' to show up at funeral place to reiterate to me that HE wants one 'angel beneath the wings' song he liked playing at mom's funeral.  MOM was NOT into music and NOT about HIM.  Then, he texts me later and says are they going to play that song?  I was one second away on saying well if you EVER showed up for a god darn (other word) thing the past 10+ years you would NOT have to ask me 100x's on stupid _hit like that.  All about HIM and not doing anything hardly EVER. 

I am doing something that might piss him off not telling him will see what happens Saturday.  Me and the wife picked out flower arrangements at florist having to go there 2x's same day he had no time, yah right.   I told him colors and one on casket and one on easle to match, but decided to do what MOM would enjoy since favorite color is ORANGE and doing a special bouquet in vase on table of mostly orange and peach flowers and putting ONLY my families name on it, NOT his family or him.  Oh well, if he not like it see if I care one ounce. 

guess who is buying all the costly food and other arrangements, one guess?  Only thing I credit him doing is he and his kid is making mom's sugar cookie recipe for reception and taking out mom's hand written recipe in a frame beside the cookies as well, very good.   Plus, mom's potato salad recipe.  So, my mother in law is also doing something similar doing mom's taco salad recipe which my mother in law same age 80 enjoys and likes.   IMO is NOT about the reception afterwards at ALL more worried about that and 'appearance' to family members that mom has NOT seen in over 10 years or more most of them.  All were perfectly capable the past 10+ years to visit mom and NONE besides me made an effort monthly to see mom, someone had to. 

[POPS 57]

Kind of the same story here. My wife and i took total care of my mother and dad at the end of there life's. Only two years apart. After it was all over with it came down getting things split up. I had a list of all the money matters and how it was spent. I went so far as to include everything right down to what i spent on stamps. My brother was for the most part a no show the whole time. When we sat down to talk he said i should take more for all we did. That's when i got my payback and not how you would think. I looked at him and said it's going right down the middle. That's when i said we didn't do it for money.We did it because we wanted to.

[cookiedough]

Not only we 'wanted' to but had to.  NO ONE else would.  Been like this with Dad 14+ years ago, although at that time bro did do a tad bit more.  Just glad mom gave me POA for NO way her finances would be anything left since am sure her wife woulda spent it all by now.

[cookiedough]

Well, it is all done and over with.  Mom can now say hi to Dad and her favorite Aunt and her mom and dad.  I held it together as best as I could on Saturday, went as well as could be.

[..]

Well, it is all done and over with.  Mom can now say hi to Dad and her favorite Aunt and her mom and dad.  I held it together as best as I could on Saturday, went as well as could be.

 

[carolinarider09]

Well, it is all done and over with.  Mom can now say hi to Dad and her favorite Aunt and her mom and dad.  I held it together as best as I could on Saturday, went as well as could be.

 

[Serk]

May you find comfort.....

I know I'll be going through that myself likely in the next decade, maybe sooner, maybe later..... Hope I'm able to keep it together as well as you appear to have done.....

[0leman]

Cookie, I know what you are going through.  Been there a year and a half ago.   It is good you think of it as good thing that she had gone home.  No more suffering.  Now try to rejoice and remember the good times with her. 

[cookiedough]

Cookie, I know what you are going through.  Been there a year and a half ago.   It is good you think of it as good thing that she had gone home.  No more suffering.  Now try to rejoice and remember the good times with her. 

totally agree,  this past 4+ years or more of mom not knowing anyone or doing much just sitting in wheelchair and mostly sleeping is no super great way to live.  Yes, we made her smile and tried our best, but not knowing close family members or anyone for about 4 years was tough. 

[0leman]

Cookie, I feel for you and what you went through with your Mom.

My Mom, who was 103 when she left us, was mentally still there till the last few days of her life.  Her body just fail in the end.  Having a member of the family go like yours did with not knowing who you were or where they were at, would be tough to endure.  I thank the lord that I didn't have to go through that.

[cookiedough]

wow, 103 and still knowing most all mind still there is awesome.  Mom was age 80 the oldest of the clan including her parents and grandparents in late 60s and mid 70's is all when passing.  Longevity will not be on my side for sure just hope I go quickly and not loose my mind that much for so long. 

Wife wants to be cremated vs. I am undecided.  I told her I will go first so do what you want with me.  LOL     I asked funeral home and 5K vs. say 11K full funeral, so guess 5K cremation is the way to go? 

I do feel all these 'traditional' funeral arrangements are such a waste so am leaning towards cremation as well and no fancy funeral.  Like mom,  I have only a handful of people, besides immediate family, that would come to a full blown funeral anyways.