Friday Funnies... Early Edition

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
> She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

> Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
> Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
> Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
> And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
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> WOMEN'S REVENGE
> 'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase
> As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
> 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
> 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
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> UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
> (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
> I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your legs, rip the hair out by the root,
> and still be afraid of a spider.
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> MARRIAGE SEMINAR
> While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
> Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
> 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
> He addressed the man,
> 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
> Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
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> WIFE VS. HUSBAND
> A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
> An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
> As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
> 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
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> WORDS
> A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
> 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
> The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
> The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
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> WHO DOES WHAT
> A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
> The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
> The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
> Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
> Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
> So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says
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> 'HEBREWS'
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> The Silent Treatment
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
> Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.
> The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
> Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
> The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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