Apologies ?

[The emperor has no clothes]

I'm not good at them. Never have been. I wish I was better at them. Especially when it comes to people I care about. I was just watching the news and they opined that apologies are not given because they are seen as a sign of weakness. I doubt that's true, at least with me. If I were to be honest about why I'm not good with apologies, I think it would have to be ego. I just plain hate to admit I've been wrong. Thankfully Brenda knows me pretty well these days. She lets me admit mistakes in a joking manner. My saving grace is my mistakes only come with the frequency of a blue moon.  

[Gryphon Rider]

The level of apology should reflect the seriousness of the offence and the degree of hurt it has caused.  Sometimes it takes (a lot of) time and reflection to realize that we have committed an offence that requires an apology, or that our small offence is the result of an attitude that requires a big adjustment.

I don't know where this came from, but I've hear it said that someone's repentance should be just as (or more) renowned as their offence is notorious.

See Luke 19:1-10 for the example of Zacchaeus' true repentance.

I'm okay at apologies.  What is harder is realizing/admitting that I need to apologize. I think I rely too heavily on my wife "letting it slide".

[Motodad71]

I won't hesitate to apologize or admit when I am wrong or made a mistake, I also try hard to learn from my mistakes and or short comings. Can't say I have much of an ego, but I most certainly am a brutally honest smart ass.  What I have a hard time with is dishonesty and close mindedness, both of those issues give me little to no tolerance.

[DDT (12)]

Rob,

A very thought-provoking topic, my friend! Most aren't good at apologies, because they really aren't focused on expressing regret or acknowledging error... they are simply trying to excuse themselves. Interesting you should bring this up, though...    

I'd have figured you as one who is more concerned with actually being 'right' rather than simply maintaining your supposed position 'as right'. In other words, pride and appearances take a backseat to being correct... Therefore, changing ones opinion or perspective must occasionally be accomplished as evidence dictates and truth emerges... No penalty, in my opinion, for doing the right thing, attempting to grow, and concern for being on the path to truth. Open-minded folks do have to alter direction now and then...! Only shame with that would be to not do it!!!

That's all generally speaking, of course... where spouses are concerned... well, that's a whole nuther matter!!!    

DDT

[Jess from VA]

Let out a big fart in a crowded elevator.

Apologize all you want (it's easy), but it doesn't help.

Trying to keep from laughing is the hard part.  Especially when everyone gets off at the next floor.

The one that comes to my mind is seeing a gal in my Federal building that sat next to me for a couple years, but who was moved to another floor, and I had not seen for many months.  I knew she had gotten married, so I was happy to congratulate her on her pregnancy.   I'm not pregnant. (frown)

I swore then and there I would never mention pregnancy again unless shown an ultrasound.

The simple courtesies in life should come easy to everyone.  They often cost little, and make living among humans much nicer.

But I don't apologize for my politics.  I try to stay off the subject when I don't know my audience, but that doesn't always happen.

[sandy]

Advice from my neighbor/nurse. Never mention a woman is pregnant unless you can see the head crowning.

[The emperor has no clothes]

Rob,



I'd have figured you as one who is more concerned with actually being 'right' rather than simply maintaining your supposed position 'as right'. In other words, pride and appearances take a backseat to being correct..
DDT

You know me pretty well my friend.  

[Willow]

... Most aren't good at apologies, because they really aren't focused on expressing regret or acknowledging error... they are simply trying to excuse themselves. ...

Well said.  Most these days mistake explanation for apology.  A real apology requires regret and admission of wrong.  Explaining why one did wrong is not an apology.

I've been careful to apologize sincerely both times when I needed to.

[RP#62]

I always enjoy the craftsmanship on a good non-apology.  Something like I am deeply sorry that you were offended by me calling you what you are.  I always try to be sincere even if I don't mean it.

-RP

[Jess from VA]

Advice from my neighbor/nurse. Never mention a woman is pregnant unless you can see the head crowning.

         (no thanks)  (I knew early on that medicine was not for me)

[northernvalk]

We have a professional apologist running this country, seems like every other week we should say sorry to some group who was wronged within the last 200years or so. Its getting comicam

[Serk]

Meathead,

Apology accepted.

[MarkT]

Let out a big fart in a crowded elevator.

Apologize all you want (it's easy), but it doesn't help.

Trying to keep from laughing is the hard part.  Especially when everyone gets off at the next floor.

Not gonna comment on apologizing.  But your comment brings to mind an incident back in '71.  At Nellis AFB, MMS squadron always had morning call in our hanger - pretty good sized, would hold two F111's with the wings out with room to spare.  Roughly 50 yds square. The squadron of 60 guys or so standing in formation for the formal briefing.  I ripped one that was so bad it would put a sulpher grenade to shame.  Cleared out the hanger.  I couldn't apologize.  I was laughing too hard to breathe - just loved disrupting military formations - especially anonymously.  I really wanted to do that on one of my tours, at Commander's Call.  He was a jerk.  But never happened.

[DirtyDan]

Go and sin no more

We all have our moments......

I’m still buying lunch next time

Dan

[Serk]

Go and sin no more

Peace be with you.

(And I automatically reply with "And also with you.")

[FryeVRCCDS0067]

Rob,

A very thought-provoking topic, my friend! Most aren't good at apologies, because they really aren't focused on expressing regret or acknowledging error... they are simply trying to excuse themselves. Interesting you should bring this up, though...    

I'd have figured you as one who is more concerned with actually being 'right' rather than simply maintaining your supposed position 'as right'. In other words, pride and appearances take a backseat to being correct... Therefore, changing ones opinion or perspective must occasionally be accomplished as evidence dictates and truth emerges... No penalty, in my opinion, for doing the right thing, attempting to grow, and concern for being on the path to truth. Open-minded folks do have to alter direction now and then...! Only shame with that would be to not do it!!!

That's all generally speaking, of course... where spouses are concerned... well, that's a whole nuther matter!!!    

DDT

A lot of wisdom expressed in a few short sentences. We should all strive to be the person you describe here.

[Hooter]

"My Bad" seems to come to easily as an apology any more. For me, that doesn't seem to mean much in the way of apologizing for anything!

[GiG]

Recently had a female at work go ballistic on me for no reason.
We got dragged into an office and she “apologized”.
Apology consisted of “my breakfast didn’t agree with me this morning”, “someone in my family may not be feeling well”, and the topper: “whatever I said, it’s YOUR fault!”.  

I avoid her like a process server, but sometimes am forced to interact with this psychotic bitch, and am always sure to ask “how was your breakfast today?” And “everyone in your family feel absolutely fantastic?”.

This smelly hose beast has bounced between every department, meaning she’s completely incompetent, but is on every party planning committee. Completely unprofessional, yet still here. Can’t figure out who she is banging to blackmail, one of the managers must be super hard Up.

Females are paid less in the workforce for a reason!  

[..]

Engage brain before speaking/texting/writing and then there's no no need for an apology.

[The emperor has no clothes]

Engage brain before speaking/texting/writing and then there's no no need for an apology.

Does a double negative equal a positive ?

[The emperor has no clothes]

As to the original post, I was mostly curious how others view giving an apology. Is it really seen as a sign of weakness ?

[Serk]

As to the original post, I was mostly curious how others view giving an apology. Is it really seen as a sign of weakness ?

Not if it's sincere.

If it's a forced apology, only doing it because you're forced to, I can see that as a sign of weakness (Or worse) but if one is legitimately and honestly sorry for something, then I see an apology as a sign of strength, even regained honor in a way.

But that's just my opinion...

[..]

An apology is not a sign of weakness just as getting a colonoscopy is not a sign of lessened manhood.

When wrong a man will admit it.

When a woman is wrong a man shuts his trap. 

[Gryphon Rider]

We have a professional apologist running this country, seems like every other week we should say sorry to some group who was wronged within the last 200years or so. Its getting comicam

An apologist is someone who makes a defence for a belief, idea, or philosophy, so I don't think Trudeau often plays that role, except maybe for radical feminism.  The word you are looking for is apologizer.  In many ways, he is a sorry Prime Minister, however.

[The emperor has no clothes]

As to the original post, I was mostly curious how others view giving an apology. Is it really seen as a sign of weakness ?

Not if it's sincere.

If it's a forced apology, only doing it because you're forced to, I can see that as a sign of weakness (Or worse) but if one is legitimately and honestly sorry for something, then I see an apology as a sign of strength, even regained honor in a way.

But that's just my opinion...

I feel the need for a shower 

[Serk]

As to the original post, I was mostly curious how others view giving an apology. Is it really seen as a sign of weakness ?

Not if it's sincere.

If it's a forced apology, only doing it because you're forced to, I can see that as a sign of weakness (Or worse) but if one is legitimately and honestly sorry for something, then I see an apology as a sign of strength, even regained honor in a way.

But that's just my opinion...

I feel the need for a shower 

You're safe, it wasn't a political discussion... 

[czuch]

I'm sorry.
Really, I mean it this time.

[Ken aka Oil Burner]

I have never seen an apology as a sign of weakness. I was taught that a man admits when he's wrong, and makes amends when possible.

What I want to know is when did "My bad" become a proper apology? Yeah; you're saying that you screwed up, but offer no feeling of "I wish I hadn't done it". A true apology is a feeling that you regret what happened, and how it affected others.

[FryeVRCCDS0067]

As to the original post, I was mostly curious how others view giving an apology. Is it really seen as a sign of weakness ?

I was taught that it takes more of a man to admit he was wrong than it does to pretend to be right.

So no, I don't see a needed apology as a sign of weakness, I see it as a sign of confidence & strength.

[Robert]

True apology is offered with caring for the one your apologizing to, or a real personal conviction of caring and doing the right thing. Sometimes there is a knowing inside us that requires us to apologize for a wrong and deep sorrow that we have in the course of life wronged someone else. It is a knowing that things are not right till we apologize sometimes regardless if we feel like it or not. It takes confidence in yourself because people are not always kind when apologized to and may use it against you or their reaction may not be becoming. Its freeing and a release if done sincerely since you admit a wrong and in doing so you may have come up in your own understanding and sincerity since you see an error of your way.

 How can you be a man when you dont have the guts to apologize and have compassion on someone else that you may have hurt. You had enough guts to do the deed have enough guts to try to make it right. When you apologize you also see the character of the person you apologize to. Since an apology requires or bids acceptance and when you come humble and contrite to someone you put them in the drivers seat so to speak. That takes guts, humility and love for humanity, it takes seeing that we as humans cannot hold anger and malice and unforgiveness in our hearts and live a fully successful life. These can have eternal ramifications and not just a momentary annoyance.

 Anyone can be an Ahole but it take a real person to admit they are wrong.

In the eternal scheme of things the bible says if you do not forgive someone a wrong done you then I will not forgive you. Pretty damming words, because in someone not forgiving you then they hold anger and malice against you its almost like a curse against you. But if you apologize then on your side you have done the right thing to try to make things right. Jesus on the cross said Father forgive them for they know not what they do. We ask forgiveness of our Eternal Father for wrongs we have done and He is faithful and just to forgive us.

Sometimes asking forgiveness is knowing that we have an a Father that wants us to be a blessing to people and its in the final judgement that we dont want to be asked why did we not do the right thing and apologize and it doing the right thing we have the confidence of hopefully hearing well done my good and faithful servant.

In not apologizing when we know we should we never really get away with anything, in fact like an open sore we prolong the suffering. Sometimes it brands our own conscience so much that it hardens our hearts to humanity. In asking yourself why you cannot apologize for something you may realize the problem is you and not the other person.

Rom 12:17  Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men.
Rom 12:18  If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.
Rom 12:19  Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord.
Rom 12:20  "BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD."
Rom 12:21  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

 

[Jess from VA]

In a related matter, apology by hand signal has become a necessary thing when driving in a crowded world.  Every human is a sinner, and so is every driver.  No one with a driver's license, however careful and observant, fails to operate a vehicle in such a way as to scare, cut off, pull out without seeing, change lanes, or otherwise offend the good order and discipline (and traffic code) of other drivers.

You may or may not get a horn when you commit a driving sin (error), but all good drivers know when they have erred, and it is a good healthy practice to acknowledge your driving sin with mea culpa hand gestures to the offended other driver (since they can't hear you speak).  Even if they are angrily yelling and giving you the number one sign, you owe an apology, and it can be the difference between an escalating bit of road rage, or a stop light fist fight (or worse).  

I don't err while driving owing a gesture apology often, but when I do, I always try to make a plainly visible gesture of apology, looking right at the guy, pointing at my chest (that was on me buddy), and at my eyes (didn't see you buddy), and two hands up palms out (briefly) sorry.  And I know when others almost get me (in the car or on a bike), and give me such a gesture, my anger level immediately diminishes.

The Marcel Marceau school of mime apology is not taught in driver's ed.  It has to be self taught.

 

[Fazer]

Apologies are like good intentions and noisy children in church--they should be carried out immediately.

$.02 worth