Some St Paddys day humor

[Big Tom 10628]

Little Leprechaun

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands.
When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand.' The boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'
He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand.' So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.'
He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do you have in your hand.' So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.'
He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked, 'What do you have in your hand.' So again the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared away.'
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hands!'
The little boy opened his hands and with tears in his eyes said, 'Look Dad you scared the crap out of him.'

[Jess from VA]

Not an Irishmen, but a Scottsman.

After drinking many pints and walking for home, the Scottsman in his kilt leans back against a tree and falls soundly asleep on a warm summer afternoon.

Two young lasses come walking by and commence to giggling about what might be worn under a kilt.  The braver one lifts it up, and he is wearing nothing under it.  The man still hasn't woken up, so she pulls a blue ribbon from her hair and gently ties a bow around his tally-whacker.  And they walk away laughing.

Some time later the Scottsman wakes up and needs to take a leak.  He looks down and sees the blue ribbon, and exclaims..... Mon I don't know where you've been, but you've gone and won first prize.   

[flsix]

Jess that is actually a song. It's called "The Scottsman".