Dog food Diet!

[TomT]

Yesterday I was at my local Sam's Club, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

     What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I
was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

     I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
     that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and
     simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
     nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
     again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was
     now enthralled with my story.)

     Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

[Joe Hummer]

Damn good thing I didn't have anything liquid in my mouth when I got to the last line. 

[Blackduck KS]