Anyone fight with a coworker?

fudgie · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 19:53:45

Not physical, but would to hear those!

My current EMS partner, my work wife, and I have know each other for 15 yrs since I started. Been steady partners for 4+ yrs now. We are close, prob closer then should be but it is what it is. She is my best friend. Well we have been fighting, well she has, to me its no big deal. I'd say this is our 2nd fight. Started back when another lady friend want her daught to ride with me for her emt class. She only trusts me. Ok no biggie. She rode once and my p had a fit. She dont like this girls mom and I think its because I had a fling with her 6-7 yrs ago. Next time she rode I was also training a new girl so the student went to another station. We got into it with some yelling and I told her I dont give a f what she does. That past. Well last week the student rode, unexpectedly with us for 2 hrs. My p was quiet. Told her I had no idea she was riding as she was not on the sched.Whatever she said. So I let it pass and 3 days later at work its quiet. Said whats wrong. 'You know exacly what is wrong. You f-in pissed me off thats what.' 'That was 3 days ago you should be over it.' Nope! We got into it and I kept my calmness. She said we'll see about a partner change then. Oh well do what you gotta do dear! I had so much to say but I dont want to loose her as a partner. She has it easy with me and she knows it. I made arrangments to have her ride with others. We talked a little this morning but she is still mad. I text her tonight with questions about our sick dog, who passed away a couple hours ago.

Anyway she said she is hurt cause I choose the student and not my p. I had to stop texting as I was about to do a water rescue. Text her a hour ago to finish talking and she returned nothing. So she is mad.
To me its very petty what she is mad about. Told her I never ever intended to hurt her. I'll argue with Kit any day over fighting with my p!

Anyway it sure makes for a rough shift when someone you care about is mad at you. Starting to take its toll on me. We usually text every day so that part is hard to deal with to.

Thx for letting me vent!

Willow · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 19:59:01

Quote from: fudgie on Fri 19, Apr 2013, 19:53:45
... prob closer then should be but ...

Glad you had a chance to vent, but you already know the problem.

RainMaker · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 20:07:11

There's a lot more between you two than you are acknowledging. Especially from the work wife side.

Perhaps a new partner who doesn't get quite as close is a good idea.

cookiedough · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 20:26:43

She'll get over it, if not, oh well. I say if not married then do whatever you want but be nice about it sounds like you are. Hard to please all women all the time.

Robert · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 20:28:14

Way to much intimacy in this relationship.

BF · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 20:31:12

My daddy once told me, son....."Don't get your honey where ya get your money".

Sage advice.

Clark · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 20:43:47

you lil devil you

Serk · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 20:51:49

Run, don't walk, to find a new partner. You're treading in very dangerous territory here.

cookiedough · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 20:59:33

Quote from: Serk on Fri 19, Apr 2013, 20:51:49
Run, don't walk, to find a new partner. You're treading in very dangerous territory here.

I'd tend to agree with that statement. I got totally wrongfully accused of sexual harrassment about 20 years ago from a man hating recently divorced mom of 2 kids. It stayed on my record which of course was clean for the full 6 years I was there. A scorned woman could destroy your career even more so now than 20+ years ago. I was so F'ing pissed after getting chewed out by our branch manager I slammed his F'ing door in his office when I left so hard I swear it should have came off it's hinges totally fuming afterwards since the women was a _itch!

Smokinjoe-VRCCDS#0005 · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 21:46:02

Like I Am

Like I Am

Alien · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 22:14:13

Dude, I feel your pain. I was on a rig for many years. The relationship between partners is, by nature a close one. You spend 12 hours a day sitting a foot apart and learn to read each others minds when it comes to PT care. It's natural to have your ups and downs BUT here's the thing: This woman has feelings for you, hence the jealousy. You're a married man. Being a man, it's an ego boost to have someone like that in your life, but it's bad news for your unit, your career and your marriage. My advice is to remain friends but partner up with someone else to put some safwe distance between you. I know whereof I speak. Good luck man.

RiderNJ · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 23:20:49

Really sorry to hear that your dog passed.
Hope you get the rest worked out...

MarkT · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 23:24:25

Most everybody said the same thing. You already knew what to do...

oxfordhog · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 23:28:34

A woman scorned cannot understand normal thinking - that is what makes them the c word (cannot understand normal. .........) Get a new partner before she sends you down the toilet.

FryeVRCCDS0067 · Fri 19, Apr 2013, 23:37:09

This is why I like working with mechanical/electrical stuff instead of people. Troubleshooting electrical/mechanical stuff is fun. Troubleshooting WTF people are thinking gives me a headache.

Sorry about your "fur child" passing on. That's a tough one.

alph · Sat 20, Apr 2013, 02:35:11

Quote from: Serk on Fri 19, Apr 2013, 20:51:49
Run, don't walk, to find a new partner. You're treading in very dangerous territory here.

DITTO +1!!

first off, i leave work, i LEAVE WORK! at the end of the day, i get in my car, i go my way, co-workers go theirs. i don't even check my emails from work when i'm not at work, let alone associate with ANY of my co-workers.

i had an old "friend" that i once worked with, that POS turned into the biggest back stabber i'd ever expierenced in my life, actually got me fired from my job! that's probably why i STAY THE HELL AWAY from co-workers lives, spending 48 hours a week with them is enough!!

junior · Sat 20, Apr 2013, 04:48:47

Quote from: fudgie on Fri 19, Apr 2013, 19:53:45
Not physical, but would to hear those!
My current EMS partner, my work wife, and I have know each other for 15 yrs since I started. Been steady partners for 4+ yrs now. We are close, prob closer then should be but it is what it is. She is my best friend. Well we have been fighting, well she has, to me its no big deal. I'd say this is our 2nd fight. Started back when another lady friend want her daught to ride with me for her emt class. She only trusts me. Ok no biggie. She rode once and my p had a fit. She dont like this girls mom and I think its because I had a fling with her 6-7 yrs ago. Next time she rode I was also training a new girl so the student went to another station. We got into it with some yelling and I told her I dont give a f what she does. That past. Well last week the student rode, unexpectedly with us for 2 hrs. My p was quiet. Told her I had no idea she was riding as she was not on the sched.Whatever she said. So I let it pass and 3 days later at work its quiet. Said whats wrong. 'You know exacly what is wrong. You f-in pissed me off thats what.' 'That was 3 days ago you should be over it.' Nope! We got into it and I kept my calmness. She said we'll see about a partner change then. Oh well do what you gotta do dear! I had so much to say but I dont want to loose her as a partner. She has it easy with me and she knows it. I made arrangments to have her ride with others. We talked a little this morning but she is still mad. I text her tonight with questions about our sick dog, who passed away a couple hours ago. Anyway she said she is hurt cause I choose the student and not my p. I had to stop texting as I was about to do a water rescue. Text her a hour ago to finish talking and she returned nothing. So she is mad.
To me its very petty what she is mad about. Told her I never ever intended to hurt her. I'll argue with Kit any day over fighting with my p! Anyway it sure makes for a rough shift when someone you care about is mad at you. Starting to take its toll on me. We usually text every day so that part is hard to deal with to.

Thx for letting me vent!

that just goes to prove............... "never trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and lives"

junior · Sat 20, Apr 2013, 04:52:07

Quote from: alph on Sat 20, Apr 2013, 02:35:11
Quote from: Serk on Fri 19, Apr 2013, 20:51:49
Run, don't walk, to find a new partner. You're treading in very dangerous territory here.

DITTO +1!!

first off, i leave work, i LEAVE WORK! at the end of the day, i get in my car, i go my way, co-workers go theirs. i don't even check my emails from work when i'm not at work, let alone associate with ANY of my co-workers.

i had an old "friend" that i once worked with, that POS turned into the biggest back stabber i'd ever expierenced in my life, actually got me fired from my job! that's probably why i STAY THE HELL AWAY from co-workers lives, spending 48 hours a week with them is enough!!

its hard to leave work at work when you are picking up the peices of other peoples lifes... if i was in a crash i would want fudgie to be the one to give me mouth to mouth.................lol

valk2000 · Sat 20, Apr 2013, 07:05:28

Quote from: Serk on Fri 19, Apr 2013, 20:51:49
Run, don't walk, to find a new partner. You're treading in very dangerous territory here.

follow this advice RUN away as FAST AS YOU CAN............

hairyteeth · Sat 20, Apr 2013, 10:38:24

Sorry for your loss on the doggy. It's just another nail in your current emotional coffin. Proud of you for venting and reaching out. If you didn't get the right thing to do answer from this wise group, employ a professional before it has you filling pressure cookers in your spare time.
HT

Jess from VA · Sat 20, Apr 2013, 10:57:13

Yeah, at 16 I objected to a 25yo mechanic pulling his new SS396 half way into our gas station shop bay, leaving the garage door all the way up and letting what little warm air we had left out of the station for the remainder of my midnight shift in MI in freezing February. He disagreed and kicked my ass. Kept asking me to get up off the floor, but I said, why you'll just knock me down again. I made no complaint, no one got fired, and life went on.

R J · Sat 20, Apr 2013, 11:27:44

fudgie ole buddy. Run away and get a new partner.

I had a lady partner on the motor detail and in the Cruiser if it was a double car night.

We were very close, and like you said overly close. We both were married and after the 3rd jealousy hassle we got in, we went our separate ways.

In the end, I got a new lady partner and we were together for 20+ years. Oh, she was Black, but that made no difference. If I got into a hassle in a dark alley she was there to kick ass and take no prisoners. I was covering her back the same way. I wouldn't of traded her for any other partner in the CHP.

I was an usher at her wedding.

Art708 · Sat 20, Apr 2013, 14:41:08

I think you need to get a guy partner.

jimmytee · Sat 20, Apr 2013, 16:23:49

Quote from: Art708 on Sat 20, Apr 2013, 14:41:08
I think you need to get a guy partner.

Watch out making assumptions

, in today's world it may not change things much!!!!

BF · Sat 20, Apr 2013, 16:27:56

Quote from: jimmytee on Sat 20, Apr 2013, 16:23:49
Quote from: Art708 on Sat 20, Apr 2013, 14:41:08
I think you need to get a guy partner.
Watch out making assumptions , in today's world it may not change things much!!!!

Hooter · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 07:51:29

Let me just say this: I was inclusively in 3 jobs at one time, Fire, EMS, and LEO. I have since retired as a LEO after 28 years and am now a fire chief and EMS, this is approaching 32 years. Partners are supposed to be close and watch each others back. You two are too close! The type of problem as explained by you will compromise any patient you "two" deal with. You both have to be 100% each and every day. Not the case now. If she won't transfer, you need to. As it sounds, she is jealous and that is a problem. If I was your boss and knew of this, you wouldn't have to worry about the necessary solution, I would make it happen myself.
This situation hasn't and won't change and possibly get worse. If you stay in this situation shame on you and you are just as much the problem as she is. You become and enabler. Her jealousy and lack of maturity is compromising and detrimental. To the point I guess, this is how I see it.

fudgie · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 08:54:22

Thx guys, lot to think about. Text a little last night and we are doing better, got her to laugh anyway.

Jttingle · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 09:59:20

EMS is stressful enough without all the personal stuff. Just my opinion but females have too much emotion to be in this line of work. It can be a double edge sword whenever you spend so much time with one person, regardless of gender. Professionalism should be first and foremost, but we all are human and that is a problem. Feelings suck and that's why I refuse to have them. My advice is to do what you know and that's your job. Trying to figure a woman out, as we all know, is a loosing battle. Don't stress over the little things. Sorry about your dog. A new partner may be what you need. Everything happens for a reason.

fudgie · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 10:53:01

Quote from: Jttingle on Sun 21, Apr 2013, 09:59:20
EMS is stressful enough without all the personal stuff. Just my opinion but females have too much emotion to be in this line of work. It can be a double edge sword whenever you spend so much time with one person, regardless of gender. Professionalism should be first and foremost, but we all are human and that is a problem. Feelings suck and that's why I refuse to have them. My advice is to do what you know and that's your job. Trying to figure a woman out, as we all know, is a loosing battle. Don't stress over the little things. Sorry about your dog. A new partner may be what you need. Everything happens for a reason.

We do, do our job with personal feelings aside. We are one of the best teams our EMS has and thats why we are together. We just look at each other and we know what we are thinking without saying a word. She has no other emotions then any of us already do. She is one of the strongest medics we have. Alot of coworkers are intimidated by her 5', 110 lb frame. Seen her make guys cry!

RainMaker · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 10:58:03

Quote from: fudgie on Sun 21, Apr 2013, 08:54:22
Thx guys, lot to think about. Text a little last night and we are doing better, got her to laugh anyway.

You will make your own mind up, maybe decide that you and your partner can handle this, but I'd still be asking for a new partner as the same emotions and feelings haven't gone away and are still there, under the surface perhaps, but there.

As a group, we'll support either decision. The general opinion is that you are too close to your partner. Only you can decide if that is correct.

Good luck whichever way you go.

RainMaker

Quicksilver · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 13:25:57

She's your partner not your slave. You make changes without her having input. If you are a team she's being treated as a junior member and thinks she should be treated as an equal. The second seat is hers. IMHO.

Clark · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 16:26:49

post up a pic.of this tart

Gavin_Sons · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 17:03:54

Im with clark, we need a picture of her to decide what the best decision is.

Skinhead · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 17:55:17

Dude,

I can't help you with the lady problems, I DO NOT understand them, or why they get so pissed off. Jealousy is an ugly emotion for some one to have (don't ask).

Sorry about losing your dog.

My advice: Get a new dog.

FLAVALK · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 18:09:55

Work wife? She's acting like the real thing. Way too much drama....

Rams · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 21:19:54

This reminds of of playing Five Card Stud. Look at your hand, you can see her raise, fold or, go all in. Checking and sticking around only lengthens the hand but doesn't not change the cards. Kind of depends on whether or not you can afford to lose. I love playing poker but, I never go in without knowing my own limits.

donaldcc · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 21:30:59

Quote from: Skinhead on Sun 21, Apr 2013, 17:55:17

. . . Sorry about losing your dog.

My advice: Get a new dog.

old2soon · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 21:50:11

I believe you are wanting a decision you already made validated. Worked E M S and Fire crew. The job itself is stressful enough without adding any external pressures. Switch partners for 2 or 3 months minimum and see how it all shakes out. Let us know BUT I really believe a partner switch be the best thing NOW. Get another pooch. GOOD LUCK and RIDE SAFE.

3fan4life · Sun 21, Apr 2013, 22:11:22

Fudgie,

You got's to do whatever it is that you got's to do.

I had several female partners while working EMS.

Can't say that any of us ever got that close but I know how close partners can get.

The reading each other's minds thing is especially helpful when the crap hits the fan.

There isn't any place for the jealousy that you describe at work though, and it could eventually cause problems for you and Kit as well.

I understand you wanting to work it out and if you can that's great.

But,

If she doesn't come around, my advice is to walk away.

I had many different partners in the 30 years that I worked EMS.

I still have a good relationship with all of them.

I'm now teaching with people that I worked with 20 years ago, we all had many partners over the years and we all remember them fondly.

Things, work out and sometimes even great partners need a break from each other.

That's my .02 and it's probably worth what you paid for it.

Feel free to PM me anytime.

3Fan

czuch · Mon 22, Apr 2013, 09:45:59

I forget work between helmet and security gate.
Sorry about the pooch.
I know good people at work are hard to replace, but it kinda sounds like you're making excuses for not wanting change. "Making her laugh", etc. This might be a time for rearrainging some things in your life. New dog, new partner,,,,,,,,,,,,,,save marriage.
BTW,, I had a girlfriend, for 4 years, that dreamed, DREAMED, I went to Mexico with three beautiful blondes in a red Mustang convertable. She didnt talk to me for two days. within the month she was EX- status..

News:

Anyone fight with a coworker?