A dissertation of Florida retirement. :)

[John Schmidt]

Fifteen years ago my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida's southeast coast.  We are living in the Delray/Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-hachee.  There are 3000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.

Our biggest retirement concern was time management.  What were we going to do all day?  Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem.  Your days will be eaten up by simple, daily activities.  Just getting out of your car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where you parked takes 20 minutes.  It takes 1/2 hour on the check-out line in Wal-Mart and 1 hour to return the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day.  We get up at 5:00 AM, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk and Talk Club.  There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine we walk around the streets, all talking at once.  Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6 AM.  After a nimble walk avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity.

My wife goes directly to the pool for her under water Pilates class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR.  I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals and go to the club house lobby for a nice nap.

Before you know it, it's time for lunch.  We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets.  All free!  After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.

We're usually back home by 2 PM to get ready for dinner.  People start lining up for the early bird about 3 PM, but we get there by 3:45 because we're late eaters.  The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve.  You can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and Sweet-and-Low along with mints.

At 5:30 we're home ready to watch the 6 o'clock news..  By 6:30 we're fast asleep..  Then we get up and make 5 or 6 trips to the bathroom during the night and it's time to get up and start a new day all over again.

Doctor related activities eat up most of your retirement time..  I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don't mind.  Calling for test results also helps the days fly by.  It takes at least half an hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu.  Then there's the hold time until you're connected to the right party.  Sometimes they forget you're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.

Should you find you still have time on your hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate. Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help.  I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80..'  I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers  The hoop is only 4 1/2 feet from the floor.  You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.

Food shopping is a problem for short seniors or 'bottom feeders' as we call them because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves.  There are many foods they've never tasted.  After shopping, most seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.

Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive name.  Italian names are very popular in Florida.  They convey world traveler, uppity sophistication and wealth.  Where would you rather live... Murray's Condos or the Lakes of Venice?  There's no difference. They're both owned by Murray who happens to be a cheap bastard.

I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees.  If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you're in Florida.  I live in The Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach.

[Hog Killer DS0048]

Very funny! Kinda sounds like us retirees in southern Arizona, only with no humidity.

[musclehead]

I'm ready for retirement, uh wait how old/rich do you have to be?

I guess I'll keep working. 

[T-Bird]

 

[Hook#3287]

Great story, and truthful.  Everyone I know down there seems to be on your schedule and activity list.

[Jess from VA]

LMAO

But we definitely need a pic of you in ...  Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals 

I wear shorts, white sox and slides all the time.... but not out of my yard. 

[Spirited-6]

LMAO. Thanks John. I sent to several friends. 

[old2soon]

Guess i'm going about my retirement all wrong.   I'm gonna stay here in the Ozarks cause no matter where I go it's a tad bit easier to find my cage my motorcycle or if I rode with someone else finding there cage ain't too firikin difficult-at least up til this point in time.   Don't have any loud shirts-at least til this point in time.   And the closest thing I got to sandals is rubber shower flip flops(blue)and it has to be REALLY hot fer me to wear them out in public-at least up til this point in time.   And if I drove to the stores that have those free food samples well the gasoline costs of getting there would negate the food money savings-at least up til this point in time.   But after reading your post John I do have a question-What is the Alzheimers test?? But after reading your post John I do have a question-What is the Alzheimers test?? RIDE SAFE.

[grandpaweaver]

I'm sending that to my brother who is retired living in FL.

[cajunito]

Reading this affirms my decision that,upon turning 65, I will acquire my one and only tattoo.... D N R on my forehead.

[John Schmidt]

LMAO

But we definitely need a pic of you in ...  Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals 

I wear shorts, white sox and slides all the time.... but not out of my yard. 

Jess, you won't catch me dressed like that. However, if you travel SE of here toward My-YAMM-y, you'll see more if it in the retirement communities. Sometimes referred to as "God's waiting room" for the overfed, newly wed, or nearly dead! 

When all my gals were still home, I would sometimes offer to take the family out to dinner, the girls would jump at that since it meant no KP. Then I'd come out dressed as described above, much to the horror of all....just before they would all suddenly disappear. It's still talked about today and we all get a good laugh over it because they now realize I was pulling their collective legs. My former wife told me back then that I was raising damaged children. 

I recall one time I took along a set of "Bubba" teeth when we were headed for a popular local restaraunt after evening service one Sunday. They knew us as a family so would joke with the girls, making it a friendly place to visit. Just as we were being seated, I slippped in the "teeth" and walked with a dragging foot. My daughter #3 got that look of horror and kept right on walking past the table being offered and headed into the ladies room. I was "normal" when she came out so decided to join us....but still wary of dad.

Another time was a bit more drastic because it dumped water all over. I had found a set of trick teeth that looked very real, but soon as you took them out of their box they would start chattering and bouncing all over the table. Earlier I had asked one of the girls if they had room for it in their purse....yeah, sure. They didn't bother to ask...big mistake. Later she took it out of her purse and asked what it was, I said it's a surprise for all of you and to go ahead and open it. When she did, being spring loaded when fully wound up it jumped out of the box and began chattering across the table. Everyone screamed and grabbed, knocking over water and dishes of food. A couple minutes later when all was somewhat more quiet, I smiled and said....."SURPRISE."  I never found them after that for some reason. 

[musclehead]

LMAO

But we definitely need a pic of you in ...  Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals 

I wear shorts, white sox and slides all the time.... but not out of my yard. 

Jess, you won't catch me dressed like that. However, if you travel SE of here toward My-YAMM-y, you'll see more if it in the retirement communities. Sometimes referred to as "God's waiting room" for the overfed, newly wed, or nearly dead! 

When all my gals were still home, I would sometimes offer to take the family out to dinner, the girls would jump at that since it meant no KP. Then I'd come out dressed as described above, much to the horror of all....just before they would all suddenly disappear. It's still talked about today and we all get a good laugh over it because they now realize I was pulling their collective legs. My former wife told me back then that I was raising damaged children. 

I recall one time I took along a set of "Bubba" teeth when we were headed for a popular local restaraunt after evening service one Sunday. They knew us as a family so would joke with the girls, making it a friendly place to visit. Just as we were being seated, I slippped in the "teeth" and walked with a dragging foot. My daughter #3 got that look of horror and kept right on walking past the table being offered and headed into the ladies room. I was "normal" when she came out so decided to join us....but still wary of dad.

Another time was a bit more drastic because it dumped water all over. I had found a set of trick teeth that looked very real, but soon as you took them out of their box they would start chattering and bouncing all over the table. Earlier I had asked one of the girls if they had room for it in their purse....yeah, sure. They didn't bother to ask...big mistake. Later she took it out of her purse and asked what it was, I said it's a surprise for all of you and to go ahead and open it. When she did, being spring loaded when fully wound up it jumped out of the box and began chattering across the table. Everyone screamed and grabbed, knocking over water and dishes of food. A couple minutes later when all was somewhat more quiet, I smiled and said....."SURPRISE."  I never found them after that for some reason. 

what are children for if not tweaking their malleable minds into something more interesting? 

[Patrick]

LOL !

[alph]

  I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room,

YEAH!!  WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!!!  visited a couple weeks ago and could not believe how much you guys love your AC!!  we only turn our AC on when it gets above 90*, and then we set it at 75*.  when we were down there I saw thermostats set at 65* and one place it was set at 62*!!!

I'm ready for retirement, uh wait how old/rich do you have to be?

I guess I'll keep working. 

my parents retired at age 58, i'm 46, there's no way in the world i'm going to be able to do what they did!!  not unless a gold bar falls out of Air force one as it fly's over head!!  even then, with my luck it'll go towards medical INSURANCE!!

[John Schmidt]

  I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room,

YEAH!!  WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!!!  visited a couple weeks ago and could not believe how much you guys love your AC!!  we only turn our AC on when it gets above 90*, and then we set it at 75*.  when we were down there I saw thermostats set at 65* and one place it was set at 62*!!!

I'm ready for retirement, uh wait how old/rich do you have to be?

I guess I'll keep working. 

my parents retired at age 58, i'm 46, there's no way in the world i'm going to be able to do what they did!!  not unless a gold bar falls out of Air force one as it fly's over head!!  even then, with my luck it'll go towards medical INSURANCE!!

Alph, not in my house. If it's really hot out, we might set it at 78, most of the time it's 79. I hate dr. offices, you could hang meat in most of them without it ever spoiling.

[sandy]

I'm ready for retirement, uh wait how old/rich do you have to be?

I guess I'll keep working. 

Lower your expectations of life and enjoy it. Early retirement is great.

[cajunito]

  I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room,

YEAH!!  WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!!!  visited a couple weeks ago and could not believe how much you guys love your AC!!  we only turn our AC on when it gets above 90*, and then we set it at 75*.  when we were down there I saw thermostats set at 65* and one place it was set at 62*!!!

I'm ready for retirement, uh wait how old/rich do you have to be?

I guess I'll keep working. 

my parents retired at age 58, i'm 46, there's no way in the world i'm going to be able to do what they did!!  not unless a gold bar falls out of Air force one as it fly's over head!!  even then, with my luck it'll go towards medical INSURANCE!!

Alph, not in my house. If it's really hot out, we might set it at 78, most of the time it's 79. I hate dr. offices, you could hang meat in most of them without it ever spoiling.

Keeps the germ population down.

[Charlie McCready]

Very well stated John.........you sure do have a way with words !!!

Hope you and your Mrs are doing well.

[da prez]

John , You answered your own statement. The Dr's office  temp is to keep meat from spoiling.  As for children , jokes are a nesessity , It keeps them wondering.
  Do not tell me to act my age , I am.
  But for all , remember , your children get to pick out your nursing home!

                          da prez

[Karen]

Ahhh- another reason to be grateful for not having children. Thanks, John, you make me laugh, keep up the good work!

[czuch]

Yup, Gotta wreck them kids. My daughter turned 21 today and I'm taking her and her boyfriend to dinner. The teeth are a great idea and I have some from halloween. Thanks.
We were in the store when she was alot younger and there was a clay pot that was 4' high. like what ya put peacock feathers in or somethuing. Anyway, I said "Lookie here" leaned over it and made loud barfing noises. She got the Mk-1, Mod-0 look-o-horror and got scarce. I found her2 aisles over crunched up and her shoulders hunching. I thought I ruined our day and she was crying. She had tears rolling down her face and said that was one of the funniest things she had ever seen.
Magic burritos when she went to see her mom is another one but I've already redirected enough.