Hard Lesson for the Kid

[G-Man]

Got the 13-year-old's report card yesterday.  We had taken away the X-Box when school started due to slipping grades.  He made honors for a year and a half and that last half year was spent in front of the TV exercising his thumbs instead of studying.  Told him that when he gets back up into honors, he can have  the game back.

According to the report card, he has an 86.3 average, which put him on one of the honor lists.  Turns out they now have 2 honors lists,.... a HIGH Honors list and an Honors list. 

He got so excitied and said that since he made honors, he can get the game back.  I told him that I don't consider a solid "B" honors.  He said, "but it says it right there, Honors".  I told him that when everyone is special, nobody really is......... special.

Caribbean Queen and I are in discussion about giving the game back or not.  We'll see.

[Skinhead]

I'd say hold out.  Just because the rest of the world is willing to lower their standards and accept mediocrity, doesn't mean you have to.

Since there was some ambiguity in the requirements, perhaps a partial restoration of privileges, but make it clear, if he wants full access, he needs to be top honors.  13 is when I started experimenting with pot, and I never had to study in HS, but if I had only applied myself a little bit, I could have excelled.  I wish I had been given more guidence at that age.  JMHO

[Jess from VA]

Compromise can be high art.  Since he did show good improvement, give him partial/limited use of the game box, contingent on continuing improvement.  Partial use planned around (after) homework and school assignments. 

[old2soon]

Skinhead and Jess have very valid points to consider. Knowing what you know NOW will have you better prepared for the new and improved expectations. Good luck with your project on grades = POSSIBLE fun AFTER the home work and grades are at an acceptable level. RIDE SAFE.

[Psychotic Bovine]

let him have a game and one controller.  Not the console.  or the console, but no tv.

[Oss]

You and your son did not set a number goal

But if you did agree on what that number was then a deal is a deal

Still after all that I agree with the prior posters

Let him use the video on weekends till the next marking period

When he gets up to high honors in 3 months restore full privileges

I have no doubt he will get there

And I bet he kicks your ass on the games too    

[The Anvil]

I totally see your point about the honor roll at B average being BS BUT...

...he made honors. That was the requirement. Unless you made qualifications to the arrangement then you as a parent need to keep your word. Otherwise, what are you teaching your child about honoring an agreement if you break it on an unforeseen technicality?

I would give it back with a VERY short leash. But that's just me.

[musclehead]

I totally see your point about the honor roll at B average being BS BUT...

...he made honors. That was the requirement. Unless you made qualifications to the arrangement then you as a parent need to keep your word. Otherwise, what are you teaching your child about honoring an agreement if you break it on an unforeseen technicality?

I would give it back with a VERY short leash. But that's just me.

agreed. the qualifications have been met, sort of. to keep playing he needs to know you have to pay. tell him he keeps the priviledge IF he continues to improve.

[lacon]

I also agree with musclehead & anvil.  If he honestly believes he met the terms of the deal & you reject his efforts on a "technicality", you could be doing more harm than good.  I say give him what he worked for.  If his grades drop as a result, then institute a new deal.

[Varmintmist]

+3

Because you didnt understand the conditions of the contract does not make it void. If you don't give him back his game, then you are a liar in his eyes. Quit screwing around and give it back, NOW, quit making addendums to the deal after the fact and apoligise for your actions. He is 13, he isnt a kid. In less than 3 years he will be in charge of a multi ton vehicle on the public roads. You want him to think it is OK to make up the rules as he goes because he doesnt like the result?

Then tell him that he needs to make high honors, but you made a deal and real men honor their word. If he ever gets less than honors, then he will be unplugged until he gets high honors. Or later, when he wants new games, tell him he can have new games, after he gets high honors.

[G-Man]

We agreed to the weekend thingy, but NOT because he made "Honors" and I needed to hold up my end of the agreement.  When the agreement was made, there was only ONE Honors.  If the the kid got 90 or above in the 5 core subjects, they made Honors.  He didn't get 90's in 2, not even 80's.  The grade average was held up by Art, Gym, and a couple other ancillary classes.  And I didn't change the expectations and definitions, the school did.

Even if we chose not to give it back, I don't think I'd be going back on my word, if anything, it would be sticking firmly to my expectations regardless of how outside forces come into play.  I believe THAT's a good lesson as well.  Which is why we only gave it back partially.  If I don't get my work done, and done well, nobody cares what rules were changed along the way, or my computer crapped out, or anything. 

There was a movie with Michelle Pfeifer in which she played a teacher who started everyone off with an "A".  They just had to keep it.  I like this idea because the kid can actually see the grade reduced due to a specific behavior.  Forgot your homework, 99%.  Forgot it again, 98%.

[markj #3467]

We let our boy play 1 hour per day.

[czuch]

He achieved honors. THEY, lowered the bar. Dont move the goal posts on a tech, like posted before. Limited time with a 2 way discussion. See what he says, then give a good, viable reason why its limited time on the box, after homework, chores and whatever else you can come up with.
Higher end of mediocre is still mediocre.
At 13 he will either be saved or lost till 25.

[Misfit]

My opinion. Video games suck. They also suck the life out of our youth. Get the kid a dirt bike or a .22 and send him outside. Stick to your guns Gary, there is only one honor role. 

[The Anvil]

Not for nothing, but I remember a separate listing for Honors and High Honors on my aunt's HS graduation program all the way back in 1982. It's not a new thing.

[Oss]

remember what kind of student you were?  I wont say but you have told me.



I remember at that age I could not give a damn about grades, and didnt start caring till 10th grade when a guidance counsellor told me I would not get into college.

A person has to want to excel, bribery only goes so far and there is always some excuse to goof off
and not do homework.

What really interests him?   Challenge him

[PAVALKER]

My opinion. Video games suck. They also suck the life out of our youth. Get the kid a dirt bike or a .22 and send him outside. Stick to your guns Gary, there is only one honor role.  

If the young man is pissed bout not having his game.... giving him a .22 and sending him outside isn't the way I would go.   I might take him outside and educate him on the fine art and responsibility of firing a gun, but wouldn't just hand him one.   If his anger   for not having the game has any impact on what he would rather have, you could find yourself on the opposite end of that .22  

[G-Man]

remember what kind of student you were?  I wont say but you have told me.



I remember at that age I could not give a damn about grades, and didnt start caring till 10th grade when a guidance counsellor told me I would not get into college.

A person has to want to excel, bribery only goes so far and there is always some excuse to goof off
and not do homework.

What really interests him?   Challenge him

I was a terrible student.  I graduated high school by doing the minimum to pass.  I never failed any classes.  My choices for college due to my grades were between the local community college and the local 4 year college.  The "choice" was based on my SAT score.  I scored high enough to go to the 4 year but I was completely unprepared.   For 3 years I registered for 4 classes (to be a full time student).  One class I'd get a B, one class a C, one class a D, and the last class I'd either fail, get an incomplete, or stop going sometime during the term.

My parents never asked if I did my homework, if I need help with anything, or pushed for better grades.  As long as I passed, I was OK.  I wish they had been more strict when it came to school.  Would have hated back then, but I needed to be pushed back then.  I always did what was expected, maybe if they expected more I would have been a better student.