Why I have never gone to a Theme Park; i.e., Disney World...among others. :)

[John Schmidt]

This is why I always used to let my wife take the kids or out-of-town visitors.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

One of the most endearing traits of children is their utter trust that their parents will provide them with all of life's necessities, meaning food, shelter, and a weekend at a theme park.

A theme park is a sort of ARTIFICIAL vacation, a place where you can enjoy all your favorite pastimes at once, such as motion sickness and heat exhaustion.

Adult tolerance for theme parks peaks at about an hour, which is how long it takes to walk from the parking lot to the front gate. You fork over an obscene amount of money to gain entrance to a theme park, though it costs nothing to leave (which is odd, because once you've been inside the walls for a while, you'd pay anything to escape).

The two main activities in a theme park are (a) standing in line, and (b) sweating. The sun reflects off the concrete with a fiendish lack of mercy--you're about to learn the boiling point of tennis shoes. Your hair is sunburned, and when a small child in front of you gestures with her hand she smacks you in the face with her cotton candy; now it feels like your cheeks are covered with carnivorous sand.

The ride your children have selected for you is a corkscrewing, stomach-compressing roller coaster built by the same folks who manufactured the baggage delivery system at the Denver International Airport. Apparently the theme of this particular park is "Nausea." You sit down and are strapped in so tightly you can feel your shoulders grinding against your pelvis.

Once the ride begins you are thrown about with such violence it reminds you of your teenager's driving. When the ride is over your children want to get something to eat, but first the ride attendants have to pry your fingers off of the safety bar. "Open your eyes, please, sir," they keep shouting.

They finally convince you to let go, though it seems a bit discourteous of them to have used pepper spray. Staggering, you follow your children to the Hot Dog Palace for some breakfast.

Food at a theme park is so expensive it would be cheaper to just eat your own money. Your son's meal costs a day's pay and consists of items manufactured of corn syrup, which is sugar, sucrose, which is sugar, fructose, which is sugar, and sugar, which is sugar. He also consumes large quantities of what in dog food would be called "meat by-products." When, after another couple of rides, he announces that he feels like he is going to throw up, you're very alarmed--having seen his meal once, you're in no
mood to see it again.

With the exception of that first pummeling, you manage to stay off the rides all day, explaining to your children that it isn't good for you when your internal organs are forcibly rearranged. Now, though, they coax you back in line, promising a ride that doesn't twist, doesn't hang you upside down like a bat, doesn't cause your brain to flop around inside your skull--it just goes up and then comes back down. That's it, Dad, no big deal.

What they don't tell you is HOW it comes back down. You're strapped into a seat and pulled gently up into acrophobia, the city falling away from you. Okay, not so bad, and in the conversation you're having with God you explain that you're thankful for the wonderful view but you really would like to get down now.

And that's just how you descend: NOW. Without warning, you plummet to the ground in an uncontrolled free fall. You must be moving faster than the speed of sound because when you open your mouth, nothing comes out. Your life passes before your eyes, and your one regret is that you will not have an opportunity to punish your children for bringing you to this hellish place.

Brakes cut in and you slam to a stop. You gingerly touch your face to confirm it has fallen off. "Wasn't that fun, dad?" your kids ask. "Why are you kissing the ground?"

At the end of the day, you let your teenager drive home. (After the theme park, you are impervious to fear.)

Copyright 1999 W. Bruce Cameron

[firea100]

A God as my witness, I have a friend in Chicago that goes to Disney Land ONCE A MONTH!!!! He takes his Mom and daughter!! I've been ONCE in my 59 years!!!

[John Schmidt]

A God as my witness, I have a friend in Chicago that goes to Disney Land ONCE A MONTH!!!! He takes his Mom and daughter!! I've been ONCE in my 59 years!!!

Can't help but wonder what they have on him to use as blackmail.    I live in the Orlando area and have never been to Disney World except on business for the State, and I got to use the employees entrance. I've been to Sea World once on a GWRRA outing, but it was all prearranged since a member was an employee. When I retired, my office was across the street from Universal Studios....another place I've never been to except on State business. They're all overpriced to the limit....until next year.

[MP]

I see regular, one day, adult price is $99.    :ticked off:   Ouch.

MP

[old2soon]

My youngest daughter(whom I love dearly)and I(2nd ex wife HATED rides)were on the whirling twirling tea cups.  For lack of a better narrative-she got SICK-REALLY REALLY REALLY sick.  The cup we were in and the others were fiberglass and steel and the poor shmuck running the ride had the water hose and leaf blower ready as we were slowing down.  I only had a little of the mookie on my shoes.  RIDE SAFE.

[cookiedough]

We use to go every year to the WI Dells waterparks when the kids were little.  If you find the right coupons, it can be bearable to pay.  We bring our own food and camp out in the parking lot to eat vs. paying 5 bucks for a hot dog or leave and come back at some fast food place. 

One time we went to Gurnee IL at Six Flags on a weekend got a deal for like 25 bucks per person.  NEVER again on a weekend.  The lines were over 1 hour just to go down one waterslide, we left and vowed never to return again.  The lines on the amusement rides were pushing 2 hours long in 90 degree heat don't think so.

The best places we find are not as thrilling of rides, but enjoyable smaller outfits that only cost 10 bucks or so per person per day.  You still get wet and have fun and that is what it is all about. 

[Jess from VA]

I love all wild rides, but hate crowds and screaming children, so I never go anymore.

Did go to the original Disneyland in Anaheim every Christmas eve (while stationed in CA), place was empty by 7P, all kids home, and you could get on every ride in the park with no line.  And, it was the only place in SoCA that resembled a Winter Christmas. (However, if you value your sanity, NEVER get on the Small, Small World.... it's like some kind of twilight zone episode with that terrible song playing over, and over and....)

I remember going on the ROUNDUP in my youth.  Six or seven people all puked at the same time, and no one on the crowded ride was spared.  Apparently, they had all bean eating hot dogs.

[wiggydotcom]

We use to go every year to the WI Dells waterparks when the kids were little.  If you find the right coupons, it can be bearable to pay.  We bring our own food and camp out in the parking lot to eat vs. paying 5 bucks for a hot dog or leave and come back at some fast food place. 

One time we went to Gurnee IL at Six Flags on a weekend got a deal for like 25 bucks per person.  NEVER again on a weekend.  The lines were over 1 hour just to go down one waterslide, we left and vowed never to return again.  The lines on the amusement rides were pushing 2 hours long in 90 degree heat don't think so.

The best places we find are not as thrilling of rides, but enjoyable smaller outfits that only cost 10 bucks or so per person per day.  You still get wet and have fun and that is what it is all about. 

We used to go the the Dells and Noah's Ark also, Cookiedough. I can remember when it only had 2 slides after it first opened. They used to let you go down head first and little did the ladies with bikini tops and halters know that they would soon be separated from said apparel. It was a terrible thing to witness!

[cookiedough]

Wiggy, if you haven't been to the Dells in the past 10 or so years,  you'd be amazed at the growth.  Total tourist trap now unlike 15+ years ago. We never go on the weekends since they want 199 per room 2 queen beds but if you go Sunday thru Thursday the same rooms are 99 per night and waterparks less busy as well.

[Reb]

Every year for vacation when I was young my parents took my sister and I all around the country to whatever park had the biggest and fastest roller coaster. Almost every Six Flags Park, Busch Gardens, Kings Island and Kings Dominion. Cedar Point in Sandusky Ohio is still my favorite place to go today. Always loved a traveling at high velocities.

[Rams]

<<< Absolutely no interest in attending any theme park or any other tourist trap.    Used to work about a half mile from Elivis' Mansion in Memphis.    Dropped lots of folks off so they could go but, not once did I partake of it.    I've been to Sea World once, and Disney in CA once.    Those will do me for another 100 or so years.  

Now, offer me a free ride to the ISS and I'm ready yesterday.    

[wiggydotcom]

Wiggy, if you haven't been to the Dells in the past 10 or so years,  you'd be amazed at the growth.  Total tourist trap now unlike 15+ years ago. We never go on the weekends since they want 199 per room 2 queen beds but if you go Sunday thru Thursday the same rooms are 99 per night and waterparks less busy as well.

We've been through there on the bike a couple times in the last few years but haven't stopped or stayed anywhere. I still have a brother and sister in Baraboo if I needed a place to stay. Most of my spare time is spent at our lake property on Beaver Dam Lake.
I agree that it's still quite the tourist trap.

[musclehead]

I love all wild rides, but hate crowds and screaming children, so I never go anymore.

Did go to the original Disneyland in Anaheim every Christmas eve (while stationed in CA), place was empty by 7P, all kids home, and you could get on every ride in the park with no line.  And, it was the only place in SoCA that resembled a Winter Christmas. (However, if you value your sanity, NEVER get on the Small, Small World.... it's like some kind of twilight zone episode with that terrible song playing over, and over and....)

I remember going on the ROUNDUP in my youth.  Six or seven people all puked at the same time, and no one on the crowded ride was spared.  Apparently, they had all bean eating hot dogs.

I heard about the small, small world thingy from a woman who claimed to have been stuck on the broken down thing for more then an hour. they were all ready to take hostages just for the bloody song to stop.

[Jess Tolbirt]

about ten years ago I took the family to Disney World in orlando during Febuary,, it was great, no lines over ten minutes and the weather was perfect,,we had a great time..

edit: now that i think about it it was more like 17 years ago..

[da prez]

  The first and last time in Disney in Florida , March,1792. wife was pregnant with son and we had twin daughters 20 months old. Stayed at a house trailer about four miles from the park suggested by a gas station attendent . for $18.00 per night.

  Six flags in Gurnee Ill. is 30 minutes from me . I have been there three times. Once with the family , Once with teenage offspring and all the friends for rollercoaster riding all day.  And the third we took an older neighbor lady for her bucket list. It rained just after we got there and the park emptied out. We got all our rides in  before the park filled up.

                           da prez   

[grandpaweaver]

  The first and last time in Disney in Florida , March,1792.

                           da prez   

Man you're old

[old2soon]

  The first and last time in Disney in Florida , March,1792.

                           da prez   

Man you're old

The scary part?? I'M his OLDER brother!  Like I MIGHT be expired and just have NOT been informed as of YET??  RIDE SAFE.

[..]

I like theme parks. I really like them. They should build more of them.

Then more people would go to them leaving the areas of the country I like to visit with less people around. 

[art]

I would rather go to Vegas. At least there I have a chance of getting some of my money back.

[Patrick]

I'd rather go fishing. Like wild rides, take a 25ft boat in 20ft waves. Or, a small airplane thru a level 4-5 t-storm. Maybe even being in a choice seat in a Huey when it takes a rocket in the side or in an 0-1 or 0-2 when you come back with it and have to patching holes.  We don't need no stinking theme parks.