You're An EXTREME Redneck When...

[John Schmidt]

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, leaving nothing but the wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. 

18. Your wife can climb a tree faster than the cat.

19. Another flat tire means another flower bed for the front yard.

20. Your wife made you mow the yard and you found your boat you thought had been stolen.

Two good ol' boys in a Tennessee trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the Local Nissan plant.
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"

[Patrick]

Ouch ! Some of them hurt !

[TJ]

And you know this how???.............   

[R J]

Ouch ! Some of them hurt !

Especially the last one.

[Paxton]

21. Your family tree has no branches!

[BF]

I put new tires on my truck and doubled it's value. 

[art]

21. Your family tree has no branches!

Good one.

[Jess from VA]

Redneck:

Yachting.


Alarm.


Space program.


Kickstand.


Bathing suits.


Diving competition.


Yard swing.


Doorbell.



Mailbox.


Ummmm

[JimmyG]

  good ones...

A yankeeeeeee  from north of the border, (the Kentucky border), New Jersey,  asked his buddy from Ohio,"you know what a girl says after sex in Ohio"? The guy from Ohio  says,what?   Get off me daddy, your crushing my cigarettes!

[JimmyG]

Teheguy from Ohio says,"well you know what they say in New Jersey?, what the Jersey yankee says," get off me daddy, your crushing my cigarettes, and by the way, you aren't near as good as your oldest son....

[sandy]

Mama says: Kids come quick and see what yo Mama did 'for I flush.