Remember Hollywood Squares?

[DK]

Funny responses to leading questions.


>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Hollywood Squares:
> These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood
> Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are
> now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
>
>
>
> Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
>
>
>
> A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
>
>
>
> (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of
> the show!)
>
>
>
>
> Q. Do female frogs croak?
>
>
>
> A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
>
>
>
>
> Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
>
>
>
>
> A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
>
>
>
>
> Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
>
>
>
> A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
>
>
>
>
> Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
> woman?
>
>
>
> A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
>
>
>
> Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
> think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
> married?
>
>
>
> A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
>
>
>
>
> Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
>
>
>
> A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
>
>
>
>
> Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
>
>
>
> A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
>
>
>
>
> Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
>
>
>
> A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
>
>
>
>
> Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
> while talking?
>
>
>
> A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give
> you a gesture you'll never forget.
>
>
>
>
> Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
>
>
>
> A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
>
>
>
> Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
> any during the first year?
>
>
>
> A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
>
>
>
> Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
>
>
>
> A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
>
>
>
> Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps..
> One is politics, what is the other?
>
>
>
> A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..
>
>
>
>
> Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
>
>
>
> A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
>
>
>
>
> Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
>
>
>
> A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
>
>
>
> Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
> do?
>
>
>
> A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
>
>
>
>
> Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
>
>
>
> A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..
>
>
>
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
> habit of kissing a lot of people?
>
>
>
> A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
>
>
>
>
> Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
>
>
>
> A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
>
>
>
>
> Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
> what was he trying to do?
>
>
>
> A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
>
>
>
> Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
> elephant?
>
>
>
> A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
>
>
>
>
> Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
>
>
>
> A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
>
>
>
>
> Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
> actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
>
>
>
> A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
>
>
>
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
>
>
>
>
> A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
>
>
>
>
> WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD,
> WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING
>
>
>
>
>
>

[hotglue #43]

That was a FUNNY show!

[cookiedough]

The original Newlywed Game with Bob Eubanks was another great show as well as Match Game with Gene Rayburn (I think that was his name, been a long time ago).

Both more comical/funny than educational when times were a lot more simpler.

[Jess from VA]

I loved George Gobel.  I remember him on Johnny Carson talking about being an instructor pilot in Oklahoma during WWII .  He said they did a pretty good job during the war, and if people remembered, not one Jap plane ever got past Tulsa.   

[dreamaker]

I know this is kind strange, But I remember this question they asked and always stuck in my head. "Does excessive amount of fluoride, cause a uncontrollable urge for sex".  The answer was: YES! That was a long time ago.

[WNGD]

At the risk of sounding like an old man (Get off my lawn!)
where are the shows today that just make you laugh...

Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
> any during the first year?
>
>
>
> A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

 

[dreamaker]

At the risk of sounding like an old man (Get off my lawn!)
where are the shows today that just make you laugh...

Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
> any during the first year?
>
>
>
> A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

 

My observation, the newer generation have lost their ability to be creative. Us old buzzards, when we wanted to make something, we waited for garbage day and raided the trash for possible parts. Now of days, the new generation have item available and they get robbed of their creative right. So the point is if you can't be creative in the beginning, chances are you will not be creative in the end or be limited. That is why many of the shows today are trash, they try to copy successful shows and movies and fail. We had to make do when we were young and be extremely creative to achieve our goals, which reflected to our successes in our later years. Watch some of these shows on TV it is hard to laugh at it.  Some of the crap on TV today, is pitiful these days. You realize how many award shows, there are through the course of a year. They try to convince us what is good and what is not.  They get awards for doing there job, I never got awards for doing mine. I don't know if we will ever see anything like Hollywood Squares or any other funny show like we had. They use to make us cry and really make us think at the same time.    "RIP, good old days".

[The emperor has no clothes]

There were plenty of dumbass shows "back in the day" also. I don't think our generation was any more creative just different. There are plenty of creative, smart, hardworking, etc. young people today. We tend to think our era was the best but there were plenty of dumbasses back then also.

[dreamaker]

There were plenty of dumbass shows "back in the day" also. I don't think our generation was any more creative just different. There are plenty of creative, smart, hardworking, etc. young people today. We tend to think our era was the best but there were plenty of dumbasses back then also.

I disagree with you, I don't where you lived, but in my area kids were always coming up with something creative. If it burnt fuel, I built one, other kids did there own thing.  Then, it was about having fun doing it. The generations before us, were even more talented then us, I use to sit with the elders and pick their brains, and they loved it, they enjoyed the company.  As a kid I thought one of the best shows out there was, The Little Rascals and Spanky and Our Gang.  I realize they were just child actors, but the people in those days who wrote that stuff encouraged creativity, resourcefulness, and determination.  Now a days, you go to a fast food place and if the registers are down, most of these people can't back count to give change. This is from my experience, going to the fast food places.

[The emperor has no clothes]

There were plenty of dumbass shows "back in the day" also. I don't think our generation was any more creative just different. There are plenty of creative, smart, hardworking, etc. young people today. We tend to think our era was the best but there were plenty of dumbasses back then also.

I disagree with you, I don't where you lived, but in my area kids were always coming up with something creative. If it burnt fuel, I built one, other kids did there own thing.  Then, it was about having fun doing it. The generations before us, were even more talented then us, I use to sit with the elders and pick their brains, and they loved it, they enjoyed the company.  As a kid I thought one of the best shows out there was, The Little Rascals and Spanky and Our Gang.  I realize they were just child actors, but the people in those days who wrote that stuff encouraged creativity, resourcefulness, and determination.  Now a days, you go to a fast food place and if the registers are down, most of these people can't back count to give change. This is from my experience, going to the fast food places.

I would agree that you are not going to find many creative young people working at fast food joints.

[Lyn-Del]

When Hollywood Squares was on in prime time, I didn't understand the innuendos.  Once I realized what I had missed, I wondered (and still wonder) how in the heck it got past the guidelines of the day.  After all, that WAS back in the day when married couples had single beds, and long before Archie Bunker flushed the toilet on TV. 

[BigChris99]

That was the best thing I've seen posted on this board. It made me laugh out loud. Thank you for that. Most of the things on here turn into arguments. The reason we don't see or hear those things on TV anymore is political correctness rules the day. We don't want to offend anyone or any group.Makes for pretty un-funny comedy.  Now days, the networks are trying to see how many obscene words they can get by with on primetime. And, because of the world we live in, not much is funny anymore.

[dreamaker]

I have a over the air antenna, I get about 45 channels, plus or minus, depending on weather. Any how there are a few Retro channels that have some of those funny shows. Even serious ones like, Sea Hunt, One Step Beyond, Highway Patrol. Even some of the old comedy shows, still get a laugh from me.

[old2soon]

That was the best thing I've seen posted on this board. It made me laugh out loud. Thank you for that. Most of the things on here turn into arguments. The reason we don't see or hear those things on TV anymore is political correctness rules the day. We don't want to offend anyone or any group.Makes for pretty un-funny comedy.  Now days, the networks are trying to see how many obscene words they can get by with on primetime. And, because of the world we live in, not much is funny anymore.

            If Eddy Murphy was NOT allowed to swear he couldn't sell out a 1000 seat venue. I grew up on black and white T V and the likes of Red Skelton Jack Benny Bob Hope Jackie Gleason and others of that era. THOSE folks were living proof cursing was NOT needed to be funny. Holly Wood Squares was ALWAYS good for a laugh or three or a snort or blowing liquid out yer nose!  RIDE SAFE.

[Oss]

here are a few clips

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J947DhD7kHc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSkRsciX-gI