This is for all you fellow grunts out there and maybe the jarheads( I meant Marines) too,
I embellished it just slightly but it was true.
The Captain and the Jeep
Korea, late summer, 1953. My medical clearing company was the sick call outfit for forty two different Army companies. The Truce had been signed and we no longer had wounded to take care of.
As a result, the Army had us do remedial medical work. More personnel were brought in to handle this. One of the newest personnel was a dentist with the rank of captain. I found out that he was Catholic which didn't bother me (I'm a Lutheran) but he had an overwhelming desire to attend Mass early on Sunday, which did bother me.
I imagined his first time conversation between him and my motor sergeant went something like this:
“Sergeant, I need a driver to take me to Mass early Sunday. The only place that I can find holds Mass at 8am and it's 10 miles from here” The motor sergeant said something to the effect, “Yes Sir, I'll assign my best jeep driver to you, Corporal Doenges, and have him report to the BOQ (Bachelor Officers Quarters) at 0730.” .Done.
Now, after driving a deuce and a half, then teaching new replacements to drive 10 speed WWII trucks on the hills of South Korea,((replacements that were from big cities and never learned to drive) I had been assigned a much needed break from these duties, driving a jeep for the company commander which was much less stressful and had the added advantage of eating better since the commander, Captain Bigman, was a gourmet and we always drove on 'urgent' business to companies with good cooks, but I digress!
When I heard that I would be the victim of having to rise at 0730 on Sunday morning while every one else got sack time, I devised a plan. Anyone in the Service soon learns to be devious. I learned too.
0730, I drove my fhead new jeep to the BOQ tent, politely knocked on the wood door and informed the dentist captain that I was reporting for duty, Sir!
He climbed on board. Little did he know what was in store for him. Did I mention that, in 1953, South Korea didn't exactly have hilly roads that would meet with the DOT regulations? Loose gravel, no guard rails, steep hills, etc
As an aside, this new jeep was equipped with a grab bar on the passenger's side. This bar was known fondly as “The Holy crap Barl”
Any way, this so called expert jeep driver (me) with the rank of two up and none down proceeded to drive like he had a digital extremity up his rectal posterior. That new jeep was very responsive and I used it to damn near drive off the roads, hit every pothole, went screaming down the steepest hill, skidded around curves in 4wd, sliding almost to the brink of doom, and, in general, drove like I was the worst driver in FECOM (Far East Command).
The captain soon found out that his only friend was the Holy crap bar.
We made it to Mass on time. I spent the time waiting for him outside in the jeep while he did his thing, maybe including praying for a different driver on the way back.
He came out and I swear that he crossed himself before he got back into the jeep. I do know that I made a deep impression on him regarding my driving skills when I glanced at his hands (pure white with a face to match) as I drove back to the outfit. I must confess, I was at my worst, a fine performance!
The Next Sunday, I rolled over in my sleeping bag as the motor sergeant ordered the other newly recruited jeep driver to take the captain to Mass. I heard that the sergeant got his arse chewed by the dentist captain and I was deeply sorry for that...........Sorta.
