News from 2059

[Patrick]

 
Some of these, while funny, may turn out to be true.
 
 
 
 
 
A look in the future!
     
     
       HEADLINE NEWS  FROM 2059
 
Ozone   created by electric cars now
killing millions in the seventh
largest Country in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as California.
 
White minorities still trying to have  English
recognized as the third language.
 
Spotted Owl  plague threatens Northwestern
United States crops and livestock.
 
Baby conceived  naturally!
Scientists stumped.
 
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual
marriage.
 
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will
take at least 10 more years before radioactivity
decreases to safe  levels.
 
France pleads for global help  after being taken
over by Jamaica.  No other country  comes
forward to help the beleaguered nation.
 
Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars
can now be imported legally, but President
Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
 
George Z. Bush says he will run for President  in
2060.
 
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp
to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays
only.
     
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.   
     
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise
is the key to weight loss.
 
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure
for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and
Floruba.
 
Japanese scientists have created a camera with
such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a
woman with her mouth shut.
     
Abortion clinics now available in every High School in
United States .
 
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though
gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are
only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
 
Massachusetts   executes last remaining conservative.
 
Supreme Court rules any punishment of  criminals
violates their civil rights.
 
A Couple Finally Had Sexual Harmony .
They had simultaneous Headaches.
 
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven
inches with only 5 illegitimate children.
 
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by  January
2060.
 
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
 
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.
 
 
 
 
Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you  want,
then, guess what... NOTHING will happen.  No miracles, no money,
absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile or be
very , very  scared.
 
I Love This Country!
 
It's The Government That Scares Me!
Stop organized crime.
Re-elect no one.
     
 
 
 
NOT CONFIRMED BY  SNOPES.
 
Guns   have two enemies; Rust and Politicians  .
 

[PAVALKER]

 

[RainMaker]

President for Life Barack H Obama celebrated his 99th birthday by renewing his pledge that he will continue to work on reducing the $300 trillion dollar debt to a lower level by eliminating the last remaining Air Force squadron from the military.  All military jets will now be operated by the ObamaAir privatized defense contractor, headed by Al Sharpton III.  The Chinese States of America (all areas west of the Mississippi River) approved the plan.

[Valkorado]

The Supreme Court legalized marrying your pet, or any domesticated animal.

[old2soon]

Bein as it's 45 years out I MIGHT miss all dat fun!  RIDE SAFE.