Random thoughts

[Patrick]

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now!
 
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If she is holding a gun, she's probably angry.
 
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
 
I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
 
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
 
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim . I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
 
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet...
 
Old age is coming at a really bad time!
 
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grownup, it just feels like a small vacation!
 
The biggest lie I tell myself is...."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it".
 
I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
 
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
 
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
 
At my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[da prez]

If I knew I was going to live this long , I would have taken better care of myself.

 I am to old to fight , I will just shoot you. I'm old , I was scared.

 What do you mean I was sleeping with another woman , If I was asleep , what harm did I cause.

 So , you caught me with another woman , she told me she was you.
           

                                          da prez

[john]

                          ???