Retiree's have time on their hands

[Patrick]

Yesterday I was at Sam's Club, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had – an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog; I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
 
 
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I was crossing the street and stopped to lick my balls and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. 
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

[Robert]

That was really good 

[GiG]

First time I heard that, it was dinosaur food 

[Hooter]

That is a good one..I do know a guy that used to eat Milk Bones. Never hurt him at all and I don't know why he did other than he liked em. A vagrant I found living under a bridge one time used to eat canned cat food.

[MP]

Nutritionally, the cat and dog food is good for us.  Probably better than what we eat now!

HOWEVER...............................YUCK!

Opening some cans of cat food make me want to Ralph!

MP

[Patrick]

There has been some seniors in our town that have had to eat cat food because they couldn't afford normal groceries.  It was claimed they didn't qualify for any welfare.
Yet those scamming the welfare system could buy any foods they wanted.

[Moonshot_1]

I make a motion that it is no longer permissible to screw up a great joke, or even a good joke with serious political oriented replies. A new thread is required to make a politically based comment on a joke.


Do I have a second?

[BobB]

Second...

[john]

       ???                                     

[Patrick]

OK, third.

[R J]

OK  Fort.

[Willow]

Nutritionally, the cat and dog food is good for us.  Probably better than what we eat now!

HOWEVER...............................YUCK!

Opening some cans of cat food make me want to Ralph!

MP

Yes, I also, Melvin.  Sometimes I can only get it down with an overwhelming sense of will.

Honestly, there's people food we can buy more cheaply than cat food.     (That was to help the guy who needed welfare.)   

[Patrick]

Yep, that was my response. Seems to me that our canned pet food is pretty darn expensive.

[Wizzard]

Our pets in this country eat way better than some people in other countries. 

[Challenger]

Nutritionally, the cat and dog food is good for us.  Probably better than what we eat now!

HOWEVER...............................YUCK!

Opening some cans of cat food make me want to Ralph!

MP

You aint lying Mel, cat food smells the same whether you run it through the cat or not! 

[Moonshot_1]

I work at a food distribution center. In Iowa and surrounding states the Hy-Vee grocery chain is the predominate grocery chain in the midwest. I work at one of the distribution centers.

We handle all sorts of things and pet food is one.

There is nothing, nothing, like a 3 month old broken can of cat food that is dead center in the middle of a pallet. We are talking weapon of mass destruction category here.

[iliveforcurves]

Patrick, you need to put a "no food or drink" warning before the post to protect screens and keyboards.