As I age

[Patrick]

AS I AGE, I REALIZE THAT:
1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.
2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.
3. I don't need anger management.
I need people to stop pissing me off.
4. My people skills are just fine.
It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
5. The biggest lie I tell myself is
"I don't need to write that down,
I'll remember it."
6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment.
Now it's like a mini vacation.
7. The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about.
8. Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!
9. Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes;
come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
10. If God wanted me to touch my toes,
he would've put them on my knees.
11. When the kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please , I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
12. At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

[old2soon]

Farts should neither be lumpy or wet!  THEY keep tellin me what foods are bad fer me-I keep eating that food and I'm still here. And Snoopy said it best-NEVER eat the yellow snow!  RIDE SAFE.

[John Schmidt]

Farts should neither be lumpy or wet!  THEY keep tellin me what foods are bad fer me-I keep eating that food and I'm still here. And Snoopy said it best-NEVER eat the yellow snow!  RIDE SAFE.

Or that big mint someone dropped in the urinal. Or the raisins off the flypaper. Actually got my sister to do that once when she was little. I could talk her into just about anything, told her they were raisins I just brought in from drying in the sun. She lived until age 65 so guess it didn't harm her. The folks didn't find it nearly as amusing after they found out why she was coughing and spitting. 

[Patrick]

Yep, at our age a fart is never to be trusted.

When you see ice cubes in the urinal, not to worry, they are are just storing them there.