Patrick
Member
Posts: 15433
VRCC 4474
Largo Florida
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« on: November 19, 2015, 05:38:18 AM » |
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Everyone needs to laugh out loud at least once a day.
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES,WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN,"WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS?ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROADONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO,WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS"INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD
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grandpaweaver
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« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2015, 06:47:04 AM » |
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didn't laugh out loud but made me smile.
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Isaiah 41:10
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bassman
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« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2015, 07:17:34 AM » |
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G-Man
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« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2015, 09:32:09 AM » |
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IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES,WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
This one wreaks of controversy.
I was having a conversation once about evolution. I asked how it was NOT possible that almost all living creature were once related as we all have one head, 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 nose with 2 nostrils, 1 body, 4 limbs, 1 heart, 1 stomach, 2 lungs, etc.
The reply was the exact statement above.
I then relayed a story of an ape in the Bronx Zoo who walked upright on 2 legs while the others didn't. The zoo employees couldn't figure it out. Why was this one ape walking upright?
The Bronx Zoo is right in the middle of a very urban area and it is only separated from the outside world by a wall. Turns out the ape was walking upright so he could see what was going on on the other side of the wall.
So maybe, a family of apes once broke off from the rest and found themselves in am area with tall grass and needed to walk upright to keep together and to hunt? ? ? ? who knows what can happen over a couple million years?
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Mr Whiskey
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« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2015, 02:11:39 AM » |
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Everyone needs to laugh out loud at least once a day.
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS, AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES,WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN,"WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS?ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROADONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO,WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS"INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD
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Peace, Whiskey.
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RP#62
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« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2015, 03:41:02 AM » |
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Heard Mitch Hedberg on the radio the other day. Said he went to a store that sold hard to find records and tapes. Nothing was alphabetized.
-RP
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Chrisj CMA
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« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2015, 05:23:28 AM » |
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We still have apes, they work primarily at airports handling bags and UPS handling boxes
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bigguy
Member
Posts: 2684
VRCC# 30728
Texarkana, TX
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« Reply #7 on: November 20, 2015, 05:32:23 AM » |
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We still have apes, they work primarily at airports handling bags and UPS handling boxes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C-e96m4730 |
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Here there be Dragons.  |
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Chrisj CMA
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« Reply #8 on: November 20, 2015, 06:54:17 AM » |
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Exactly the image I was remembering |
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