REDNECK LOTTERY

[da prez]

A Redneck buys a lottery ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Little Rock to claim the prize.
  The Redneck says "I want my $20 million .
  To which the man replied, "No sir. It doesn't work that way. We will give you a million today , and then you will get the rest spread out over the next 19 years.
  The Redneck said "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it , I want it".
  Again the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest over the next 19 years.
   The Redneck , furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!!,If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!" You keep the ticket!

                                              da prez

[czuch]

Here's your sign.

[G-Man]

True Story:

Wife was an aide to a wealthy old woman living in a high rise in the city.  They went for a walk and the woman noticed a lamp in the window that her sister just got and the old woman wanted the one for herself.  So they went inside and asked the store owner to wrap up the lamp.  While the owner was taking care of it, he over heard the woman telling my wife again that her sister has the same lamp.  The owner asked if her sister was Mrs. Smith and the woman said Yes.  The owner smiled, said how much he enjoyed meeting her sister and offered the old woman a discount on the lamp.  The old woman snapped, "No Sir, I want to pay exactly the same price as my sister!"

[The emperor has no clothes]

True Story:

Wife was an aide to a wealthy old woman living in a high rise in the city.  They went for a walk and the woman noticed a lamp in the window that her sister just got and the old woman wanted the one for herself.  So they went inside and asked the store owner to wrap up the lamp.  While the owner was taking care of it, he over heard the woman telling my wife again that her sister has the same lamp.  The owner asked if her sister was Mrs. Smith and the woman said Yes.  The owner smiled, said how much he enjoyed meeting her sister and offered the old woman a discount on the lamp.  The old woman snapped, "No Sir, I want to pay exactly the same price as my sister!"