Been around before but still amusing. 23 Adult truths. :)

[John Schmidt]

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.


2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.


3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.


4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.


5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


6. Was learning cursive really necessary?


7. Map Quest or Google Maps really need to start their directions on #.  I'm  pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. Also, did you ever notice they always seem to die in alphabetical order.


9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.


10. Bad decisions make good stories.


11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of  the day.


12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay?  I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.


13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did  not make any changes to.


14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.


15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.


16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers.  I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.


17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.


18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?


20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.  Stay strong, brothers and sisters!


21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.


22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.


23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

(Ladies ... Quit Laughing! )

It just gets better as you get older, doesn't it?

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.  The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.  After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.  I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.  I  suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod (with ear piece) - and how was your day?


(This is what happens when old people start using technology!)

[old2soon]

Let them farts rip and just git that dumb ass look on yer face!   Works best at a friends house if friend has a dog.   OR if a noisy one do slip out look em in da eye and say loudly-WHAT?   I KNOW my memory is startin to act up-had to go back to the Grocery store 2 more times after I'd already been there to get one cursed item. And there is NO right answer to this question from your wife or live in Lady-does this dress or jeans or shorts make my ass look bigger?   RIDE SAFE.

[John Schmidt]

Dennis, you have to know how to answer that question. When my wife used to ask that, I'd simply walk up, reach around her and grab two handsfull of cheeks, pull her to me and say "not from here." Worked every time. Helps if you lay a lip locker on her at the same time, however expect to be late for whatever event you're dressing for. 

With her afflictions, my wife now weighs in at a rompin', stompin' 94 lbs. fully dressed. That means there's no cheeks to grab. But I still give her a pat on the butt quite often as I walk by, lets her know how I feel and I always get a smile in return....a weak one, but still a smile. 

[The emperor has no clothes]

Dennis, you have to know how to answer that question. When my wife used to ask that, I'd simply walk up, reach around her and grab two handsfull of cheeks, pull her to me and say "not from here." Worked every time. Helps if you lay a lip locker on her at the same time, however expect to be late for whatever event you're dressing for. 

With her afflictions, my wife now weighs in at a rompin', stompin' 94 lbs. fully dressed. That means there's no cheeks to grab. But I still give her a pat on the butt quite often as I walk by, lets her know how I feel and I always get a smile in return....a weak one, but still a smile. 

You are a good man John 

[old2soon]

Yer a GOOD man John and I'm proud to know you.  2nd ex ole lady didn't need to ask THAT question cause I always thought AND informed her she had a cute butt.  We were late a time or three!  RIDE SAFE.

[MarkT]

Nah, I just tell her, the pants are fine, it's your ass that makes your ass look bigger.

Did I mention I'm an ass-man?  Like a big ass. OK, not HUGE.  So that's a compliment.  Still I get the couch too often...