Aircraft squawk sheets

[Patrick]

 These have been around a long time, but, I still get a kick out of them.
 
COMICAL INTERACTIONS BETWEEN PILOTS AND THEIR MECHANICS.
 
 
Just in case you needed a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; that's reassurance to those of us who fly routinely.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a 'gripe sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident....

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget
 
 
 

[old2soon]

In the Navy we had a yellow sheet or gripe sheet. While the pilots could notate stuff that could be construed as "funny" the mechs had to stay within Military guidelines. Course I could cut up with a couple of the pilots that had flown over 800-1000 hours. Yer right though-college edumacation to drive it and I was a High School drop out who fixed it.  Should have pursued my A & E license.  RIDE SAFE.

[IamGCW]

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident....

 

Not true.

But funny write ups BTW.

Gil

[Patrick]

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident....

 

Not true.

But funny write ups BTW.

Gil

Yep, this has been around so many times over the years. Usually if I remember correctly this is attributed to Qantas. But I think they have had accidents over the years.

[RP#62]

I've seen some good ones over the years.  Sometimes you have trouble getting past the write-ups from the college boys much less trying to put together a tactful response.

Couple of my favorites

The right engine was shaking like a dog passing a peach seed on takeoff.

The aft galley smells like fish, even when the flight attendants aren't there.

Unauthorized visual material in compass card holder.  OK, that was tactful, but then the mechanic signs it off  - removed picture of young lady with large boobs from compass card holder. (I actually thought this was one of the better uses of the compass card holder in a modern jet since if you've lost enough systems to be down to the wet compass, you probably have a lot more serious problems than magnetic deviation)


But aside from all that, I saw this on a truck in the hanger parking lot:
"God made aircraft mechanics so that pilots could have heroes too"

-RP

[Rams]

Perspective, it's all about perspective.

Being a college educated Rotary Wing Pilot and MTP, I could call BS on most of it but, enjoy.

Just like I used to tell my passengers when I was just a pilot, you don't have to worry about anything unless I tell you to start worrying.   IF you see concern on my face, that's not a problem, I'm a helicopter pilot.   It's when I start screaming that you need to get excited.

#1 Rule of Test Pilots, Always, always take the guy or girl that worked on the aircraft on the test flight with you on that test flight.