Skinhead
Member
Posts: 8743
J. A. B. O. A.
Troy, MI
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« on: April 06, 2016, 03:03:51 PM » |
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"Hello?"
"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause...
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy." "And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
Then Daddy says,
"Swimming pool? .... Is this 486-5731?"
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 Troy, MI |
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czuch
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« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2016, 03:08:49 PM » |
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WOOOOWWWW,, that's messed uuupp.
I cant wait to tell it.
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Aot of guys with burn marks,gnarly scars and funny twitches ask why I spend so much on safety gear
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GiG
Member
Posts: 2892
"That's just like, your OPINION, Man!"
NEAR the "In 'n' Out Burger"
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« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2016, 03:21:03 PM » |
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I don't get it  |
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Everything is - Nothing is .
When you come to a fork in the road - TAKE IT!
(send it to OSS)
This isn’t Rocket Surgery
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cajunito
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« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2016, 03:33:25 PM » |
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Good'n  |
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Robert
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« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2016, 03:50:42 PM » |
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“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”
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DirtyDan
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« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2016, 02:13:37 AM » |
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funny dan
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Do it while you can. I did.... it my way
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jimmytee
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« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2016, 03:10:53 AM » |
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 Stealing
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"Go sell crazy somewhere else,we're all stocked up"
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GiG
Member
Posts: 2892
"That's just like, your OPINION, Man!"
NEAR the "In 'n' Out Burger"
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« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2016, 07:02:58 AM » |
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The little girl changed the phone number?  |
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Everything is - Nothing is .
When you come to a fork in the road - TAKE IT!
(send it to OSS)
This isn’t Rocket Surgery
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The emperor has no clothes
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« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2016, 07:12:49 AM » |
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The little girl changed the phone number? He called the wrong number  |
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GiG
Member
Posts: 2892
"That's just like, your OPINION, Man!"
NEAR the "In 'n' Out Burger"
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« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2016, 07:27:40 AM » |
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The little girl changed the phone number? He called the wrong number How did his little girl answer at the wrong number? |
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Everything is - Nothing is .
When you come to a fork in the road - TAKE IT!
(send it to OSS)
This isn’t Rocket Surgery
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RDAbull
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« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2016, 10:14:46 AM » |
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The little girl changed the phone number? He called the wrong number How did his little girl answer at the wrong number? She knew her Daddy was an idiot and would call the wrong house! |
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2015 GoldWing Trike
1999 Valkyrie Interstate Trike, gone but not forgotten
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Skinhead
Member
Posts: 8743
J. A. B. O. A.
Troy, MI
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« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2016, 02:29:09 PM » |
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The little girl changed the phone number? He called the wrong number How did his little girl answer at the wrong number? She knew her Daddy was an idiot and would call the wrong house! Gig! I didn't know you had a daughter! |
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Troy, MI |
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desertrefugee
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« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2016, 03:22:52 PM » |
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'97 Bumble Bee, '78 GL1000, '79 CBX, '78 CB750F, '74 CB750
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15325
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #14 on: April 08, 2016, 03:25:19 PM » |
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Good grief, the guy called the wrong number. Some jokes are bad, they're even worse when you have to explain them. PS: I thought it was funny! |
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Jess from VA
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« Reply #15 on: April 08, 2016, 05:47:50 PM » |
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If you want some fun, go throw a Baby Ruth in someone's pool.
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scooperhsd
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« Reply #16 on: April 08, 2016, 05:58:42 PM » |
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Coming from someone who has a pool - not funny |
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GiG
Member
Posts: 2892
"That's just like, your OPINION, Man!"
NEAR the "In 'n' Out Burger"
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« Reply #17 on: April 09, 2016, 07:04:31 AM » |
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The little girl changed the phone number? He called the wrong number How did his little girl answer at the wrong number? She knew her Daddy was an idiot and would call the wrong house! Gig! I didn't know you had a daughter! Yeah, she's probably much too advanced for you, though. Even an idiot should figure out you have to have water IN the pool to clean it! |
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Logged
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Everything is - Nothing is .
When you come to a fork in the road - TAKE IT!
(send it to OSS)
This isn’t Rocket Surgery
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RDAbull
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« Reply #18 on: April 09, 2016, 07:40:41 AM » |
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The little girl changed the phone number? He called the wrong number How did his little girl answer at the wrong number? She knew her Daddy was an idiot and would call the wrong house! Gig! I didn't know you had a daughter! Yeah, she's probably much too advanced for you, though. Even an idiot should figure out you have to have water IN the pool to clean it! Oh, come on Gig. How can you spray easy-off on the bottom of a pool if it's full? |
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2015 GoldWing Trike
1999 Valkyrie Interstate Trike, gone but not forgotten
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GiG
Member
Posts: 2892
"That's just like, your OPINION, Man!"
NEAR the "In 'n' Out Burger"
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« Reply #19 on: April 09, 2016, 08:02:07 AM » |
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With a mask and lots of rocks in your pockets. I do it all the time. Well, not all the time, mostly summertime  |
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Logged
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Everything is - Nothing is .
When you come to a fork in the road - TAKE IT!
(send it to OSS)
This isn’t Rocket Surgery
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Skinhead
Member
Posts: 8743
J. A. B. O. A.
Troy, MI
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« Reply #20 on: April 09, 2016, 08:04:02 AM » |
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Here's another oldie, but a goody. (the names were changed to protect the guilty)
IRS agent GIG, decides to audit Grandpa Skinhead, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa Skinhead showed up with his attorney Jess from VA.
The auditor Gig said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa Skinhead. “How about a demonstration?”
Auditor Gig thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”
Grandpa Skinhead says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
Auditor Gig thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa Skinhead removes his glass eye and bites it. The Gig's jaw drops.
Grandpa Skinhead says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
Now the auditor Gig can tell Grandpa Skinhead isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa Skinhead removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned Gig now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney Jess from VA as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa Skinhead asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor Gig, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa Skinhead stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor Gig leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa Skinhead's own attorney Jess from VA, moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” Gig asks.
“Not really,” says Jess from VA. “This morning, when Grandpa Skinhead told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!”
See what I did there?? Apologies to all.
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Troy, MI |
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GiG
Member
Posts: 2892
"That's just like, your OPINION, Man!"
NEAR the "In 'n' Out Burger"
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« Reply #21 on: April 09, 2016, 08:14:28 AM » |
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I hope that desk wasn't ruined. Was it cocobolo? Those are very expensive |
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Logged
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Everything is - Nothing is .
When you come to a fork in the road - TAKE IT!
(send it to OSS)
This isn’t Rocket Surgery
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RDAbull
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« Reply #22 on: April 09, 2016, 09:04:30 AM » |
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I hope that desk wasn't ruined. Was it cocobolo? Those are very expensive Oh, come on Gig. He works for the Federal government, it is a cheep-assed metal deck that will now rust all over the floor. We the taxpayer will get stuck with the bill for the bio-hazard clean-up of the entire floor of the building and then have to replace the desk. |
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2015 GoldWing Trike
1999 Valkyrie Interstate Trike, gone but not forgotten
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scooperhsd
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« Reply #23 on: April 09, 2016, 09:13:13 AM » |
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Here's another oldie, but a goody. (the names were changed to protect the guilty)
IRS agent GIG, decides to audit Grandpa Skinhead, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa Skinhead showed up with his attorney Jess from VA.
The auditor Gig said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa Skinhead. “How about a demonstration?”
Auditor Gig thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”
Grandpa Skinhead says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
Auditor Gig thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa Skinhead removes his glass eye and bites it. The Gig's jaw drops.
Grandpa Skinhead says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
Now the auditor Gig can tell Grandpa Skinhead isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa Skinhead removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned Gig now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney Jess from VA as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa Skinhead asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor Gig, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa Skinhead stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor Gig leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa Skinhead's own attorney Jess from VA, moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” Gig asks.
“Not really,” says Jess from VA. “This morning, when Grandpa Skinhead told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!”
See what I did there?? Apologies to all.
I've heard one similar to that in the past - yes, it is good . |
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Jess from VA
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« Reply #24 on: April 09, 2016, 09:38:56 AM » |
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Boy, it's a good thing my attorney fee was $25K. |
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Skinhead
Member
Posts: 8743
J. A. B. O. A.
Troy, MI
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« Reply #25 on: April 09, 2016, 12:22:15 PM » |
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Boy, it's a good thing my attorney fee was $25K. Yes you were fortunate, I could have chosen Oss! |
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Troy, MI |
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