Swimming pool - joke

[Skinhead]

"Hello?"

"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause...

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy." "And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

Then Daddy says,

"Swimming pool? .... Is this 486-5731?"

[czuch]

WOOOOWWWW,, that's messed uuupp.
I cant wait to tell it.

[GiG]

I don't get it 

[cajunito]

Good'n 

[Robert]

 

[DirtyDan]

 

funny

dan

[jimmytee]

   Stealing

[GiG]

The little girl changed the phone number? 

[The emperor has no clothes]

The little girl changed the phone number? 

He called the wrong number 

[GiG]

The little girl changed the phone number? 

He called the wrong number 

How did his little girl answer at the wrong number?

[The emperor has no clothes]

The little girl changed the phone number? 

He called the wrong number 

How did his little girl answer at the wrong number?

[RDAbull]

The little girl changed the phone number? 

He called the wrong number 

How did his little girl answer at the wrong number?

She knew her Daddy was an idiot and would call the wrong house!

[Skinhead]

The little girl changed the phone number? 

He called the wrong number 

How did his little girl answer at the wrong number?

She knew her Daddy was an idiot and would call the wrong house!

Gig!  I didn't know you had a daughter!

[desertrefugee]

 

OMG!  You guys are funnier than the joke!

[John Schmidt]

Good grief, the guy called the wrong number. Some jokes are bad, they're even worse when you have to explain them. 

PS: I thought it was funny! 

[Jess from VA]

If you want some fun, go throw a Baby Ruth in someone's pool. 

[scooperhsd]

Coming from someone who has a pool - not funny

[GiG]

The little girl changed the phone number? 

He called the wrong number 

How did his little girl answer at the wrong number?

She knew her Daddy was an idiot and would call the wrong house!

Gig!  I didn't know you had a daughter!

Yeah, she's probably much too advanced for you, though.
Even an idiot should figure out you have to have water IN the pool to clean it! 

[RDAbull]

The little girl changed the phone number? 

He called the wrong number 

How did his little girl answer at the wrong number?

She knew her Daddy was an idiot and would call the wrong house!

Gig!  I didn't know you had a daughter!

Yeah, she's probably much too advanced for you, though.
Even an idiot should figure out you have to have water IN the pool to clean it! 

Oh, come on Gig.  How can you spray easy-off on the bottom of a pool if it's full?

[GiG]

With a mask and lots of rocks in your pockets.
I do it all the time.
Well, not all the time, mostly summertime 

[Skinhead]

Here's another oldie, but a goody.  (the names were changed to protect the guilty)

IRS agent GIG, decides to audit Grandpa Skinhead, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa Skinhead showed up with his attorney Jess from VA.

The auditor Gig said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa Skinhead. "How about a demonstration?"

Auditor Gig thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Grandpa Skinhead says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

Auditor Gig thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa Skinhead removes his glass eye and bites it. The Gig's jaw drops.

Grandpa Skinhead says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor Gig can tell Grandpa Skinhead isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa Skinhead removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned Gig now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney Jess from VA as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa Skinhead asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor Gig, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa Skinhead stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor Gig leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa Skinhead's own attorney Jess from VA, moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" Gig asks.

"Not really," says Jess from VA. "This morning, when Grandpa Skinhead told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"


See what I did there??  Apologies to all.

[GiG]

I hope that desk wasn't ruined.
Was it cocobolo? Those are very expensive 

[RDAbull]

I hope that desk wasn't ruined.
Was it cocobolo? Those are very expensive 

Oh, come on Gig.  He works for the Federal government, it is a cheep-assed metal deck that will now rust all over the floor.
We the taxpayer will get stuck with the bill for the bio-hazard clean-up of the entire floor of the building and then have to replace the desk.

[scooperhsd]

Here's another oldie, but a goody.  (the names were changed to protect the guilty)

IRS agent GIG, decides to audit Grandpa Skinhead, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa Skinhead showed up with his attorney Jess from VA.

The auditor Gig said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa Skinhead. "How about a demonstration?"

Auditor Gig thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Grandpa Skinhead says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

Auditor Gig thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa Skinhead removes his glass eye and bites it. The Gig's jaw drops.

Grandpa Skinhead says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor Gig can tell Grandpa Skinhead isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa Skinhead removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned Gig now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney Jess from VA as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa Skinhead asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor Gig, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa Skinhead stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor Gig leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa Skinhead's own attorney Jess from VA, moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" Gig asks.

"Not really," says Jess from VA. "This morning, when Grandpa Skinhead told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"


See what I did there??  Apologies to all.

I've heard one similar to that in the past - yes, it is good .

[Jess from VA]

Boy, it's a good thing my attorney fee was $25K.   

[Skinhead]

Boy, it's a good thing my attorney fee was $25K.   

Yes you were fortunate, I could have chosen Oss!