2 funnies

[Jess Tolbirt]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcxwgbS-4Eg

Hey folks....need your help!! A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl, both box seats. He paid $1,700 for each ticket.
He didn't realize when he bought them that this was going to be on the same day as his wedding - so now he can't go.
If you are interested and would like to go in his place, it's at St Peter's Church, in New York City, at 5pm.
Her name is Nancy, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs., good cook, makes $90,000 a year! She will be the one in the white dress.

[cookiedough]

good one,  in place for his wedding or the super bowl...   

I'd pick the one in the white dress if she makes 90K per year...   

As far as dumping truck loads of dirt at the property,  I would think that is illegal and should be a fine and put in jail if doing damage to others property regardless if not paying their bill with them. 

[Rams]

If your friend will foot the bill for an airline ticket to NY, I'll send my son.   

Oh, one other caveat, if I'm sacrificing my only son, he's gonna have to take me to that Super Bowl with one of those tickets.     PS:  Would appreciate it if my son doesn't know about the SB tickets. 

[Jess Tolbirt]

Two (foreigners, can't say nationality) are lost and starving in the desert. In the distance they see a tree.
As they approach, they see juicy rashers of bacon are hanging from every branch. "Hey Pepe", says the
first guy, "Eez a Bacon Tree, we are saved, amigo!" But just as he approaches the tree, shots ring
out and he falls to the ground. Pepe runs to help his friend. "Quick amigo! Save yourself!" says the
first (guy). "This eez not a bacon tree after all. Eez a ham bush!".