probably me if I took this job

[Wizzard]

So I finally landed a job as a Wal-Mart greeter, which is a good find for many retirees, unfortunately I lasted less than a day.

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. Per my greeter training manual I said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart." "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one is 9, and the other one is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, madam. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

[RainMaker]

 

[cookiedough]

If you left out the last 3 words, are they twins,  you would have been fine and kept that job at wal mart.  Sometimes speaking too many words gets  you into MORE trouble that I know first hand.

NEVER assume something as well gets you in trouble as well.

[wiggydotcom]

If you left out the last 3 words, are they twins,  you would have been fine and kept that job at wal mart.  Sometimes speaking too many words gets  you into MORE trouble that I know first hand.

NEVER assume something as well gets you in trouble as well.

Although the post was very funny, I don't really think it's a personal experience of Wizzard. Maybe just sharing a funny post from somewhere else(I've seen it before a couple times).

[Willow]

Uh ... It's a joke.  I didn't think anyone would be capable of believing that actually happened.   

[old2soon]

Uh ... It's a joke.  I didn't think anyone would be capable of believing that actually happened.   

What-sleeping with her twice?  RIDE SAFE.

[Wizzard]

If you left out the last 3 words, are they twins,  you would have been fine and kept that job at wal mart.  Sometimes speaking too many words gets  you into MORE trouble that I know first hand.

NEVER assume something as well gets you in trouble as well.

Although the post was very funny, I don't really think it's a personal experience of Wizard. Maybe just sharing a funny post from somewhere else(I've seen it before a couple times).

Ya think??  lol  I thought the title of the post kind of explained that??

[Gryphon Rider]

https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3g57mc/first_day_on_the_job_as_a_walmart_greeter/

[Wizzard]

you guys kill me,, I guess no one reads thread titles anymore

[The emperor has no clothes]

Uh ... It's a joke.  I didn't think anyone would be capable of believing that actually happened.   

His comment was even better than the joke. 

[Jess from VA]

Funny.   

Going to Walmart is often funny, if you look for it.

Where else do you see people shopping in their pajamas?

It's like going to the bargain human zoo.   

[The emperor has no clothes]

Funny.   

Going to Walmart is often funny, if you look for it.

Where else do you see people shopping in their pajamas?

It's like going to the bargain human zoo.   

Sadly, almost a daily thing in our grocery store.

[wiggydotcom]

If you left out the last 3 words, are they twins,  you would have been fine and kept that job at wal mart.  Sometimes speaking too many words gets  you into MORE trouble that I know first hand.

NEVER assume something as well gets you in trouble as well.

Although the post was very funny, I don't really think it's a personal experience of Wizard. Maybe just sharing a funny post from somewhere else(I've seen it before a couple times).

Ya think??  lol  I thought the title of the post kind of explained that??

No, I didn't "think". I knew. As I said, I've seen it before. And I certainly didn't "think" you were the orginator as I stated. It's quite old, actually. Evidently, it's new to you though as you're the poster.

[Wizzard]

No it was not new to me,but I wish I had a dime for every joke I have seen here before that got recycled. I absolutely know it was not new. I have seen some jokes posted here that I heard when I was in grade school, but some here never heard before. That's what makes the world go round. 

[Oss]

WHAT ???

Next you will be telling me that the copy girl at the title company is not real

This was her responding to my offer for skipping out for some
ice cream when the a/c went out   WHo remembers the original thread??

[Farside]

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. Per my greeter training manual I said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart." "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one is 9, and the other one is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, madam. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Too funny, Good for you   You obviously have too much class for that  Walmart!  

[wiggydotcom]

No it was not new to me,but I wish I had a dime for every joke I have seen here before that got recycled. I absolutely know it was not new. I have seen some jokes posted here that I heard when I was in grade school, but some here never heard before. That's what makes the world go round. 

No problem, Wizzard. You're right in the above statement. What I was trying to do is let Cookiedough know, in a subtle way, that it was a humor post.
I knew your intention all along. It's all good.

[The emperor has no clothes]

So, Elizabeth Taylor is about to get married to her 9th husband. But she is concerned about her private parts at her age. She goes to the doctor and explains the situation and the Doc says no problem, I can perform a labiaotomy. She agrees but wants this kept quiet and out of the press. The Doc understands and agrees. After the surgery she comes out of the anasthesia in the hospital room and there are 3 bouquets of roses next to her bed. She is furious and summons the doctor. She is yelling at him and asking how he could betray her trust. The Doc tells her his silence was not broken. He explains he got her flowers because it was an honor working on her and he felt bad that she had to go thru this alone. He explains the other bouquet is from his nurse that assisted him, she is a big fan of hers. Liz calms down and thanks the Doc and then asks where the 3rd bouquet is from. The Doc says "Oh that's from the man in the Burn Unit, he wanted to thank you for the new ears".



(No, I'm not a Doc or a burn victim)  

[wiggydotcom]

Good one, Rob. It kinda reminds me of the baby that was born without eyelids....

[The emperor has no clothes]

Good one, Rob. It kinda reminds me of the baby that was born without eyelids....

I don't remember that one.

[cookiedough]

No it was not new to me,but I wish I had a dime for every joke I have seen here before that got recycled. I absolutely know it was not new. I have seen some jokes posted here that I heard when I was in grade school, but some here never heard before. That's what makes the world go round. 

No problem, Wizzard. You're right in the above statement. What I was trying to do is let Cookiedough know, in a subtle way, that it was a humor post.
I knew your intention all along. It's all good.

I knew it was a joke, just stating if left out the twins part,  all would have been fine probably from the ugly mom at walmart. 

[Wizzard]

Good one, Rob. It kinda reminds me of the baby that was born without eyelids....

I don't remember that one.

Is that the one where they used his foreskin,and everything was almost normal except he was a little cockeyed? 

[Robert]

Willow I differ with you on this, with what we see in the world today, its definitely possible 

[wiggydotcom]

Good one, Rob. It kinda reminds me of the baby that was born without eyelids....

I don't remember that one.

Is that the one where they used his foreskin,and everything was almost normal except he was a little cockeyed? 

That's the one, Wizzard!

[Jess Tolbirt]

no one did sleep with her twice, different daddys