The top 5 regrets before dying..

[Highbinder]

I read this article this morning and thought I'd past it on, a lot of it seemed to be right on...

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
 
Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."
 
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
 
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
 
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."
 
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
 
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
 
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
 
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
 
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
 
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
 
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
 
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

As for myself, I don't fall into too many of these regrets...but I have met many people thru out my life that do and I've met a few who live life to their own drummer...good read.

[Oss]

 

Thanks for that. ...hope that.you and L.D. keep living the dream

Oss

[DirtyDan]

I’m looking back now with few regrets

Wishes sure, regrets..... too few to mention

Enjoy your time here

Dan

[Rams]

I believe everyone has regrets, we're human and we make mistakes.

Spent much of my time while my kids were growing up being the primary bread winner doing what I needed to do to support my family.   My only regret is that I wasn't born with a silver spoon so I could have avoided so much of that time at work and spent more time with those I really cared about but, it is what it is.   We do what we need to do to take care of those we love and cherish.   Working hard to be successful was for them, not for my own ego.

Some of the reasons stated are precisely the reasons I retired when I did.   Those kids are grown and on their own now, we're somewhat secure financially and  I'm going to enjoy the time I have left with those that have an interest in sharing their time with me.   Some of that time will be spent riding my Valkyrie, some of it doing other things I consider important but, it is my goal to enjoy what I do regardless of what it is I'm doing.   

Will I regret some of those things?   Possibly, only time will tell.   
Live life to it's fullest, laugh at yourself and enjoy the time you have left.

[DDT (12)]

Interesting reading, Don... thanks for sharing! I'd say you and LD have played the 'hand' you were dealt pretty well. If either of you have many regrets... well... you're still way ahead of most of us, and I salute you for 'doing it your way' and for drinking deeply from the cup of life. As for me... well, I came a bit late to the party, but I'm trying like the Dickens to catch up!

I enjoyed the article... It's good to think about quality of life in a world where 'quantity' seems the only measure of success. Have we actually considered what is truly best for us and those for whom we care? Have we allowed society, peer groups, religion, institutions, whatever to dictate how we should live to the point we miss the things that truly are worthwhile? It's good to take stock now and then... articles like this encourage us to seriously consider where we are in life and to reexamine our priorities... Thanks again!

DDT

[Alpha Dog]

I read this and see too much of me in it and I should know better as I am familiar with this study due to being a fan of Coast to Coast Am and other sources.  I just get so caught up into what is expected.  The good news is we get a chance to clean this up in the next life.  This is not a one and done and the lessons learned here go with you to the spirit world and then hopefully in the next material world,  and as Bob Seger sang in Role Me Away ( love that tune )  " Next time we'll get it right"

Great topic Highbinder.

[Oldfishguy]

Great piece!

[The emperor has no clothes]

1) I’ve always been pretty true to myself. Sometimes that was good, sometimes not so good.

2) I’m glad I’ve worked hard. It has done me well.

3) I’ve never had a problem expressing myself.

4) Now this is the one that got me. I’ve never been good with keeping in touch. I need to work on that.

5) I’m not sure about this one. I’ve always considered myself happy. Could I be happier? I’m not sure.


Great article and great post. 

[John Schmidt]

Seems right on target, however I can identify mostly with #3. Expressing my feelings toward others, especially family members, has always been difficult for me. Probably goes back to my childhood, I didn't have much of it directed toward me verbally although I never doubted my parents love and devotion. As for the other four issues, each one has some element of application albeit rather minor in scope when taken as a whole throughout my entire life.

As with most of us, we've had our day in the sun and if you really sit and think about it, probably wouldn't change much under the same circumstances. In the end, losing two of my daughters to cancer are the only changes in which I'd like to have a "do over".....and I will....one day. 

[Charlie McCready]

I think it all fits Don. Thanks for the reminder.

[Jess from VA]

Me, I'm thinking ..... Well crap.  I thought I had a least two more weeks.  

[solo1]

Something to think about. Tnx for the post, Don.

As I approach 90 I try to look back at the positive contribution that I have given to family, country, government,friends, and church.  Hopefully, that should be sufficient to hold down any doubts that I have had about my life.

[Willow]

It's an interesting read.

A list of what most people regret when facing death is most meaningful though to those who choose to be like most people.  I don't.  I do confess to identifying with not keeping contact with friends.  I don't think it will be one of my biggest regrets. 

[MarkT]

I'm sure to have a bucket of regrets.  Got them now.  I was surprised not to see listed, regrets for challenges not taken.  Got some of them myself.  Immature in my early adult years and a big cause of my divorce.  Distant from family - yep.  Didn't get much love in my formative years so that's my M.O.  I likely caused some of that.  Vicious circle.  I should work to close up family ties with the time left.

[RDAbull]

As I look back over this wonderful 68 years of my life I can truly say that I have few regrets.  As a shy quiet Northern Indiana farm town kid I didn't have much in the way of expectations or plans for my life.  Then I met a young lady who convinced me I could be more than that, and I got to work. I got out of and got over myself, finished my education, did the corporate thing for a few years, finished my education again and set out to start my own businesses. Did I work too hard, sure but no regrets for me.  Both of my Sons came in and worked with me, one decided he wanted to go in a different direction and has been successful at that and the other is my full partner at this point.  I got invited to teach one accounting class at the local university and in the spring I will retire from teaching after 20 years in the classroom.  I have had the chance to influence some of Ohio's best and brightest young people and help them set themselves on a path of success in the real world.

People come and go in this life, some of the ones I grew up with would not fit in the life I have Chosen, they liked the 60s and 70s to much to grow up.  Some have been lost to death, the ultimate end for all.  Miss them, yes.  Regrets, no.  They have answers to things that still await.

My one big regret:  I never had the chance to have a real adult conversation with my Father.  He was killed in a accident when I was 14.  Our time for that conversation will come.

In the mean time, keep on keeping on.  
I do expect to run into my late life hero Bruce in Albuquerque, Birmingham, Charleston, Denver, Effingham,  Farmington, you get the point, sometime on the road.  I will buy the first round.

[art]

At nearly 75 I don't have too many regrets but do wish the spoon in my mouth had a little more silver in it. My Dad while a good Dad and provider was lacking in being able to talk or get close to. Most all he thought about was working and having security an so became a firefighter. It was a good profession but he was gone a lot an I missed him being around. On the other hand I have a son living in Socal whom I don't see very much which is probably good. He is a good father and is successful in his business but is also very hard to get along with. He said he has issues with us and it bothers us because we don't know what he is talking about and to ask about it will cause a big argument. I feel that it will divide us until I'm dead. I do wish things were different but there is very little chance of that.   Sometimes family is not all roses.

[Hooter]

The only regret I have is that I was a work-a-holic and devoted too much time to my jobs than I did my family. It's good now but I allowed my professions to pretry much consume me when I was working. Maybe public service does that to some people?  NOT A GOOD IDEA!