Laxatives...

[DDT (12)]

Don’t use them, myself… don’t need too! Maybe it’s all part of the aging process, and that will be another joyous discovery soon to come my way. However, constipation is just one of the more well-known geriatric issues that hasn’t visited itself upon this diligent practitioner of wind therapy as a cure for all that ails me… at least not yet. What’s more, I don’t anticipate it anytime soon, either.
 
No, for a gypsy biker dude, the more common issue seems to be an elevated pooperosity level while out and about with no repository readily at hand! Now that is something with which I am more than a little bit familiar!!! Funny how we associate certain things and events in our minds… Cause and effect? Coincidence? Age? Diet? Personal habits like over-medicating with grain derivative beverage tonics?
 
I’ve been conducting a little observation lately to see if maybe… well, to decide if bike saddles are possibly any part of that. For several years now, it has occurred to me my Ultimate seat just might have some laxative properties… I mean, I’m more ‘regular’, or at least it does seem so, whenever I’m out yonder. And when at a particularly inconvenient location, well… Yeah, I do realize it could just be Murphy’s Law working its sinister magic; but, I dunno…
 
I have managed to lay responsibility elsewhere beside solely upon that Ultimate Big Boy, however… For about three weeks or so now, I’ve been riding on a Russell Daylong saddle… The one Troutdude ‘loaned’ me that had originally been owned by Lil’ Buddy, Eric. While I have noticed a welcomed increase in my riding range with very positive, tush-friendly side-effects, I haven’t detected any significant change in… the need to stop now and then… Oh well…
 
There is a reason I bring this up… It occurred to me that there possibly could be some on this board who do suffer from constipation… or as they call it in China, 'Hung Chow'. If so, then in the spirit of the holiday season, brotherly love, and in hopes of combating global warming... let me suggest that before you load up on laxatives, you try going for a nice ride instead! And, it might help if you ventured off into sparsely populated areas with few conveniences… that always seems to help me… Good luck!!! You’re welcome!
 
DDT

P.S. If you decide to take my suggestion and act upon it... Remember to toss a roll of TP in your saddle bag before you depart...

[The emperor has no clothes]

  reminds me of one time hunting in Alaska. The blueberries were plentiful and as big as dimes. I just couldn’t resist eating as many as possible whenever I was stopped looking for animals. Well one thing led to another and before I knew it I was in need of some TP. But it was back at camp. As I’m doing my duty, out walks a bull Caribou not 50 feet from me. I didn’t know whether to pull up my pants or to just shoot him as I was. I tried the latter. Unfortunately in my haste I didn’t get a good shot off. I’m sure the sight of a 16 year old kid running after a wounded caribou with his pants around his ankles would have been pretty comical. Thankfully my Dad and brother were over the ridge in a different valley. 

[solo1]

Ah yes, you haven't experienced the 'sleeping bowel syndrome"  and I hope that you don't.

It seems like this ole bod likes to put out all kinds of "What the Hell is that" signals. Traveling arthritis, mysterious pains from all over that come and go, etc..............except the peristalsis action which takes a holiday,  It seems like the bod can't remember the proper way of doing business:  getting rid of solids (hopefully)  but making it up by overacting to fluids ( peeing).

However, in this case, medical intervention has helped. Miralax ( used for colonoscopies and we know that WORKS!) and, in my case, TURP, (whittling of the prostate.

Hopefully, this won't happen to most but I will say this;  The warranty runs out at 75 years, after that nickle and dime stuff.

[John Schmidt]

......Personal habits like over-medicating with grain derivative beverage tonics? (hmmm, whatever might you be referring to) 
 
......or as they call it in China, 'Hung Chow'.

Been a while since I've heard that one!

[da prez]

I have no issues. A good pee at 6:00am , a good poop at 7:00 am. Problem is I don't get up until 8:00am. 
                            da prez

[Oss]

Look at an Alaska Sheepskin its cheap and you just keep it indoors at night so it stays warm.

It has been scientifically proven that pooperosity levels decline when the posterior locations are not freezing cold...

My 01 300M had heated seats.  Proof enough for me of the theorem.  Now I made sure that my Rogue has them also and quality of life on cold mornings goes way up.

In fact I think some motorcycles even have heated seats.  I would love to see heated floorboards myself as I hate cold feet

Rob, thank goodness no pics exist of your shenanigans

[DirtyDan]

TP in “saddle bag” ?

It was in my “oh crap” bag. Back left butt pack

ON TOP, where and when it was needed

Ride on Bruce

Dan

[Gryphon Rider]

A few years ago I spent a summer-fall-winter season helping my brother-in-law survey pipelines and well sites in Alberta.  Most of this work was done on quads, until the snow got too deep and we switched to snowmobiles.

Other than the drive out and the drive back, we were pretty much never any place convenient for a number 2, so the m.o. was to dig a shallow hole (we ALWAYS had shovels with us, as we had to dig to locate survey pins), do the business, then fill the hole back in.  In the winter, this meant first digging through the snow, then carefully placing the t.p. close by, usually on the branch of a bush, but sometimes on the snow that I packed down to minimize contact with the t.p.  The other thing winter-related was that I had snow pants over my jeans, so there was too much bulk to simply squat; I had to drop all my drawers, then with the blade of the shovel firmly jammed into the ground behind me, I leaned back, hanging onto the shovel's shaft with both hands, which came up under my arm pit, then above my head.  When it was time to wipe, I had to make sure I had a really good one-handed grip on the shovel to free my other hand to do the dirty work.

One time I was in a treeless, but rolling field when nature's call became too urgent to ignore.  I found a spot that was hidden from surrounding view, dug my hole in the 20-inch snow, dug a smaller hole in the semi-frozen dirt underneath, and opened the bomb-bay doors.  When it was time to reach for the t.p., as I let go with one hand, and the shovel slipped and twisted, upsetting my balance.  I tipped over sideways, away from the t.p., ending up with my shoulder and side of my head in the snow.  I had to laugh, and exclaim, "Oh, s%&t!", which was highly appropriate in that particular circumstance.

It took a little bit of ingenuity, but because I was quite strong back then, I was able to reposition the shovel to get myself out and taken care of without incurring an unscheduled laundry day.

[Daniel Meyer]

'tis one of the things I love about your stories! It all comes out okay in the end

[art]

One word,METAMUCIL.

[art]

One more,GAS X

[The emperor has no clothes]

'tis one of the things I love about your stories! It all comes out okay in the end

Kind of like a happy ending 

[Jess from VA]

Several words:    Three chili dogs heaped with onions and a 6-pack of beer.  

In the unlikely event you still cannot pass solids.... you are guaranteed to be passing some noteworthy, possibly even epic gasses.

Warning:  I have never understood the science, but healthy amounts of methane gas passed through bathtub water greatly magnifies ordinary potency of aroma.   Care must be taken not to drown.

[Farside]

Staying hydrated, eating fiber foods & exercise.  and I'm good to go! 

[RainMaker]

I have no issues. A good pee at 6:00am , a good poop at 7:00 am. Problem is I don't get up until 8:00am. 
                            da prez

 

[John Schmidt]

Haven't had a problem since I started doing all the cooking. Suppose there's a connection in there.....somewhere?   ???

Jess, your question re. gas underwater reminds me of my three older girls when little tots. We often would put them all in the tub at the same time, no need for mom or dad to get soaked more than once. One instance, my wife and I were in the kitchen and heard this raucous laughing and giggling coming from the bathroom so we sneaked in to see what's going on. As we peeked through the crack in the door near the hinge side, we got a pretty good whiff of meals past. What got them all giggling was the fact that as they let go, the bubbles tickled their butts making them squeal and giggle. We could hardly hold our composure as well and finally interrupted the gala by letting the water out of the tub. That only caused additional tear jerking laughter due to the noise associated with wet bare bottoms cutting one loose against a wet tub. Needless to say, nobody got to sleep very early that night. 

[Farside]

Haven't had a problem since I started doing all the cooking. Suppose there's a connection in there.....somewhere?   ???

Jess, your question re. gas underwater reminds me of my three older girls when little tots. We often would put them all in the tub at the same time, no need for mom or dad to get soaked more than once. One instance, my wife and I were in the kitchen and heard this raucous laughing and giggling coming from the bathroom so we sneaked in to see what's going on. As we peeked through the crack in the door near the hinge side, we got a pretty good whiff of meals past. What got them all giggling was the fact that as they let go, the bubbles tickled their butts making them squeal and giggle. We could hardly hold our composure as well and finally interrupted the gala by letting the water out of the tub. That only caused additional tear jerking laughter due to the noise associated with wet bare bottoms cutting one loose against a wet tub. Needless to say, nobody got to sleep very early that night. 

Priceless John.... love it!