Elon Musk announces new Tesla AR-15

[MarkT]

https://babylonbee.com/news/to-celebrate-move-to-texas-tesla-introduces-battery-powered-ar-15

AUSTIN, TX—After years of fighting lame California politicians who want to lock everyone in their homes so they can't go to space or build cool stuff, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced he was moving to a land flowing with milk and honey called Texas. Almost immediately after the move, he announced a new product the whole world has been waiting for: the Tesla AR-15.

"Um... h-howdy, I think," said Elon, expertly taking on the local dialect. "Y'all want a Tesla AR-15? You got it, partner!"

The new firearm will look similar to a standard AR-15 but will in fact be a battery-powered railgun capable of firing 3 million rounds per minute. It will also feature a fingerprint sensor, Bluetooth capability, heat-seeking ammunition, and a chainsaw bayonet, to name a few.

"We really wanted to re-think self-defense," said Musk. "This new firearm will be the go-to rifle for our SpaceX volunteers when they encounter hostile aliens. It's also a celebration of the Second Amendment. If any federal authorities try to confiscate it, the rifle will automatically connect to the internet and file a lawsuit for you!"

The Federal Government has requested that Tesla at least remove the AI-powered "self-driving" feature on the firearm before selling it.

[scooperhsd]

 

[Serk]

And this one is NOT the Babylon Bee but something he really did:

One of his companies, The Boring Company, once sold flame throwers.

(Although when Australia said that they wouldn't allow flame throwers into Australia, they relabeled it a "Not A Flamethrower")

https://www.boringcompany.com/not-a-flamethrower

[98valk]

C'mon Elon, where is my "plasma rifle in the 40-watt range"?

[DirtyDan]

No flame throwers ?

Any spray cans and lighters ?

Dan

[old2soon]

C'mon Elon, where is my "plasma rifle in the 40-watt range"?

Nppe. 2 megawatt with surround sound and 360 degree all around firing capabilities. Ya know-STOP the zombie apocalypse. Completely as it were.  RIDE SAFE.

[Patrick]

Chainsaw bayonet ?!

[semo97]

It will not be the land of milk and honey, if these companies bring there liberal mind set with them. We have enough of them already. And if the left wins the oil and gas mandates will cut there throats, add the illegals  that will pour into Texas we will be a third world state. His ar-15 is a take off of the mini gun we used in Vietnam. We did 4000 rounds a minute of 7.62 but cut it back to 2000. The mine gun ran on an electric motor and was nothing but a load growl not a single bang was heard.

[Serk]

Chainsaw bayonet ?!

https://www.panaceax.com/killsaw-chainsaw-bayonet/killsaw-chainsaw-bayonet

[Jess from VA]

Chainsaw bayonet ?!

https://www.panaceax.com/killsaw-chainsaw-bayonet/killsaw-chainsaw-bayonet

Fail.  

Kill-Saw© Chainsaw Bayonet - We are down to our last few saws and we will not have more for several months; so if you want one get one now!  $500.00