Colonoscopy and riding?

[Hotrodwing]

This is for all you expereniced with the procedure.  I am going for my 1st colonoscopy next wed.  I had plans for a year now to ride skyline,  BRP the Dragon etc.  I was to leave the next day Thursday.  Will I be ok?  Side effects?   Should I wait a week??

[MP]

Had one about a year ago.  I would have been fine to go the day of the operation.  They say you can have some gas problems as you refill up, but I did not.  You may have different results.

I just would NOT ride the day before!   

MP

[Hook#3287]

Just had my first last fall.  No issues with the proceidure or the after effects.  Doc told me I was a perfect a$$hole.

Was up and running the next day.  Well, not RUNNING - running, but no side effects, or bottom effects, or anything.  No issues sitting, but nothing was cut out either.

Worst part was the no eating the day before and the crap you got to drink to clean out the pipes.

Good luck.

[JDW365]

As a regular participant, once a year for many years, I have never had an issue the next day. Usually good to go later in the day of. Ride with the confidence of knowing you have done something that may keep you riding for many more years and with peace of mind.

JDW

[Jack]

Been there, done that, no problem.

[John Schmidt]

MP is right on target, the day before the only thing you'll be riding is the Ceramic Throne. Don't plan on going to work or doing anything outside the home, just stay home and enjoy your afternoon of stupid TV programs. DO NOT ignore this advice! And, in the realm of TMI(too much info), once things get rolling(for lack of a better term) be sure to wash the exit area every time. Stuff passes through you so fast that the various acids in your system will make you a real "smartest ass" if you don't. Washes those acids right out and believe me, if you don't wash each time you won't be sitting the next day let alone riding. Granted, it's a bit graphic but first timers need guidance. You can thank us later. 

[Momz]

Just don't ride until the scope is removed.

[Skinhead]

Unless they find major issues, (or Jimmy Hoffa) you should be fine to ride the next day.  Ask the Doc that does your procedure, he'll let you know if there is anything to be concerned about.

[Hotrodwing]

HA HA Believe me I am not going to venture to far the day before.  I only hope they knock me out fully for the procedure.  I hope I am good to go , I mean ride the next day.

[Karen]

Witch Hazel, or pads with witch hazel can be used to assist in the prep cleanup. Eucerin (thick white original type) will help with any sensitivity. You will be fine to ride the next day (they wouldn't let me drive the day of). Good luck!

[sugerbear]

kinda depends on how much sedative they need to give you, COULD take a little longer to get it all out of your system.

MOST people have no problem. very few have a little trouble. ask the doc, if it takes you longer to "wake up" then maybe the next day isn't so good.

my experience, maybe not yours.

[..]

Get some Charmin with Aloe and E impregnated. It really helps 

Post procedure. Go home. Go to be. Go to sleep.

Drink lots of water to flush your system

Next day you'll be fine.

[RainMaker]

It is painless and no aftereffects.  I rode the next day.

Good for you for getting this done.  Laser Pat is probably smiling down on you.

[old2soon]

Had mine done at the V A hospital in Poplar Bluff Mo. I HAD to have someone to drive me back home per their instuctions. After i woke up(i was completely out of it for the procedure)had a VERY slight wobble walked to the car and i drove acroos the street to the resturant and had a very LARGE breakfast and i drove the 106 miles home and my brother in law was the passenger. The day and night before the procedure-the cleanout as it were-has already been well covered. As stated-check with yer doc. When i got the cage home i rolled the bike out and did about 150 miles just fer yuks and grins. Zero nada no problemo. You will be fine. RIDE SAFE.

[czuch]

 I've had no problem the next day. I had it done 2 weeks ago.
Eat lots of salad for a couple of days before the colon colapse colyte ops.
That way its easier on your system. Same day, just go home and sleep.
Then after, eat lightly for the first day.
Gut lock aint fun.
You should have no problems. Good on ya for getting this done.

[doubleminded]

Just don't ride until the scope is removed.

Can you email me to ronbayless57@gmail.com some more pics of your bike?its beautiful.I want to use it as my wallpaper on my pc.

[Michael K (Az.)]

Had one last month, Went on a 740+ mile 2 day ride next day.

[GotValk]

Had Mine done last week, It's a piece of cake (well not really ) but you will be fine to ride the next day!
the prep is the worst part . doc told me see ya in 10 years, Glad to have it done no worries

[Michael K (Az.)]

Wow! What a bunch of A**hole buddies!!
And now we return you to your regularly scheduled program.

[cookiedough]

unless history of colon cancer in family, what is the recommended age to get it done?  I thought it was age 50 but not sure really?

My boss got it done age 50 and Dr. said she should get it done annually now since colon cancer runs in the family.  She told me if you ever have to get it done to mix the yucky gallon of stuff to clean you out with crystal light drink mix to help with the taste.

[..]

unless history of colon cancer in family, what is the recommended age to get it done?  I thought it was age 50 but not sure really?

My boss got it done age 50 and Dr. said she should get it done annually now since colon cancer runs in the family.  She told me if you ever have to get it done to mix the yucky gallon of stuff to clean you out with crystal light drink mix to help with the taste.

Don't drink the yuck. Take the pills.

[Hoser]

It's easy if nothing is wrong, they can remove polyps during the procedure, to stop any problems by catching it early.  Normal schedule every 10 years,  five if they find polyps. I have had 2, no polyps either time.  
Hoser

[Hotrodwing]

Thanks again everyone,  I turned 50 last July, lost a friend to cancer and my sister has stomach cancer.  I started getting bombared with messages about getting checked so I figured I had better.

[shooter64]

They won't release you to drive yourself home because of the sleep drugs they give you. A couple hours after the procedure you will be eating normally and be ok. The prep stuff you have to drink before the procedure was a killer for me though.

[fudgie]

I wouldnt ride if they left it in. 

[TomT]

This is funny. Read it and send it to your kids, especially if they are getting close to 50.


   Age is something that doesn't matter , unless you are a piece of cheese
                                                                     Billie Burke


BYLINE:  By Dave Barry, McClatchy Newspapers


OK.  You turned 50. You know you're supposed to get a colonoscopy. But you haven't.  Here are your reasons:

1.  You've been busy.

2.  You don't have a history of cancer in your family.

3.  You haven't noticed any problems.

4.  You don't want a doctor to stick a tube 17,000 feet up you r  behind.

Let's  examine these reasons one at a time. No, wait,let's not.

Because  you and I both know that the only real reason is No. 4. This is natural.

The  idea of having another human, even a medical human,becoming deeply involved  in what is technically known as your "behindular zone" gives you the creeping  willies.

I know this because I am like you, except worse. I yield to nobody in the field  of being a pathetic weenie medical coward. I become faint and nauseous during  even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.  It's much worse when I come into physical contact with the medical profession.  More than one doctor's office has a dent in the floor  caused by my forehead striking it seconds after I got a  shot.

In  1997, when I turned 50, everybody told me I should get a colonoscopy. I agreed  that I definitely should, but not right away.By following this policy, I  reached age 55 without having had a colonoscopy. Then I did something so  pathetic and embarrassing that I am frankly ashamed to tell you about  it.

What happened was, a giant 40-foot replica of a human colon came to Miami Beach.  Really. It's an educational exhibit called the Colossal Colon, and it was on a nationwide tour to promote awareness of colo-rectal cancer.

The  idea is, you crawl through the Colossal Colon, and you encounter various  educational items in there, such as polyps, cancer and hemorrhoids the size of  regulation volleyballs, and you go,"Whoa, I better find out if I contain any  of these things," and you get a colonoscopy.

If  you are a professional humor writer, and there is a giant colon within a  200-mile radius, you are legally obligated to go see it. So I went to  Miami Beach and crawled through the Colossal  Colon.I wrote  a column about it, making tasteless colon jokes. But I also urged everyone to  get a colonoscopy. I even, when I emerged from the Colossal Colon, signed a pledge stating that I would get one.

But I  didn't get one. I was a fraud, a hypocrite, a liar.I was practically a member  of Congress.

Five  more years passed. I turned 60, and I still hadn't gotten a colonoscopy. Then,  a couple of weeks ago, I got an e-mail from my brother Sam, who is 10 years  younger than I am, but more mature. Thee-mail was addressed to me and my  middle brother, Phil. It said:

"Dear  Brothers,

"I  went in for a routine colonoscopy and got the dreaded diagnosis:  cancer.

We're  told it's early and that there is a good prognosis that they can get it all  out, so, fingers crossed, knock on wood, and all that. And of course they told  me to tell my siblings to get screened. I imagine you both  have."

Um.  Well - First I called Sam. He was hopeful, but scared. We talked for a while,  and when we hung up, I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to  make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy  showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all  over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.  Then  Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and  patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he  said,because my brain was shrieking, quote, "HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!"

I  left Andy's office with some written instructions,and a prescription for a  product called "MoviPrep,"which comes in a box large enough to hold a  microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later;for now suffice it to  say that we must never allow it to fall into t he hands of America's enemies.

I  spent the next several days productively sitting around being  nervous.

Then,  on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with  my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken  broth, which is basically water,only with less  flavor.

Then,  in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.You mix two packets of powder together in  a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those  unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32  gallons.)

Then  you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes _ and here I am being kind _ like a mixture of goat spit and urinal  cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The  instructions for MoviPrep,clearly written by somebody with a great sense of  humor, state that after you drink it, "a loose watery bowel mo vement may  result." This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you  may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you  ever seen a space shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience,  with you as the shuttle.There are times when you wish the commode had a seat  belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting  violently.You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be  totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep,at which point, as  far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating  food that you have not even eaten yet.

After  an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.The next morning my wife  drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the  procedure, but I had been experiencing occ asional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, "What if I spurt on Andy?" How do you apologize to a  friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At  the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and  totally agreed with whatever the hell the forms said. Then they led me to a  room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained  space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments  designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel  even more naked than when you are actually  naked.

Then  a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand.   Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already  lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their

MoviPrep.  At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but th en I pondered  what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so  you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice  but to burn your house.

When  everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was  waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot  tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously  nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the  anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There  was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was "Dancing  Queen" by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be  playing during this particular procedure, "Dancing Queen" has to be the least appropriate.

"You  want me to turn it up?" said Andy, from somewhere behind me.  "Ha ha," I  said.  ; And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than  a decade.  If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to  tell you, inexplicit detail, exactly what it was  like.

I  have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,Abba was shrieking  "Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine..."  .. and the next  moment, I was back in the other room,waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy  was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even  more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had  passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal  organ.

But  my point is this: In addition to being a pathetic medical weenie, I was a  complete moron. For more than a decade I avoided getting a procedure that was,  essentially, nothing. There was no pain and, except for the

MoviPrep, no dis comfort. I was risking my life for  nothing.

If my  brother Sam had been as stupid as I was _ if,when he turned 50, he had  ignored all the medical advice and avoided getting screened _ he still would  have had cancer. He just wouldn't have known. And by the time he did know _ by  the time he felt symptoms _ his situation would have been much, much more  serious. But because he was a grown-up, the doctors caught the cancer early,  and they operated and took it out.  Sam is now recovering and eating,  what he describes as,"really, really boring food." His prognosis is good, and everybody is optimistic, fingers crossed, knock on wood, and all that.

Which  brings us to you, Mr. or Mrs. or Miss or Ms. Over-50-And-Hasn't-Had-a-Colonoscopy.  Here's the deal: You either have  colorectal cancer, or you don't. If you do, a colonoscopy will enable doctors  to find it and do something about it. And if you don't hav e cancer, believe  me, it's very reassuring to know you don't. There is no sane reason for you  not to have it done.

I am  so eager for you to do this that I am going to induce you with an Exclusive  Limited Time Offer. If you, after reading this, get a colonoscopy, let me know  by sending a self-addressed stamped envelope to Dave  Barry

Colonoscopy  Inducement, The Miami Herald, 1 Herald Plaza,  Miami, Fla. 33132.

I  will send you back a certificate, signed by me and suitable for framing if you  don't mind framing a cheesy certificate,stating that you are a grown-up who  got a colonoscopy. Accompanying this certificate will be a square of  limited-edition custom-printed toilet paper with an image of Miss Paris Hilton  on it. You may frame this also,or use it in whatever other way you deem  fit.

But  even if you don't want this inducement, please get a colonoscopy.  If I  ; can do it, you can do it. Don't put it off.Just do  it.

Be  sure to stress that you want the non-Abba version.

___

ABOUT THE  WRITER

Dave Barry  is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.   Readers may write to him c/o The Miami Herald, One Herald  Plaza,Miami, FL  33132.

[..]

Ask for a prescription for the laxative pills.

Why drink the yucky stuf???

[Hotrodwing]

My directions want me to take 4 pills at noon the day before then start drinking the first 32oz at 6pm then drink the 2nd bottle 6 hours before the procedure.  WTF procedure is at 8:30 am and I have to get up at 2:30 am.   

[..]

My directions want me to take 4 pills at noon the day before then start drinking the first 32oz at 6pm then drink the 2nd bottle 6 hours before the procedure.  WTF procedure is at 8:30 am and I have to get up at 2:30 am.   

No solids from midnight. So I carb loaded a tad on pasta the evenign before/

During the day i had some chicken boullion, bannana jello and lemon hard candy plus water.

I took a regimen of pills starting at 5pm

4 pills every 15 minutes

Wait an hour

4 pills every 15 minutes.

I was as internally clean as a piece of freshly polished Valkyrie chrome.