Neighbors

[solo1]

Years ago I would've thought like Robert. Not any more. Although I'm a Christian and try to keep the peace. I would now, in this day, have no more to do with him.  As for his little girl, it wasn't her fault and you could tell your kids that but this arsehole could bring all kinds of false charges against you in this day and age if she is included in your kid's activities.  It also sounds like the MOM may have been subjected to verbal and maybe physical assault at his hands.

I have developed a suspicious mind at my age and ,as a result, I'm not as outgoing as I was.

You did right, Gavin.

[The emperor has no clothes]

Years ago I would've thought like Robert. Not any more. Although I'm a Christian and try to keep the peace. I would now, in this day, have no more to do with him.  As for his little girl, it wasn't her fault and you could tell your kids that but this arsehole could bring all kinds of false charges against you in this day and age if she is included in your kid's activities.  It also sounds like the MOM may have been subjected to verbal and maybe physical assault at his hands.

I have developed a suspicious mind at my age and ,as a result, I'm not as outgoing as I was.

You did right, Gavin.

Anybody can bring false charges against somebody. If we as a society are willing to turn our backs on an innocent child because of a possibility that we might have false charges leveled against us, we are screwed.
 As a hypothetical question. If you suspected a neighbor or someone you knew were physically or mentally abusing a child, would you not do what you could to help this child ? I’m not as well versed in Christianity as many here are, but that seems to me the epitome of what Jesus would expect of us. I know I don’t want to meet my maker and have to try to explain why I was afraid of the possibility of false charges. I think our first duty is to protect our family, but surely we can try to help innocent children in possible peril.

[Valker]

Anybody can bring false charges against somebody. If we as a society are willing to turn our backs on an innocent child because of a possibility that we might have false charges leveled against us, we are screwed.
 As a hypothetical question. If you suspected a neighbor or someone you knew were physically or mentally abusing a child, would you not do what you could to help this child ? I’m not as well versed in Christianity as many here are, but that seems to me the epitome of what Jesus would expect of us. I know I don’t want to meet my maker and have to try to explain why I was afraid of the possibility of false charges. I think our first duty is to protect our family, but surely we can try to help innocent children in possible peril.

As someone who has watched society change in regards to kids over the past 40 years of being a school teacher, I would do the same as the OP. I see false accusations brought against elementary teacher frequently-like on a weekly basis. Parents, for the most part, think their little angels can do no wrong. It's not as bad in secondary, but only because its monthly rather than weekly. My whole method of dealing with kids has changed because of this.
I don't see this as a shunning of the little girl, just the dad.

[solo1]

If we as a society are willing to turn our backs on an innocent child because of a possibility that we might have false charges leveled against us, we are screwed. quote by meathead

You have your comment, I posted mine

[Gavin_Sons]

If we as a society are willing to turn our backs on an innocent child because of a possibility that we might have false charges leveled against us, we are screwed. quote by meathead

You have your comment, I posted mine

I'll turn my back all day long to protect myself and family. This statement really has nothing to do with the situation.  I have seen no evidence of any kind of abuse. From what I have seen he is a good father to his kids, just a dumb redneck with a short fuse. He runs his mouth constantly about everything and why he is right and why everyone else is wrong. Just earlier this spring we lost a neighbor due to a hunting accident. Him and his wife complain all the time that the wife is now abusive to the kids and never let them do anything. And it is ridiculous that she goes every night to visit the grave. Little do they know we are great friends with her and the 2 kids and she is not abusive at all. She lost the only other support she had in their home and is now a single mom. Everyone mourns differently. Theteuth is she does not like them and tries to stay away from them. They are just pushy and don't know when to stop. So we are not the only ones that habe issues with them. I felt badbecause my next door neighbor got involved since it was on his property and his girls were also screamed at for playing on their own trampoline. So he had 2 of us yelling at him and telling him he was wrong.

[Mapper]

My $.02... if your kids want to invite the girl, then do it... she's a good girl, right?  You've already proven that you're the bigger man. 

IF anything starts to get out of hand, cut it short promptly with making as little a scene as possible.  If necessary, simply state to him that he must leave.  Chances are that if she comes for the party, her dad won't be there anyway.

Whatever you decide, I hope everyone the best.

[Rams]

Good fences make for good neighbors.   

No advice on Gavin's situation, he has to handle it as he sees fit.   

We also only know one side of the story.   Not that I doubt Gavin but, there are always two sides to every dispute.   I like good fences.   

Rams

[cookiedough]

Good fences make for good neighbors.   

No advice on Gavin's situation, he has to handle it as he sees fit.   

We also only know one side of the story.   Not that I doubt Gavin but, there are always two sides to every dispute.   I like good fences.   

Rams

that fence comment reminds me of that argument my next door neighbor had with me about lot line when he wanted to build a garage and wanted to know exactly where the lot line was.  In the end of the dispute,  he said I will just build a fence then on the lot line.  I said that is GREAT NEWS, then I will not have to look at your sorry _ss any longer.  He did not know what to say after that comment....

[Skinhead]

Relationships with neighbors can be testy.  I guess we are lucky.  My lawn needed to be mowed for the first time this spring while I was still in the hospital.  My neighbor, Joe, mowed it with his rider, no small thing, our lawn is about an acre...

That's called being a good Joe.  We're like that.

[FryeVRCCDS0067]

The same chicken crap that would swear at your kids and leave his family without power while he plays would sue you in a heartbeat if he could.

It sucks for his daughter but I don't see you have a choice other than to exclude her from the party to protect your own family.

[The emperor has no clothes]

I'm surprised at the number of people who are concerned with being sued. Anybody can file a suit against you.

[bagelboy]

I'd be done with them, period. Even if there were an expected apology, I would except it graciously, but still avoid them.

[Serk]

I see no way that inviting the little girl to the birthday party at HIS house is subjecting his boys to the wrath of this guy.

The parent/child relationship is kinda a package deal. If you invite the child you're pretty much, by extension, inviting the parent. (Unless there's been a court order saying otherwise) Where the child goes, the parent can go, and likely would.

[The emperor has no clothes]

I see no way that inviting the little girl to the birthday party at HIS house is subjecting his boys to the wrath of this guy.

The parent/child relationship is kinda a package deal. If you invite the child you're pretty much, by extension, inviting the parent. (Unless there's been a court order saying otherwise) Where the child goes, the parent can go, and likely would.

Its been many years since I had a 6 year old girl. But I don’t remember going to any birthaday parties with her. Maybe I was a bad Dad. 

[cookiedough]

I see no way that inviting the little girl to the birthday party at HIS house is subjecting his boys to the wrath of this guy.

The parent/child relationship is kinda a package deal. If you invite the child you're pretty much, by extension, inviting the parent. (Unless there's been a court order saying otherwise) Where the child goes, the parent can go, and likely would.

not really if local neighbor then most parents nowadays would not even show up and just let 5-6 year old wander the streets by themselves.  See it all the time in todays world parents nowhere to be found and the kids playing in streets nearly getting run over by cars ages 2-3 even.  One neighbor down the street does not even mow their yard and lets their like 7 year old daughter 'attempt' to push the non self propelled lawn mower without even watching her.  Nice parents we have here?? NOT!!

[Serk]

I see no way that inviting the little girl to the birthday party at HIS house is subjecting his boys to the wrath of this guy.

The parent/child relationship is kinda a package deal. If you invite the child you're pretty much, by extension, inviting the parent. (Unless there's been a court order saying otherwise) Where the child goes, the parent can go, and likely would.

Its been many years since I had a 6 year old girl. But I don’t remember going to any birthaday parties with her. Maybe I was a bad Dad.  

I'm sure you were and are a fine father, but my point is not so much that the father WOULD go, but the point is that if you invite the child, you're implicitly inviting the father and all the negativity that he might bring with him as well.

If he goes or not is immaterial, by inviting the child you're opening the door to the father as well, and the positive of brightening this child's day (Which is a VERY worthy positive IMHO!) is not worth the negative of giving an opportunity to the father to darken many children's day.

[The emperor has no clothes]

I see no way that inviting the little girl to the birthday party at HIS house is subjecting his boys to the wrath of this guy.

The parent/child relationship is kinda a package deal. If you invite the child you're pretty much, by extension, inviting the parent. (Unless there's been a court order saying otherwise) Where the child goes, the parent can go, and likely would.

Its been many years since I had a 6 year old girl. But I don’t remember going to any birthaday parties with her. Maybe I was a bad Dad.  

I'm sure you were and are a fine father, but my point is not so much that the father WOULD go, but the point is that if you invite the child, you're implicitly inviting the father and all the negativity that he might bring with him as well.

If he goes or not is immaterial, by inviting the child you're opening the door to the father as well, and the positive of brightening this child's day (Which is a VERY worthy positive IMHO!) is not worth the negative of giving an opportunity to the father to darken many children's day.

You might be right. But, I think he is probably a bully and a coward. Yelling at kids and women seem to be his forte. I doubt he’d come over knowing the man of the house would be there. It’s a choice I’d be willing to take. We all have to make our own decisions.

[Gavin_Sons]

I see no way that inviting the little girl to the birthday party at HIS house is subjecting his boys to the wrath of this guy.

The parent/child relationship is kinda a package deal. If you invite the child you're pretty much, by extension, inviting the parent. (Unless there's been a court order saying otherwise) Where the child goes, the parent can go, and likely would.

Its been many years since I had a 6 year old girl. But I don’t remember going to any birthaday parties with her. Maybe I was a bad Dad.  

I'm sure you were and are a fine father, but my point is not so much that the father WOULD go, but the point is that if you invite the child, you're implicitly inviting the father and all the negativity that he might bring with him as well.

If he goes or not is immaterial, by inviting the child you're opening the door to the father as well, and the positive of brightening this child's day (Which is a VERY worthy positive IMHO!) is not worth the negative of giving an opportunity to the father to darken many children's day.

You might be right. But, I think he is probably a bully and a coward. Yelling at kids and women seem to be his forte. I doubt he’d come over knowing the man of the house would be there. It’s a choice I’d be willing to take. We all have to make our own decisions.

You bring up an interesting fact. He claimed he was bullied in school and was not going to let it happen to his daughter. Which she was not bullied, and if I thought my boys were bulling her I would have their asses. So in turn he bullied  little kids. I asked him since he was bullied he thought it was ok to bully kids because he is too coward to go get an adult to handle the situation. It's  ok, it's  all in the past now. There is no chance of his daughter coming to the birthday party even if she was invited. He abused my good nature and now he is done.

[¿spoom]

FWIW, I think it would have been a proper gesture to invite the daughter to the party if she would have been invited before this trampoline episode. It's hard on children when adults argue, divorce, yell, whatever, followed by some sort of punishment on the kids (perceived or real). Hatfields & McCoys probably could have ended in one generation if the kids had been off limits. Probably not a real big deal in this case, so please take it with as little weight as it deserves.

[Bighead]

Gotta agree with Gavin on this on ( as I do on most things) the father is an a-hole and will find any reason to stir the pot......his little girl may but heart broken over not getting to go to the party bit thet is on her dad not Gavin.  I dont like to see kids left out anymore than anyone else but this is the correct decision. IMHO.

[JimmyG]

Dang Gavin, I feel you brother.  We had a neighbor totally destroy our relationship and several young boys due to his reaction to a situation years ago. My boy and his friends were in the wrong. I made the boys correct the problem and apologize for their behaviour. The neighbor remained a butt head and still does remain one, as my daughter lives in that same house now, with her four children. It's been 15 years since that little incident and he still holds a grudge and treats my daughter and her kids with contempt.  She never has done anything, it was my son and his friends. Just shows you, some people are just dumb redneck, grudge holding simple minded idiots, and will never change.   Even after trying to heal old wounds, he will not budge from his position.  My advice to her is just smile, be the bigger person, be nice,  but leave them to stew alone in their self righteousness. 
I hope everything works out for the best for all concerned. 

[threevalks]

    I agree with Gavin. Leave them ALL alone.
 I don't have these problems and never will, my nearest full time neighbor at the farm is over a mile away, Nearest part time neighbor, over a third mile on next property line. The farm is two mile out, at the end of a dead end road. You could not pay me to live in town.

[hubcapsc]

The farm is two mile out, at the end of a dead end road. You could not pay me to live in town.

You only have to go 1/2 mile down my dead end road, but 

-Mike "my neighbors are awesome..."