Rams
Member
Posts: 16160
So many colors to choose from yet so few stand out
Covington, TN
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« on: November 15, 2021, 05:49:16 PM » |
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Bring them on:
On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me.
I had no idea I was Japanese.
Rams
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« Last Edit: January 19, 2023, 05:15:35 PM by Rams »
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VRCC# 29981
Learning the majority of life's lessons the hard way.
Every trip is an adventure, enjoy it while it lasts.
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Grandpot
Member
Posts: 630
Rolling Thunder South Carolina Chapter 1
Fort Mill, South Carolina
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« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2021, 05:56:27 PM » |
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Why was Jesus born in a stable? Mary and Joseph had Obama Care.
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 Experience is recognizing the same mistake every time you make it. |
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msb
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« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2021, 06:12:31 PM » |
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Mike
'99 Red & Black IS
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Chrisj CMA
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« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2021, 06:22:36 PM » |
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A man married his HS sweetheart right out of school. Without telling his bride he saved $20 from every paycheck and stashed the dough under the mattress.
He revealed this to his wife on his death bed and made her promise to put the money in his casket so he could take it with him.
After he died she retrieved thousands and deposited it in the bank. She then wrote out a check for the exact amount and placed it with his body in the casket at the church.
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Serk
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« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2021, 06:27:39 PM » |
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Never ask a geek 'Why?',just nod your head and slowly back away...  IBA# 22107 VRCC# 7976 VRCCDS# 226 1998 Valkyrie Standard 2008 Gold Wing Taxation is theft. μολὼν λαβέ |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2021, 06:54:35 PM » |
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My neighbors have been complaining about all the moaning and groaning going on in the morning when im having sex…..if they only knew .……all i was doing was trying to put my socks on.
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ridingron
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« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2021, 08:15:30 PM » |
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Every now and then you should get up and see what the dog is barking about.  |
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ridingron
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« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2021, 08:18:33 PM » |
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A favorite of mine.  Yeah, I'm a little warped. |
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« Last Edit: November 15, 2021, 08:47:30 PM by ridingron »
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ridingron
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« Reply #8 on: November 15, 2021, 08:20:36 PM » |
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If I had a twin ...  |
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pais
Member
Posts: 723
One more turn should do it!
Kent, Ohio
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« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2021, 02:54:34 AM » |
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My wife and I attended a sex symposium recently.
During the professors lecture on female orgasms. He asked the ladies if they knew what their a**ho*e is doing when they are having an orgasm?
One woman raised her hand and said, "he's usually out hunting or fishing"
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Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it!  |
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Wizzard
Member
Posts: 4043
Bald River Falls
Valparaiso IN
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« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2021, 06:26:58 AM » |
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Three stages of a man's sex life
1. Tri weekly
2. Try weekly
3. Try weakly
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2021, 03:17:50 PM » |
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A favorite of mine. Yeah, I'm a little warped. Guess I am too...I like it.  |
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valkmc
Member
Posts: 619
Idaho??
Ocala/Daytona Fl
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« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2021, 04:50:12 PM » |
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I don't know what kind of sex makes a man want to have a joint account but I haven't had it yet!!
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2013 Black and Red F6B (Gone)
2016 1800 Gold Wing (Gone)
1997 Valkyrie Tourer
2018 Gold Wing Non Tour
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valkmc
Member
Posts: 619
Idaho??
Ocala/Daytona Fl
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« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2021, 12:48:23 AM » |
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I don't know what kind of sex makes a man want to have a joint account but I haven't had it yet!!
I assume you mean "banking"? Rams Yep |
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2013 Black and Red F6B (Gone)
2016 1800 Gold Wing (Gone)
1997 Valkyrie Tourer
2018 Gold Wing Non Tour
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DIGGER
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« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2021, 05:10:48 AM » |
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A guy calls his wife and says “honey, I’ve had an accident. But the Emergency Room Doc says I’m gonna survive. I fell off a scaffold and landed on the concrete on my back. Amanda had to take me to the ER. Ive got 2 herneated disc’s, a broken right arm, a broken left leg, a lacerated scalp, and 2 broken fingers.”
The wife replied” Who to hell is Amanda?”
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pais
Member
Posts: 723
One more turn should do it!
Kent, Ohio
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« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2021, 03:01:31 PM » |
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A guy calls his wife and says “honey, I’ve had an accident. But the Emergency Room Doc says I’m gonna survive. I fell off a scaffold and landed on the concrete on my back. Amanda had to take me to the ER. Ive got 2 herneated disc’s, a broken right arm, a broken left leg, a lacerated scalp, and 2 broken fingers.”
The wife replied” Who to hell is Amanda?”
When did this happen to you Digger? I am sure this is not a joke. About 95% of the time that is the exact response men will get from their wife, GF, etc. |
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Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it! |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #16 on: November 17, 2021, 03:22:49 PM » |
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A guy calls his wife and says “honey, I’ve had an accident. But the Emergency Room Doc says I’m gonna survive. I fell off a scaffold and landed on the concrete on my back. Amanda had to take me to the ER. Ive got 2 herneated disc’s, a broken right arm, a broken left leg, a lacerated scalp, and 2 broken fingers.”
The wife replied” Who to hell is Amanda?”
When did this happen to you Digger? I am sure this is not a joke. About 95% of the time that is the exact response men will get from their wife, GF, etc. ha...aint that the truth! |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #17 on: November 17, 2021, 03:25:29 PM » |
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Jess from VA
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« Reply #18 on: November 17, 2021, 05:04:54 PM » |
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Psychotic Bovine
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« Reply #19 on: November 17, 2021, 06:52:35 PM » |
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This is one of my favorite jokes, but I can never tell it in person.
---------------
A guy owns a horse stud farm. One day a friend phones him up , "I've sent a dwarf with a speech impediment to see you. He wants to buy a horse". Sure enough the dwarf turns up.
Dwarf asks "I want to buy a horth"
The owner asks him "Do you want a male horse or a female horse ?"
The Dwarf replies "A female horth"
The owner shows him a Mare.
"Nithe Horth" says the Dwarf, "can I thee her eyth?" The owner picks up the Dwarf to show him the Horses eyes.
"Nithe eyth" says the Dwarf "can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.
"Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?" The Dwarf asks. By now the owner is getting a little fed up, but again picks up the Dwarf to show him the horses ears.
"Nithe eerth," he says "Can I see her twot?" With this the owner picks up the Dwarf and shoves his head deep between the horse's legs, holding him there for a second before pulling him out & putting down.
"Perhaps I should rephrathe that" said the Dwarf, "can I see her wun awound?"
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"I aim to misbehave."
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ridingron
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« Reply #20 on: November 17, 2021, 07:19:03 PM » |
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If evolution doesn't exist, how is it that buffaloes now have wings and chickens have fingers?
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Mooskee
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« Reply #21 on: November 17, 2021, 08:10:19 PM » |
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A Buddhist monk walks up to a hotdog vender and says, “Make me one with everything.”
The vendor hands the monk the hotdog.
The monk hands the vendor a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in his pocket.
The monk says, “Hey, where’s my change?”
The vendor replies, “Change comes from within.”
The monk pulls open his robe and a pistol emerges from his chest.
The vendor exclaims, “Hey man what is this?”
The monk says, “It’s my inner piece.”
The vendor gives him his change.
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« Last Edit: November 17, 2021, 08:12:29 PM by Mooskee »
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ridingron
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« Reply #22 on: November 18, 2021, 06:33:28 PM » |
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For you truck guys.  |
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ridingron
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« Reply #23 on: November 18, 2021, 06:36:13 PM » |
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Don't blame lazy people.  |
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ridingron
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« Reply #24 on: November 18, 2021, 07:08:18 PM » |
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Then again ...  |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #25 on: November 19, 2021, 09:16:16 PM » |
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By replacing candy bars and potato chips
With grapefruit you can lose up to 90%
Of what pleasure you have left in life.
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DIGGER
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« Reply #26 on: November 19, 2021, 09:23:35 PM » |
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Wife: “I dreamed last night I was in China”
Husband: “I dreamed I was in bed with 3 different women”
Wife: “Was I one of them?”
Husband: “No…you were in China”
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ridingron
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« Reply #27 on: November 20, 2021, 10:17:44 PM » |
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For those with a little class...  |
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ridingron
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« Reply #28 on: November 20, 2021, 10:23:03 PM » |
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Am I the only one?  |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #29 on: November 20, 2021, 11:46:41 PM » |
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A very sick guy goes to the doctor. The doctor runs a bunch of tests and has a conference with the patient. The doctor says “I have some bad news. You are really in bad shape. You have Aids, yellow fever, leprosy, herpes, cancer, and you test positive for Covid. “. The guy asks the doctor “what are we gonna do doc?” The doc says “well…the first thing we are going to do is put you in isolation, then we are going to put you on a strict diet of ‘Pancakes’ and ‘Flounder’’. The guy asks the doc “ Will that cure me Doc?” The doctor says “ No….that is all we can slide under the door.”
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ridingron
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« Reply #30 on: November 21, 2021, 01:31:27 PM » |
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An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which probably allows you about another 6 weeks to live."
"But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"
After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day."
Excitedly Bill asked, "And that will cure me?"
"No," replied the doctor, "but it will get you used to the dirt."
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #31 on: November 22, 2021, 12:08:17 PM » |
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Had to chuckle at a son-in-law a while back. Seems my grandson told him "dad, here's a neat picture someone took of a frickin elephant." To which his dad responded "David, we don't use that kind of language in this house." David..."OK, but here's the picture anyway." And sure enough, there it was...an African elephant. Guess it depends on if you put the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LA-ble.  |
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Mooskee
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« Reply #32 on: November 22, 2021, 08:32:54 PM » |
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How to get to Heaven from Ireland : A true story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher.
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven? ' ' NO! ' the children answered.
If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?' Again, the answer was ' NO! '
If I gave sweets to all the children,
and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?
Again, they all answered ' NO! '
I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, ' Then how can I get into heaven? '
A little boy shouted out: "YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN ' DEAD...."
It's a curious race, the Irish.
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #33 on: November 22, 2021, 08:55:26 PM » |
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Mooskee, when I still lived in Florida we lived on a golf course and played regularly with a couple neighbors...one was a transplanted Irishman. The "F" term used in your story reminded me of how he would express himself after making a poor golf shot...and it sure didn't stop with that one word. By the time we hit about hole #3 or 4, he would have me rolling on the green. Great guy, lovely little wife, but oh my...his vocabulary when he got pissed and all with that thick Irish brogue! |
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csj
Member
Posts: 992
I used to be a wolfboy, but I'm alright NOOOOOWWWW
Peterborough Ontario Canada
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« Reply #34 on: November 23, 2021, 06:47:36 AM » |
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My lady and I are in our sixties. We were in the basement cleaning, getting a bit hot and sweaty.
I said 'Babe, ya wanna go upstairs and make love?'
She said 'Honey, I cant do both!'
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A guy called me a Ba$tard, I said in my case it's an accident
of birth, in your case you're a self made man.
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JimC
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« Reply #35 on: November 23, 2021, 07:19:57 AM » |
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Jim Callaghan SE Wisconsin
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Jess from VA
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« Reply #36 on: November 23, 2021, 07:30:27 AM » |
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csj
Member
Posts: 992
I used to be a wolfboy, but I'm alright NOOOOOWWWW
Peterborough Ontario Canada
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« Reply #37 on: November 23, 2021, 07:30:59 AM » |
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I AM A SEENAGER (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later.
• I don’t have to go to school or work.
• I get an allowance every month.
• I have my own pad.
• I don’t have a curfew.
• I have a driver’s license and my own car.
• And I don’t have acne.
Life is Good!
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A guy called me a Ba$tard, I said in my case it's an accident
of birth, in your case you're a self made man.
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Skinhead
Member
Posts: 8724
J. A. B. O. A.
Troy, MI
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« Reply #38 on: November 23, 2021, 04:57:48 PM » |
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Here's a joke for you:
Biden won far and square.
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Moonshot_1
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« Reply #39 on: November 23, 2021, 05:49:33 PM » |
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...so, I took her to the gas station.... .....and that's when the fight started ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream....... .......and that's when the fight started
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, “Unbutton your shirt” So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me and she processed my S.S. application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the SS office. She said 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too! .........and that's when the fight started.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes', I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' ............and that's when the fight started...... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. (You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?) Yeah, well I couldn't believe it....he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you??' ............and that's when the fight started......
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down over one breast, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'That was wonderful. Why did you stop?
I found the remote,' he said. ......and that's when the fight started
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.
In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'
That's when the fight started
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Mike Luken
Cherokee, Ia.
Former Iowa Patriot Guard Ride Captain
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