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DIGGER
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« Reply #1120 on: November 24, 2024, 09:11:58 PM » |
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My Dad told my son that he was the best dishwasher ever....., then leaned over to me and said if you brag on a kid he wont mind doing a chore....and suddenly I'm wondering if I really WAS the BEST grass puller he ever saw when I was growing up....
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« Last Edit: November 24, 2024, 09:13:30 PM by DIGGER »
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1121 on: December 04, 2024, 05:22:47 AM » |
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Little old gray haired lady called her neighbor and said "can you come over and help me get my new picture puzzle started? Its the picture of a big multi colored farm Rooster." So the neighbor comes over and sets down at the table and looks at all the pieces scattered around the table....reaches over and takes the old ladies hands and says "Honey...I want you to relax...take a deep breath....and you can help me put these corn flakes back in the box....
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henry 008
Member
Posts: 1523
BRP
willard, oh
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« Reply #1122 on: December 04, 2024, 12:25:19 PM » |
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Christmas came early this year for Hunter B Tyrus on "Gutfeld" talks about it. Fun starts at 2:30 in... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltONF0LH3ec  |
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Safe Winds... Brother  |
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da prez
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« Reply #1123 on: December 09, 2024, 04:53:41 PM » |
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Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the garage , not a creature was stirring , not even the new Dodge.
The tires were hung on the wall with care , hoping St.Nick will fill them with air.
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1124 on: December 17, 2024, 08:15:32 AM » |
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Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for 3 days and see who is the happiest to see you when you come back.....
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da prez
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« Reply #1125 on: December 19, 2024, 02:15:13 PM » |
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Twas the night before Christmas and everyone was feeling Mary. (until she left)
Everyone jumped for Joy. (she left too)
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1127 on: December 29, 2024, 05:54:49 AM » |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1128 on: December 29, 2024, 06:42:31 AM » |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1130 on: January 01, 2025, 06:43:54 AM » |
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I got so drunk last nite....
I walked across the dance floor to go buy another beer....
and won the dance contest...
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da prez
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« Reply #1131 on: January 05, 2025, 06:16:44 PM » |
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My vacuum cleaner stopped working.
I took it to get it fixed.
They put a Bears jersey on it.
Now it sucks,
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1132 on: January 09, 2025, 08:39:50 AM » |
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At the pub last night I held the door open for a beautiful blonde. My wife got mad and said "you never hold the door open for me!!". I said "oh yeah.... what about the time you threatened to leave?"
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h13man
Member
Posts: 1745
To everything there is an exception.
Indiana NW Central Flatlands
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« Reply #1133 on: January 19, 2025, 08:46:42 AM » |
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da prez
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« Reply #1134 on: January 19, 2025, 04:43:06 PM » |
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How do you find a blind man at a nude beach? "It's not hard" !
Blond goes to a costume party. Sees a man nude except for a glass jar over his penis.
What are you dressed as , she asked. A fireman he replied.
What do you mean a fireman? Break the glass , pull the knob , I'll come as fast as I can!
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1135 on: January 20, 2025, 04:21:13 AM » |
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According to the medical weight to height ratio I should be 8'2".....
I'm thinking I dont have a "weight" problem...I have a "height" problem...
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da prez
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« Reply #1136 on: January 20, 2025, 06:59:44 AM » |
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A little girl goes into a public restroom and a guy that identifies as a girl follows. The little girl comes out.
The guy /girl comes out with his teeth knocked out. The girls father identifies as a dentist!
da prez
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da prez
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« Reply #1137 on: January 20, 2025, 04:11:03 PM » |
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I applied to become a democrat. I was denied because my parents were legally married to each other.
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1138 on: January 24, 2025, 05:04:25 AM » |
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Remember now....you can pretend to be a girl all you want....but at the age of 40 you are still going to need to have a prostate exam.
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1139 on: January 24, 2025, 07:02:30 AM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1140 on: January 24, 2025, 07:07:07 AM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1141 on: January 24, 2025, 07:10:30 AM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1142 on: January 24, 2025, 02:55:20 PM » |
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Trace...you crack me up sometimes!  |
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1143 on: January 24, 2025, 03:59:43 PM » |
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I hope ya had the sound on....  |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1144 on: January 24, 2025, 08:53:07 PM » |
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I hope ya had the sound on.... Oh yes!  |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1145 on: January 27, 2025, 08:04:31 AM » |
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Electric vehicles should only be allowed to charge their batteries by wind and solar power......
Otherwise its only pretending....
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Willow
Administrator
Member
Posts: 16590
Excessive comfort breeds weakness. PttP
Olathe, KS
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« Reply #1146 on: January 27, 2025, 08:23:16 AM » |
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Electric vehicles should only be allowed to charge their batteries by wind and solar power......
Otherwise its only pretending....
I'm not sure that's a joke.  |
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1147 on: January 27, 2025, 11:32:49 AM » |
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Electric vehicles should only be allowed to charge their batteries by wind and solar power......
Otherwise its only pretending....
I'm not sure that's a joke. True...but the electric vehicles are. |
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da prez
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« Reply #1148 on: January 29, 2025, 01:01:21 PM » |
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What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
da prez
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1149 on: January 30, 2025, 04:45:01 PM » |
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1150 on: January 31, 2025, 11:31:29 AM » |
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My wife said "Women are better at multi-tasking than men!"
So I asked her to sit down and shut up....she couldnt do neither....
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John Schmidt
Member
Posts: 15193
a/k/a Stuffy. '99 I/S Valk Roadsmith Trike
De Pere, WI (Green Bay)
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« Reply #1151 on: January 31, 2025, 04:31:19 PM » |
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Guy tells his wife if she rubbed some toilet paper on her chest between her boobs it would make them bigger. She scoffs at him, wondering where he got that crazy idea. He said "well, it worked on your butt!"
Funeral is next Saturday.
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1152 on: February 05, 2025, 02:41:17 PM » |
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1153 on: February 06, 2025, 06:24:45 AM » |
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Wife: "My husband is not capable of having an affair....
I would have to line it out for him and then remind him to go...."
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1154 on: February 07, 2025, 07:31:31 AM » |
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Michael Berry said he has a friend in the FBI that was on stage with Trump when he got shot in the ear. The guy said when the shot rang out he grabbed Trump and started hollering "MICKY MOUSE!!!! MICKEY MOUSE!!!!
Michael Berry asked "Why did you do that?The FBI guy said "Well....in the excitement I got mixed up....I meant to holler
DONALD DUCK!!!!
DONALD DUCK!!!...."
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da prez
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« Reply #1155 on: February 14, 2025, 06:02:57 AM » |
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So my girlfriend wanted something rare and expensive for Valentine's day.
I got her a dozen eggs.
da prez
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f6john
Member
Posts: 9306
Christ first and always
Richmond, Kentucky
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« Reply #1156 on: February 15, 2025, 09:16:50 AM » |
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I was fired from my job at USAID
today. I worked in the woodchuck department. We were so close to finding out how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood. Now we will probably never know.
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LadyDraco
Member
Posts: 1843
TISE
Bastian, VA. Some of the best roads in the East
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« Reply #1157 on: February 16, 2025, 08:53:17 AM » |
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The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
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Life is what you make of it~If it don't fit make alterations...
One does not speak unless one knows.
Never underestimate the power of a woman !
It's a Poor Craftsman who blames their Tools !
This is the way
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1158 on: February 19, 2025, 05:11:29 AM » |
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My Grandfather saw the Titanic. He told everyone that it wasnt "unsinkable" as the builders claimed. He warned everyone that it COULD sink. He warned them over and over and over.....till they kicked him out of the Cinema theater.....
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DIGGER
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« Reply #1159 on: February 21, 2025, 07:49:05 AM » |
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When a fly flies through a fart.....
Do you think they get the same feeling
We get when we drive past a good barbque place?
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